When he started to object, she shook her head firmly. “No. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. I was a victim, yes, but a participant as well. My body, my decisions. And as you can see,” she waved her hands over herself. “I turned out just fine. From porn star to professor.”
“That’s not funny,” he bit out.
“Yeah, my mom doesn’t like that joke either. Whenever I make a crack like that she always scolds me and tells me I should let go of the past. Let go more, period. She seems to think I overcorrected a bit with my life, but I don’t. I like who I am now. If guys call me a goodie-goodie stuck-up tease, so be it. I know who I am.”
“And who is that, Abby?” asked Connor softly.
“I’m the nice girl by choice—my wish, my reality.”
His eyes hardened. “So now I’m the new asshole corrupting that reality.”
Her brows shot up in alarm. “What?! No!”
“Is that what the sexual inquisition was about the other day?” Now he sounded downright livid. “All that threesome talk? Is that what you think of me? You think I’m like that monster who tortured you in high school?!”
“Of course not!” she gasped. “I asked you all that because I was genuinely curious. Honestly, what happened when I was sixteen had less to do with the sex and more to do with the control. The control I gave up over my own life.”
When he looked unconvinced, she grabbed his wrist. “I’m telling you the truth.”
“Are you?” He pulled away. “You tell me guys basically call you frigid but here you were the other day asking me about every raunchy thing I’ve ever done. I know you weren’t just teasing me, either; you’re just not built like that. So what the hell, Abby? Do you see me the way you saw that guy? Do you feel like you have to turn into a slutty plaything for me? Because it’s not true; not at all. I’d hate to have any woman be like that for me.”
“I know that, Connor, I swear. I wasn’t planning on losing myself with you, or for you. All that talk wasn’t specific to you. I’d have had the same questions for any guy whose sexual history differed from mine. In fact, I make sure of it so we both know what we’re getting into. I’m not repeating the mistakes I made back then; I know the difference between identity and fantasy now. Whether or not I like your fantasies, I’m not changing my identity. Not for you or for any man.”
“Stop talking about being with another man!” he exploded.
She eyed him warily.
“What if I’d wanted the threesomes, Abby? What then?”
“I-I would’ve considered it seriously...and decided if it was something I really wanted.”
“So consider it now. Humor me.” His scowl was fierce.
She shoved a ruthless lid on her embarrassment, trying desperately to show she really did want a logical discussion about this. Heck, she’d had it with each of the three other guys she’d dated seriously in the past. Just…in a far more hypothetical manner, since their fantasy sexcapades didn’t come close to Connor’s real life history. “I’d be too jealous to share you with another woman,” she confessed. “So I’d have said no to that right off the bat.”
A low grunt was his only response.
“As for you and another guy.” She bit her lip. “I admit the thought of it is a little hot. But…” How was she supposed to explain it? How was she supposed to tell him that she wouldn’t, couldn’t even remotely consider a threesome if true emotions were involved…something that was fast becoming the case with Connor. “I feel like I’d lose the connection of being with you, just the two of us. So no, I wouldn’t want that either.”
He gave her a measured look before replying gruffly, “I feel the same way.”
She smiled at his clipped, audibly relieved response. There, that wasn’t so bad. “Then it’s settled—no threesomes. See? Mature and rational. I know when I brought it up the other day we were goofing around but this was what I wanted. This control right here? I gave him this when I was sixteen. That’s what I hated the most about it all. So now I keep that control secured tight. Live by it, rise and fall by it.”
His expression softened. “That’s what you meant when you said you need the two weeks you asked for? For control?”
“Yes. Back then, I felt like I didn’t know my own mind, and that the few times I did, I didn’t stand up for what I wanted, good or bad. If I’d wanted to be a slut, I wouldn’t have hated myself so much. But that wasn’t the case. I was weak, every bit the mindless plaything he’d turned me into. Too scared to admit to him what I did and didn’t want, and foolish enough to convince myself that his wants were mine.”
She unloaded a long, emotional breath as she reflected on all these tenets of her life that she hadn’t thought about in awhile. “I’m never going back to that. Not in any shape or form. Now, every decision in my life is mine. I take a good look at my wishes, whatever they may be, and work hard to make them my reality. That’s how I came back from all of it, by taking 100% ownership of my life.”
She slid a hand along his cheek. “And that’s what I’m realizing I should’ve been doing here all along. With us. This past week, I haven’t been totally honest with myself on what I truly want. I hid from it. From you. The truth is, you are most definitely a wish I want to become my reality. Even if it’s only going to be a short reality.”
That last part made him flinch.
“I’m entering this with my eyes wide open,” she reassured him. “Telling you my sordid past simply reminded me how being scared to admit to and hold true to what I really want never got me anywhere good. You’re what I want, Connor. What I’ve wanted for a while if I’m being perfectly honest.”
She felt his heart rate pick up under her palm.
“Dammit, Abby. You can’t offer yourself up to me on a silver platter after telling me everything you just did.”
“I know. So that’s why we should just do what we had planned. Eat, talk, and watch a movie. For tonight.”
“And tomorrow?”
“I’ll be just like your other one-month women.” She smothered her body’s immediate objection to that statement and held his gaze. “I’m not resisting what I want anymore.”
The latter half, her body didn’t have any complaints over, seeing as how it was the absolute truth.
Resisting Connor Sullivan was no longer an option.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
AS FAR AS MORNING AFTER big declarations go, Abby decided this one was going fairly smoothly.
Probably because they were both on their laptops pretending they weren’t sitting six feet from each other.
Around the third mumbled apology when their hands collided reaching for something on the table, however, was when she started getting pissed.
Shoot, if she only had another three weeks with the man, this was not how she was going to spend it.
She grabbed her phone and started texting.
