She gripped his forearm almost desperately. “You remember, Connor. How he always used to make us feel like we weren’t worth caring about? It was a reminder he doled out daily, in a hundred heartless different ways. Even more so for me than for you two. And that was to keep me tied to him, a shell of a woman, too empty and broken to leave him.”
“So what’s changed?” he asked gently.
He had to know. Needed to know what could cause such a drastic change in a woman who’d made the choice every day for over thirty years to remain in her own personal hell.
“I fell in love.”
Connor blinked. That he had not been expecting.
Throughout his entire life, where his father had always been disparaging about love, his mother had seemed incapable of it, oblivious to it. And why wouldn’t she be? With a man like his father emptying her heart and making sure it remained that way.
After a long, cleansing breath, his mother began describing him then—her friend, the man who helped heal everything her husband had broken. The man who was waiting for her, apparently had been waiting for years.
For her to be free.
With each word, Connor watched his mother change before his very eyes. She became filled with joy, with life. Things that had never been there before, things she should’ve had a chance to have.
“You are in love.” It was a statement, a fact. Even he could see it.
“It suits you,” he added simply, not knowing what else to say.
Helen’s hands squeezed his forearm in a gentle, motherly gesture he hadn’t thought she’d know to do. “It suits you, too.”
His eyes shot up to hers.
She gave him a sad smile. “I know. It’s hard, isn’t it? I fought it, too. Most people think that falling in love, being in love is so easy. But that’s because most people have had it, or do have it. That’s what family is supposed to be for, right? Your never-ending source of love? But you and I, we didn’t have it. How in the world your brother found it despite everything is beyond me.”
Her breath hitched. “And I will never, ever forgive myself for the part I’ve played in adding to that void in both of your lives.”
“Mother, you did the best you could.”
“No. I didn’t. I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve loved you and Brian enough for two parents. Like how your brother is doing with Skylar. But I just…couldn’t.”
A sardonic grin tipped her mouth at the corner. “I tried explaining it to Henry once. I’d likened it to having a limb fall asleep on you. It’s compressed, drained, unaware…until that blood comes rushing in again. An unwelcome relief, or a welcome pain—depends how you look at it. Depends how long that limb has been cut off from circulation.”
With a shudder of remembrance, she whispered, “And it hurts, almost unbearably at first to feel all that coming back in, doesn’t it?”
Yes.
She nodded as if he’d answered aloud. “But it doesn’t stop there. Sure, your sleeping limb is all filled up and whole again, but it’s still not back to ‘normal.’ You still have to use it, get the feeling back, make it respond. So you get more doses of pain as you do, along with confusion, frustration, and at times, feelings that it’s not really worth it.”
“That’s what my heart went through; the pain process was long, and just as terrible as it was wonderful. It wasn’t until recently that it ended completely.” She put a hand on his cheek—yet another motherly gesture he committed to memory just in case it never came back again. “But your pain is still going on, isn’t it?”
Yes. A thousand times, yes.
“Who is she? Do I know her?”
That was an easier question to answer aloud. “You do, actually. It’s Abby. Abby Bartlett.”
Helen frowned, “Brian’s friend?”
He nodded.
Surprise and sympathy drifted over her features. “Oh, dear.”
Wow, for a woman just learning how to love again, she seemed remarkably insightful about all that he was struggling with.
Something that resembled a smile of motherly approval lit her face. “She is a very nice girl.”
He almost laughed then. “Yes, yes she is.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Sighing, he shook his head. “I don’t know. Any advice?”
She started chuckling delightedly at that—another first. “I am the last person to give you advice on anything dealing with love, Connor, and you know it.”
“Try anyway.” He had a feeling she’d be better at it than she thought.
After a long moment of consideration, she said, “I think…if you love her, you should let her love you back, help her love you back. Because let’s face it, we all need help with that.”
She bit her lip nervously. “Did that make any sense?”
He gave her a small grin. “That’s good advice. Great advice, really. Thank you.”
Her eyes widened, and then softened with emotion. The new laughlines forming there yet another marked change he was happy to see.
“Can I give you some advice now?” he ventured softly.
A startled, pleased look crossed her features. “Of course.”
He gazed at her for a beat, then smiled. “Let me and Brian call you ‘mom’ from now on.”
An instant rush of tears filled her eyes. “Do you think I deserve that?” she asked, her voice a hopeful whisper.
“I do. I think you deserve to let us love you. I think we deserve that, too.”
And now the tears were rolling down her cheeks. “I’d like that. Very much.”
He stood then and they proceeded to have the world’s most awkward parent-child hug ever. He shrugged. “We’ll get better at it.”
She chuckled—each one starting to sound more natural on her. “I’ll be sure to practice the hugging with Skylar.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. And if she’ll let me, I’m thinking of asking her to call me ‘grandma.’”
“Good. That suits you as well.” He glanced at his watch, knowing that even the best advice had a window of time before its shelf life expired.
If he was going to follow through on the one his mother had provided, he needed to head out now. “I better get going.”
But before he did, he turned to his mother and asked, “This man, Henry, the one you’re in love with—is he a nice guy? Does he treat you well?”
Her smile was resplendent. “Yes. Very much so.”
“I’m glad. You deserve it.” He walked another few steps to his car and stopped again when another thought occurred to him, the ugliness of his father’s smug taunts from the other night echoing in his head. “Hey, who’s your legal counsel for the divorce? I want to be sure you have the best if they’re going up against our firm.”
“I actually just changed legal counsel since it was clear your father was going to pulverize the first one I’d retained.” She beamed. “My new attorney actually approached me to offer her help. Just last week, in fact.”
Really? That was unusual. “Is she any good? Because I’ll vet her for you, get you a better lawyer if you need.”
“Oh, she’s good alright. And you won’t need to vet her. You know her very well.”
He thought about that for a second before a slow smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Victoria?”
“Mmm hmm.”
Connor tipped his head back and laughed. Until his face hurt.
His father was going to get creamed.
CHAPTER TWENTY
ABBY STRETCHED and rolled over in bed, sliding a hand over to the space beside her in reflex.
To the feeling of cold sheets.
So he left.
The tears came even though she’d told herself there wouldn’t be any this morning. Even though she’d told herself she had no regrets about giving her love to a man who hadn’t been able to give her his in return.