THE DOOR IS cracked when I get to the top of the stairs. Callum’s music is playing. I didn’t think he’d be in here. I glance at my watch but I can’t make out the time in the dark. The club’s closed up, so I know it’s either late or early, however you want to look at it. The cab ride home was quick, and my head’s still spinning with the image of Cole looking completely crestfallen when I told him I wanted to leave. Everything feels easy and right with him, up to the point of getting more physical and taking the next step. Even when we’re all hot and heavy and I’m really into it, I stop. What should be a natural progression feels anything but. He lights my body on fire when he kisses me, but there’s something missing. It’s like there’s an invisible barrier between us that my body or my mind, or maybe both, can’t tear down.
I feel like I’m leading him on and he’s going to get bored of me, but I can’t bring myself to take things any further with him. There’s a nagging feeling hanging over me. I’m looking over my shoulder constantly, just waiting for Carter to be lurking behind me. Working at the club both dancing and serving is tiring me out, and while I love it because it keeps my mind from dwelling on Danny, I’m not sure how long I can keep it up. The easy thing to do would be to blame Daniel and the fact that I’m not over him for this blockade with Cole, but it would be a lie. Sure Danny is on my mind, but only because I’m plotting all the ways I want to murder him for running out on me like this.
I don’t want to laden myself with any more drama, I have enough shitty things to deal with at the moment and guilt over not sleeping with Cole shouldn’t be one of them. He’s a great guy from what I’ve experienced so far, and dragging him into my problems wouldn’t be fair. God forbid if Carter caught up with me while Cole and I were together—he doesn’t need or deserve my shit pushed on him. Nobody does.
The lights are out when I walk into the small living room. Only the lamp illuminates the corner of the room, casting everything in a muted golden glow. I drop my purse and key on the shelf beside me. I’m not sure what, but something feels off. It takes a few seconds before I notice him. Cal’s sitting, head slumped forward, hands clasped together and resting on his widespread knees. There’s a half-empty bottle of Jack with the cap off sitting on the coffee table. There’s no glass; he’s been hitting it straight from the bottle. The place is rife with the smell of alcohol.
“Callum?”
His head turns slowly, and his tired red eyes do a quick once over. He looks like he’s about to get sick, and I watch as he lets out the smallest pained laugh before allowing his head to fall back into place. I peer down at my dress and heels. I don’t understand the look of disgust he throws my way, but it kind of makes me feel like crap, and self-consciously I wrap my arms around my waist.
“Date night, right? Have fun?” he asks. His words fill the space between us in a sneer. He’s mad at me but for what? My mind veers back to the kiss I ambushed him with. It was meant as a friendly thank you, but Christ, when our lips touched it was anything but friendly. He’s made no attempt to mention it again, and even though I’m a little disappointed, I put it down to him taking it the way it was first intended.
“It was dinner, and yeah, it was good.” I nod, wondering what’s eating at him.
His head snaps around at lightning speed and he pins me with a glare. From his expression, you’d think I’d just slapped him. I don’t like being on the receiving end of that look. Not one bit. My palms begin to sting where my fingernails are biting at the skin from balling my fists so hard; he’s scaring me a little.
“Have I done something wrong? Was I supposed to be working? Is that it?”
Now he laughs out loud, a quick, gravely low rumble, but it’s unsmiling and devoid of amusement. “Fuck, you’re serious, aren’t you?”
I’m drawing a blank. I don’t get the game he’s playing, and I’ve clearly missed something. I stay quiet because really, I have no idea what to respond.
“No, you weren’t down to work tonight,” he sighs and I’m even more confused.
“Oh,” I say gently as I watch him wring his hands together. I wonder if it’s in agitation or a nervous habit. I’m hoping for the latter, although I don’t particularly like either prospect. “Well, then what’s wrong? Why are you acting like you’re mad at me?” I’m more than a little annoyed that I’ve somehow managed to piss off both men in my life tonight, and as far as I know I haven’t done anything wrong.
He stands and pushes his hands through his messed-up hair. I guess it’s not the first time he’s done that this evening; he’s completely disheveled.
“You don’t know—that’s the whole problem, Tweet. You have no fucking clue.”
“Then tell me!” I plead. I’ve upset him, that much is clear, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to have done.
He lifts the hem of his dark gray t-shirt and wipes his face, exasperated.
“Tell you what? What do you want to hear, huh?”
“I don’t know; you’re the one acting out, I’m not a fucking mind reader! Tell me what you’re feeling! Why you’re suddenly looking at me like you hate me!” I don’t mean to cuss, but I’m frustrated and tired and so over this stupid feeling of confusion.
His face pales.
“I don’t hate you, Tweet,” he whispers. It sounds pained, and I watch as he picks up his phone, changes the track that’s playing so low over the Bose system, I’m only just now noticing it. I trace his movements as he pushes the cell into the back pocket of his jeans, and a familiar track filters through the speakers, only a little louder this time. I stand unmoving, my eyes fixed to his as The Killers’ Mr. Brightside begins to play. I’m pissed that he’s decided that now would be a good time to drown me out with his stupid music. If he didn’t want to talk to me, he could have just said so. Turning on music halfway through a discussion is just rude, and I’m about to tell him he’s an ass when the lyrics stop me.
I just can’t look it’s killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
My eyes widen and my jaw feels slack. I must have this wrong, I think, but then I look at him, and my stomach drops in realization. He’s not using the song to cover up having to talk to me; he’s using it to talk to me.
Holy shit.
He takes a step toward me. I take a step back.
“Don’t you get it? Isn’t it obvious to you? I want you. I’m mad because I’m crazy fucking jealous, and you’re oblivious, completely unaffected. I can’t go on like this. It’s driving me mad, Robyn. I can’t play this game we’ve been messing around with. It’s too hard.”
I swallow and feel the goose bumps run from the top of my head to the tips of my toes as he shakes his head at me.
“I sit in here night after night and listen to you tell me how you’re sworn off men after your douchebag ex. How you’re not ready for a relationship, you’re not dating Mr. Bigshot, and it’s all just casual. But you are dating him; you dress up for him when he takes you out. You come home all sunshine and fucking rainbows in the middle of the night. It doesn’t take a genius to work out you’re more than likely fucking him. In my book, Tweet, that’s dating a guy.”
His words are hard and his eyes are soft and I’m so confused. My heart’s in my throat, beating with wild abandonment and I’m stunned into silence.
He’s jealous.
“I want to be the guy that takes you out,” he says dragging his hand down his face again. He looks tired, miserable…defeated.
“When you’re dressed up like that,” he flicks his hand dismissively at me. “I want it to be for me. Not some asshole that you’re casual with. Jesus, Tweet, I just…”