Shit. What am I doing?
This outfit, these shoes, they’re for him, and yet here I stand in the arms of a man I can’t trust, a man who left me for money. I can’t move, having no idea how I ended up in this position or how to get myself out of it. A trickle of sweat makes its way down my back as my chest begins to constrict, panic over taking my system. It starts with my breathing, or lack thereof, because I can’t breathe. Have completely stopped pulling air into my lungs. And I’m sure I’m going to vomit any second.
“Addison?” Damian knocks again.
Matt pulls me closer. “Breathe, Addy.” His hands slide up my body and he tugs me into his arms, holding me against his chest. “Breathe.” He has one palm behind my head massaging my scalp and another holding me firm to him.
I think I’m in shock; I’m practically naked, in my ex’s arms. This isn’t where I want to be. “You have to leave,” I finally croak out.
He stiffens and his massaging fingers briefly pause.
Damian knocks again.
“Clearly, I’m no expert Addison, but I don’t think you want me walking out your front door right now.”
Shit, he’s right. I hate that he’s right. I have to wait this out. No matter the consequences. I can’t allow Damian to find me in this position.
Pulling myself from Matt’s embrace I look at his hesitant eyes. “I’m going to put some clothes on.”
He nods and takes a step back.
Clearing my throat, I try to sound more confident than I feel. “Damian, I’m not feeling well. I’ll call you later,” I shout through the closed door.
“Addison,” his voice is tender, concern echoing through to my apartment. “Open the door and talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I think I ate something bad, that’s all. I’ll come see you later.” Disappointed, devastated, completely lost, that about sums up how I’m feeling right now as I make Damian leave.
He sighs loud enough for me to hear, “Okay, you know where to find me.”
I take a step towards my bedroom and Matt clears his throat. The question I know he’s been dying to ask finally leaves his lips. “Are you in love with him?” I don’t turn around, only shake my head. How could I possibly be in love with a person I’ve only just kissed moments before? But the panic that overtook me at being caught with Matt is undeniable and that gives me pause. Because if I’m only looking for a casual fling, why would I care if Damian found me with Matt? And why am I suddenly so sad that Matt was the one to show up on my doorstep first?
She’s says she’s sick, but there’s an odd tilt to her voice, and I have to wonder if I scared her away, or what’s going on in that mind of hers.
That kiss . . . it was everything. Changing something in me, something between us. I’m willing to take this as slow as she needs, but now that I know what she tastes like, how her body against my own shocked my heart into a rapid and dizzying state of arousal, I’m not backing away from her.
I go into my apartment and head directly to the balcony, hoping she may be outside getting some fresh air.
Nope. No sign of her.
For half an hour, I try to keep busy paying bills and catching up on paperwork. Willing my mind to focus on anything but her and what the real reason is she’s refusing to see me. It’s after five when I finally decide to check the balcony one more time.
Instantly I don’t like what I see.
Addison is staring out at the ocean, a distant look on her face. She looks slightly haunted and there’s a near empty wine bottle next to an empty wine glass. She has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and she’s so lost in her own thoughts, she has no idea I’m standing here.
“Addison?”
She turns, startled.
“You okay?” I ask.
Tears well in her eyes, and she quickly wipes them away as she nods, finally realizing it’s me standing in front of her. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I instantly jump the rail dividing our two balconies, my feet pound down on the hard concrete shaking the table and making her smile a little bit wider. I take a seat across from her, close enough that our knees are touching, my hands cupping her sad face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, watching her eyes for any sign it’s me, that I possibly did something to upset her.
She shrugs, “Just stuff.”
Smiling I shake my head. “Not gonna fly, Green Eyes. What’s wrong?”
“He came back when you left.”
“The asshole?”
She nods. I’m going to kill him. If he touched her, if he hurt her, he’s a fucking dead man.
“Want to talk about it?”
Her smile fades and she goes back to staring at the Pacific Ocean in front of her. “You know all there is to tell.”
I have to wonder if that’s true. She told me how he left her the day they graduated college with a promise to return. And she’d believed him. But after a few months he stopped all contact, and she had become so busy caring for her father, she never tried to find him. That part of the story alone tells me this guy is a cowardly motherfucker. But when she told me he came back married and didn’t tell her, took her to bed without so much as giving her the chance to decide if this was the right thing to do, I wanted to rip the asshole’s head off with my bare hands.
I place both of my palms on her legs, feeling her muscles tense underneath her gray sweat pants as her eyes lock on mine.
“Did he hurt you?”
She shakes her head.
“Did he touch you?”
There’s no response and my insides blow up at the idea of another man having his hands on her. That she allowed him access to her body enrages me and I want to hunt him down and make sure he never comes near her again.
Concern moves across her face as she takes in my expression. The anger I’m feeling escaping through every pore on my tense body. Leaning forward, she places a palm on my cheek. It’s warm and soft and I want her to touch me more, move her hands over my entire body. “Nothing happened, Damian. I promise.”
“Do you still love him?” I’ve asked her this before. I need to know if her answer’s changed. I can’t move us forward if she’s in love with another man, it’s not my style.
Her body startles and her eyes widen. She shakes her head. “No. No, I don’t think I do. But he’s begging for another chance and it’s confusing.”
“He’s married.”
“Separated,” she corrects.
“He’s still married.” I argue.
She smiles. Finally, she genuinely smiles at me. “I don’t want to give him another chance, but I don’t know how to get him to leave me alone.”
I have a few ideas how I can get the asshole to never come near her again, but I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I need to focus all my attention on her.
Running my hands from her knees up to her stomach, my fingers sliding underneath the hem of her baggy shirt, she lets out a slight gasp as I wrap each of my fingers around her bare sides, her skin heating at my touch. