still wears the hat.
NANCY
(to Temple)
You been to California, they tell me. I used to think maybe I would
get there too, some day. But I waited too late to get around to it.
TEMPLE
So did 1. Too late and too long. Too late when I went to California,
and too late when I came back. That's it: too late and too long, not
only for you, but for me too; already too late when both of us should
have got around to running, like from death itself, from the very air
anybody breathed named Drake or Mannigoe.
NANCY
Only, we didn't. And you come back, yesterday evening. I heard that
too. And I know where you were last night, you and him both.
(indicating Stevens) You went to see the Mayor.
TEMPLE
Oh, God, the mayor. No: the Governor, the Big Man himself, in Jackson.
Of course; you knew that as soon as you realised that Mr Gavin
wouldn't be here last night to help you sing, didn't you? In fact, the
only thing you cant know about it is what the Governor told us. Yon
cant know that yet, no matter how clairvoyant you are, because we-the
Governor and Mr Gavin and 1-were not even talking about you; the
reason 1--we had to go and see him was not to beg or plead or bind or
loose, but because it would be my right, my duty, my privilege-Dont
look at me, Nancy.
NANCY
I'm not looking at you. Besides, it's all right. I know what the
Governor told you. Maybe I could have told you last night what he
would say, and saved you the trip. Maybe I ought to have-sent you the
word as soon as I heard you were back home, and knowed what you and
him-
(again she indicates Stevens with that barely discernible
movement of her head, her hands still folded across her
middle as though
REQUIEM FOR A NUN 329
she still wore the absent apron) -both would probably be up to.
Only, I didn't. But it's all right-
TEMPLE
Why didn't you? Yes, look at me. This is worse, but the other is terrible.
NANCY
What?
TEMPLE Why didn't you send me the word?
NANCY
Because that would have been hoping: the hardest think of all to break, get
rid of, let go of, the last thing of all poor sinning man will turn aloose.
Maybe it's because that's all he's got. Leastways, he holds onto it, hangs
onto it. Even with salvation laying right in his hand, and all he's got to
do is, choose between it; even with salvation already in his hand and all he
needs is just to shut his fingers, old sin is still too strong for him, and
sometimes before he even knows it, he has throwed salvation away just
grabbling back at hoping. But it's all right-
STEVENS
You mean, when you have salvation, you dont have hope?
NANCY
You dont even need it. All you need, all you have to do, is just believe. So
maybe-
STEVENS Believe what?
NANCY
Just believe.-So maybe it's just as well that all I did last night, was just
to guess where you all went. But I know now, and I know what the Big Man
told you. And it's all right. I finished all that a long time back, that
same day in the judge's court. No: before that even: in the nursery that
night, before I even lifted my hand-
TEMPLE
(convulsively) Hush. Hush.
NANCY
All right. I've hushed. Because it's all right. I can get low for Jesus too.
I can get low for Him too.
330 WILLIAM FAULKNER
TEMPLE
Hush! Hush! At least, don't blaspheme. But who am I to challenge the
language you talk about Him in, when He Himself certainly cant
challenge it, since that's the only language He arranged for you to
learn?
NANCY
What's wrong with what I said? Jesus is a man too. He's got to be.
Menfolks listens to somebody because of what he says. Women dont. They
dont care what he said. They listens because of what he is.
TEMPLE
Then let Him talk to me. I can get low for Him too, if that's all He
wants, demands, asks. I'll do anything He wants if He'll just tell me
what to do. No: how to do it. I know what to do, what I must do, what
I've got to do. But how? We-I thought that all I would have to do
would be to come back and go to the Big Man and tell him it wasn't you
who killed my baby, but I did it eight years ago that day when I
slipped out the back door of that train, and that would be all. But we
were wrong. Then I-we thought that all it would be was, for me just to
come back here and tell you you had to die; to come all the way two
thousand miles from California, to sit up all night driving to Jackson
and talking for an hour or two and then driving back, to tell you you
had to die: not just to bring you the news that you had to die,
because any messenger could do that, but just so it could be me that
would have to sit up all night and talk for the hour or two hours and
then bring you the news back. You know: not to save you, that wasn't
really concerned in it: but just for me, just for the suffering and
the paying: a little more suffering simply because there was a little
more time left for a little more of it, and we might as well use it
since we were already paying for it; and that would be all; it would
be finished then. But we were wrong again. That was all, only for you.
You wouldn't be any worse off if I had never come back from
California. You couldn't even be any worse off. And this time
tomorrow, you won't be anything at all. But not me. Because there's
tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. All you've got to do is, just to
die. But let Him tell me what to do. No: that's wrong; I know what to
do, what I'm going to do; I found that out that same night in the
nursery
REQUIEM FOR A NUN 331
too. But let Him tell me how. How? Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and still
tomorrow. How?
NANCY
Trust in Him.
TEMPLE
Trust in Him. Look what He has already done to me. Which is all right; maybe
I deserved it; at least I'm not the one to criticize or dictate to Him. But
look what He did to you. Yet you can still say that. Why? Why? Is it because
there isn't any thing else?
NANCY
I dont know. But you got to trust Him. Maybe that's your pay for the
suffering.
STEVENS
Whose suffering, and whose pay? Just each one's for his own?
NANCY
Everybody's. All suffering. All poor sinning man's.
STEVENS
The salvation of the world is in man's suffering. Is that it?
NANCY Yes, sir.
STEVENS How?
NANCY
I dont know. Maybe when folks are suffering, they will be too busy to get
into devilment, wont have time to worry and meddle one another.
TEMPLE
But why must it be suffering? He's omnipotent, or so they tell us. Why
couldn't He have invented something else? Or, if it's got to be suffering,
why cant it be just your own? Why cant you buy back your own sins with your