“Maybe you should have taken a hint.”
He laughs, and even though he’s 2,500 miles away, my mind watches his lips curl up, his blue eyes sparkling and his body vibrating with humor, like he’s standing right in front of me. All I’ve had the past five years are memories of this man, and now that he’s come back into my life, it’s the memories I wish I could hold onto, because I’m not sure how to handle the present day Matt Bryson. I have no idea if I love him or hate him and I’m not sure which answer I’m more afraid of.
“Addy, I took the hint two weeks ago, when you agreed to come back to my bed.” His voice lowers and his next words land in my belly, my body heating at the memory of that night. “When you let my tongue roam over every inch of your heated skin, when you welcomed me inside your wet heat and called out my name as you came.”
I’m flushed, my eyes darting through the doorway of my office, making sure I’m alone and no one notices the rising temperature of my skin. I stand and close my office door, taking a moment to gather my control, ashamed that his words have such an enormous effect on me.
“Matt,” I say, as seriously as I can, “I’m just . . . I’m not interested. That night was –“
“Touch yourself.”
“What?” I ask startled.
“I would bet a million dollars, you’re soaking wet right now. And I’m fucking hard, Addison. From twenty-five hundred miles away, your voice makes me so fucking hard.”
If I wasn’t aroused before, I am now. I may touch myself just to ease the ache that has begun between my legs. But the anger that’s been resting along the edges since this conversation started is beginning to bloom. I’m angry with Matt, for putting me in this position, for coming back into my life and thinking he can start right where we left off. I’m angry at myself for allowing him this much access to my feelings and I’m really fucking angry at Damian right now, because I like him, a lot and I don’t want to like him. I want to torture myself with thinking about a life with Matt. I want to see if my dream life will ever happen. I’m used to sitting around pining for that lost life and the fact that I look forward to seeing Damian every morning, that I hope he’ll keep asking me over for dinner and that I want to know everything he refuses to tell me, is derailing the life I always thought I’d live. It’s making me leave the comfort of my lonely existence and question what I’ve been doing the past five years. I’ve loved Matt for so long, why is someone I just met making me question every emotion I’ve ever felt?
“Your wife’s name is Helen?” Reminding him that he’s married, that he’s not free, is the only way I know how to throw ice-cold water on this situation.
He’s silent.
“She’s a person, like me. Another woman you’re leaving behind. I can’t do this Matt.”
“Addison, my marriage was more of a business deal.”
A spiteful laugh leaves my lungs. “And in ten years are you going to say the same things about me?”
“No. In ten years I’m going to say I finally got to marry the love of my life.”
And with those words, my heart constricts a little more. I have no idea if I can trust those words. I wish I knew the present Matt as well as I thought I knew the former one.
Sighing he says, “I’m coming to town next month to explain this in person, and you’re going to hear me out.” He hangs up, not giving me an opportunity to say no.
“You’re home early.” Startled to find I’m not alone, Damian is leaning against our dividing railing grinning at me. I’d cut out of work early for some much needed alone time. That call from Matt really rattled me. I never had a mom. She took off a few months after I was born and never returned. My education in relationships came from my single dad and he’s no longer around either. Matt was always my plan, always my future and now that it’s being offered to me, I’m not so sure it’s the future I want anymore. I saw the way my dad had to live with one half of his heart, Matt’s proven enough times that he doesn’t know how to stick around, that the four letter word he loves to throw at me has no meaning to him. If I said yes, if I gave us another chance, I’d always wonder when he was going to leave again or when I’m suddenly not what he’s looking for anymore.
But I don’t want to spend my life alone either. Having Damian move in next door has made me realize just how lonely I’ve been the past five years. I’m going to be twenty-eight in a few months and since the day Matt walked out of my life, I’ve been alone. Sure, I’ve dated here and there, but nothing worth putting any energy into.
Damian is staring at me with that grin, the one that makes me feel like liquid heat is running through my veins. My heart skips around inside my chest, causing my breath to catch. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe having a casual fling with my neighbor will make me see things clearer, give me the answer I’ve been looking for.
Men like Damian don’t settle down, but they do play and I’ve never allowed myself the luxury of doing the naughty just for the sake of it.
“I had some very important business to take care of.” I hold up my dirty erotica book and glass of wine for him to see. His arms are flexed as he supports himself on that iron rail. Who knew forearms could be so sexy? The coiled muscles, the tan skin and it all leads to set of perfectly bulging biceps. He’s wearing a loose white tee with the sleeves ripped off, black track pants and a gray beanie.
Ahh, the beanie, I internally sigh at my view.
“Put the wine back in the fridge, put the porn on hold and let’s go for a run.” He pushes off to stand erect and begins to stretch his arm across his chest. I don’t move. In the two weeks since he moved in, he’s never asked me to join him on a workout.
“Green Eyes, go get dressed. I’ll meet you out front.”
Jeez, he’s being bossy. What’s the rush?
“I’m pretty content here, Offside. How about you go for a run and I’ll make you dinner when you get back.”
Tilting his head up to the darkening sky, he thinks about my compromise. “Nah, I’ve seen your attempt at cooking. Go get dressed and when we get back. I’ll make you dinner.”
“Shirtless?”
“What?” he asks looking at me like I’m crazy.
“You in the kitchen, half-dressed, is a good enough bribe to get me to go running with you. Otherwise, I’m staying put.”
His reaction to my request startles me. There’s no devilish grin, no cocky smile, not even a slight humor in his eye. If I had to put a name to what he was sending me, it would be pure uninhibited lust shining out of his dark brown gaze. And suddenly I’m very uncomfortable, rethinking my idea of a casual fling because the vibe I’m getting is anything but casual.
“You can wear clothes if you want. I was only messing with you.” My voice sounds unsure to my own ears, I can only assume it must sound pitiful to his.
Slightly softening his heated gaze he says, “Meet me out front in ten minutes.” He swallows hard, his Adams Apple moving slowly up and down. “And later, clothes will definitely be optional.”
Oh.
Barreling out of her apartment in black leggings and a white tank that accentuates those perfect breasts I’m thinking this run, may be the death of me. I already want to trail my hands along the smooth curves of her hips and take those tight black pants right off her body. My breath gets shallow as I near her, my body reacting to what she does to me.
She seems tense, worried about something as I approach. Her top lip is securely hidden under her straight white bottom teeth and she’s eyeing me as I walk toward her.
“Loosen up, Addison. I’m not going to bite.” Running my hand along her ponytail, I give it a slight tug before heading down the stairs, assuming she’ll follow. “Unless of course you ask me to.”