Scarlet ran down the hall and slammed her bedroom door behind her. She heard her mom’s footsteps on the staircase, then down the hall, coming towards her door.
“Scarlet, I want talk to you!” her mom shouted, outside her door.
“Go away!” she screamed back.
“Scarlet, please, open the door!”
But Scarlet ignored it. She locked her door, crossed her room, and curled up in her favorite chair, Ruth at her lap.
Scarlet sat there, never feeling more alone in the world, as she cried and cried. After a long time, finally, her mom’s voice disappeared from the door.
Scarlet eventually sat up, wiped away her tears, and reached over and grabbed her small, white leather journal from her end table. She used to write in it every night, though she hadn’t written in a while. Now, she felt the need to. She had to make sense of her world, to get a hold on her range of conflicting emotions.
She pulled back the cover, flipped through the pages and found an empty page. She reached over and grabbed her favorite, purple pen, then leaned over and began to write:
Today was the worst day. I woke up in the hospital. I can hardly believe it. It was so weird. I came home sick, then blacked out, and I don’t remember anything in between. Mom and Dad say I ran out the house, and that I was missing for a while. Which really freaks me out. I don’t remember it at all. I really want to know where I went. What I did. If I saw any of my friends. Hopefully, no one saw me.
I’m also freaked about what happened to me. Am I sick? Was it sleepwalking or something? Will it happen again? Mom doesn’t want to let it go. She keeps asking me if I’m okay, and she’s so worried. Now she wants me to talk to a priest. It’s so annoying. I can’t stand to be around her right now, and I’ve never really felt this way before.
The dance on Friday is causing me so much pressure. I was sure Blake would ask me today. I’m sure he would have if it weren’t for Vivian. I hate her. Every time Blake gets near me, I feel she’s waiting to steal him. I don’t know if he asked her. Or if he’ll ask me. I hate dances. This is all so stupid anyway.
I wish I knew where Blake stood. We had a really good time the other night, at the movies, on my birthday. I really want to be close to him. I want him to be my boyfriend. I don’t really know if he feels the same. Is he not into me? Is he into Vivian? Did I do something wrong?
Then there’s this new kid. Sage. The one Maria likes. It was so weird, seeing him today. I can’t explain it. It’s like I knew him. I wish I hadn’t seen him. He’s Maria’s territory after all, and I’m into Blake. Or am I? I don’t really understand how I’m feeling – and that bothers me more than anything.
I need answers. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
Chapter Twelve
The next day for Scarlet came and went too fast. She rushed off to school, leaving early so she didn’t have to deal with her parents, and her morning classes had gone by in a whirl. She’d had no contact with Blake whatsoever, and had hardly even seen him. She caught a glimpse of him in the halls, as she rushed from one class to the next. She hadn’t seen that new kid, Sage. And she hadn’t seen Vivian either. It was just a long and boring and anxiety-provoking day, keeping her in suspense as the minutes ticked slowly from class to class.
She’d been so nervous for lunchtime, expecting to see them all in the cafeteria, expecting Blake to come up to her. But her stupid science teacher had kept her after class, and by the time she reached the cafeteria, she only had a few minutes to eat, and had missed everybody. She was so mad at her teacher. She was sure that if she’d arrived just a few minutes earlier she would’ve run into Blake, and he would’ve asked her.
Now, the day was almost over, with only a few periods left, as Scarlet walked with Maria down the halls, heading towards gym and the playing fields. They walked outside into the beautiful October day, the sun shining everywhere, lighting up the leaves in a million colors, and she headed eagerly with Maria across the acres of grass. At least she was sure that this time, she would see Blake. They all had gym together, after all. Several classes met for gym – nearly a hundred kids – but still, there was no way he could really avoid her – unless he wanted to.
At least, finally, she would know how he really felt. If it turned out that he didn’t want to take her to the dance, fine – she could at least get clear in her head that she would either go with someone else, or not go at all, and be able to stop obsessing over this.
“Think we’ll get picked for the same team?” Maria asked, as they jogged towards the big crowd of kids.
“Hope so.”
Scarlet wasn’t exactly the best athlete on the field. She wasn’t the most coordinated person in the world, and she never got picked first, or close to first. She just wasn’t as competitive as some of the other girls. The gym teacher always let them divide into teams and pick whoever they wanted; Scarlet just hoped that she got picked on Maria’s team.
Scarlet jogged with Maria across the grass, and it felt good to be out of school and under the open sky, as they headed towards the crowd. As they went, Scarlet scanned the fields, looking for Blake. She spotted him in the distance, on the adjacent field, with the boys as they divvied up teams for the boys’ football game. But he wasn’t looking her way and there was no way to really talk to him. She would just have to hope he came over after the game.
“OMG, he’s here,” Maria suddenly said in an excited whisper. “I can’t believe it. Don’t look but I think he’s staring at me.”
At first Scarlet was confused, but then she looked in the other direction, and spotted someone else: Sage. She did a double take. There he stood, hands in his jacket pockets, standing alone on the sidelines, watching. She couldn’t believe it. He was here. And he was looking right at her.
She found herself mesmerized by the sight of him, and had to look away.
“I’m dying,” Maria said. “Is he still watching me?”
Scarlet tried to think of how to phrase it without hurting her feelings.
“Um… I can’t really tell,” she said.
As they walked through the throngs of girls and saw who was out on the field today, Scarlet felt a sense of dread. Of course. There was Vivian, already warming up, practicing her soccer skills, kicking it deftly back and forth between all of her friends. All of the popular girls seemed to be not only cheerleaders, but expert soccer players; somehow it was Scarlet’s fate to always be at their mercy to get picked, as one of the popular girls was inevitably in charge of the picking.
The coach suddenly blew a whistle and the girls huddled around, preparing to be picked.
“Vivian and Doris are team captains today. They’ll pick,” the coach announced.
Of course, Scarlet thought.
The picking began, and of the group of about twenty girls, Scarlet was picked close to last. Of course, she was picked by Doris, not Vivian. But luckily, at least Doris chose Maria to be on her team, too.
The coach blew another whistle, and Scarlet ran out to the field with the other girls, who were all screaming and yelling as the soccer ball was put into play. They all raced back and forth, kicking the ball to each other, passing expertly. Scarlet was distracted, looking over and catching a glance of Sage. He was still looking at her. At her, and no one else.
Scarlet forced herself to look away, to concentrate. She hardly knew what to make of it.
She hurried to catch up to the action, but found herself a bit winded, not in the best of shape. Moments later, though, the ball broke free from the pack, and to Scarlet’s surprise, it went flying right for her. Her heart started pounding. This had never happened before, and she hardly knew what to do.