>> WERE THE WHITE PANTIES THE ONLY ONE YOU SAW?
>> …YOU KNOW, THAT DAY IN MY LIL’ BAG-O-FUN?
She kept her eyes down as Connor reached for his beeping phone.
A tiny flash of amusement flickered over his features, soon followed by a hint of wariness. Good. She liked him off-kilter.
Seconds later, he was texting back. Four quick taps.
>> YES .
Pause.
>> WHY?
She smiled, waiting far longer than she needed to reply.
>> BECAUSE I BOUGHT A PAIR OF RED ONES, TOO.
Another pause. And just the slightest gulp.
>> THAT’S…INTERESTING. GOOD FOR YOU.
That’s it? Eyes narrowed, she kicked it up a notch.
>> THX. I LIKE ‘ EM. MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY’RE, WELL…
She dragged it out. This was too much fun.
>> LESS ‘CONSERVATIVE’ THAN THE WHITE PAIR.
A choked throat clearing sputtered out from his end of the dining room.
Excellent.
>> PLUS, IT’S NOT ‘EASY ACCESS,’ BUT RATHER…
She tapped the second half of the text out, but purposely didn’t put it through. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Connor practically glaring at his phone.
He broke first.
>> RATHER, WHAT?
She clicked send.
>> ALL ACCESS.
“Jesus Christ.”
It was a hiss more than anything else and oh, so delicious. Now to go in for the kill…
“I’m wearing them now.” She said it aloud instead of texting it. And saw instant, white-hot desire flare up in his eyes.
An answering rush of heat charged through her.
“Abby, we don’t have to do this.” The corners of his mouth softened into a look of genuine affection as he studied her from across the table. “I was wrong. We can most definitely be friends. I’ve really enjoyed this past week with you. More than I’d ever imagined possible.”
“But—”
“No, just listen. You’re special to me, Abby. I hated hearing you say you were going to be just like my other one-month women.” He held her gaze. “You’ll never be ‘just’ anything. Let alone that.”
Emotions swelled up out of her chest. Every day in every way Connor just kept getting more irresistible. “You promised me the one month, Connor. I want it.”
The look in his eyes switched from desire to determination as he walked over to her and held out his hand. “Come outside with me for a bit.”
Abby looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “What? Now?”
“Please. I want to show you something.”
Curiosity overruling her stubbornness, Abby took his outstretched hand and followed him out to the garage. But when he led her over to the second garage door, not the one where he parked his Lexus, she hesitated. “You’re not going to show me some sex dungeon or something in there are you?”
He chuckled. “No. Nothing like that.”
Feeling a buzz of excitement unfurl in her stomach over the unfamiliar, almost childlike joy she saw in his eyes, she turned quickly to see what was behind the mystery door, the slow hum of the rising garage door motor resounding like a drumroll.
“You’re kidding me.”
Beaming proudly, he circled the gunpowder black car, trailing his hand along the hood. “It’s a 1971 Dodge Charger.”
Looking at its iconic design, she asked the first thing that popped in her mind. “Like the Dukes of Hazzard car?”
Another chuckle. “Similar. That was a ’69. This one was the first of the third generation Chargers. A class of its own.” He took another lap around the car before patting the top of it as if to say, ‘good boy.’
She realized she was still gaping a bit but seeing Connor petting and talking so affectionately about this gritty muscle car was making her brain do cartwheels.
“Do you like it?”
The question came out casually, but she could hear the current of emotion filtering around it. This was important to him. A test of sorts. Realizing this, she took a step back and gave his car an honest look.
Along with a classic, streamlined shape, the car had one of those rugged vented hoods—not quite Fast and the Furious but close. It had character. Quietly powerful. Nostalgically masculine. And sexy as hell with Connor leaning against it.
Taking a deep breath, she ventured, “Actually, I do like it. I mean I don’t know a lot about cars but I do have memories of my dad and uncle working on this sixties convertible on the weekends when I was a kid. Clearly, they were really bad at it because it was still barely running when they ‘finished’ a few years later. But I remember playing inside it a lot while they were tinkering with the engine.”
She smiled and peeked at the interior. “This car reminds me of that one. And though I can’t explain why, it sort of reminds me of you, too.”
She must’ve answered right, because he rewarded her with a slow smile so luminous, she froze and simply watched it play across his face. Afraid any sudden movements would scare it away.
“I wasn’t nearly as ambitious as your dad and uncle. I had this professionally restored.”
The way his voice changed, warmed when he talked about the car, made an emotional lump grow in her throat. She’d never heard him speak this way about anyone or anything until now. This was a glimpse at a side of Connor she knew very few—if any—got to see.
“Tell me about your car, Connor.” Her voice sounded hoarse to her own ears.
“It’s a pretty recent purchase. I got it a few months ago when I made equity partner.”
“Interesting midlife car choice,” she teased gently.
He barked out a laugh. “See, this is why you could never be ‘just’ one my other women. Not one of them would ever call me old. At least not until after I’d ended things with them.”
“Just imagine what things I’ll say when things are over between us,” she joshed lightly. She’d meant it as a joke but immediately regretted it when some of the light left Connor’s eyes. “Hey, I was kidding.”
Instead of responding, he asked simply, “You want to go for a ride?”
Desperately wanting to repair things, she tried again for humor, “Can I drive?”
Thankfully, his smile returned. “On the way back, I promise.”
Before he could head over to the driver’s side, however, she caught his arm. “I’m sorry for what I said.”
“Don’t be.” He looked into her eyes and said softly, “It wasn’t what you said; it was the reminder that our days are numbered. I get sad thinking about it is all.”
That right there was the exact moment Abby knew…she wasn’t in danger of just getting her heart broken by Connor; she was in danger of losing it to him completely.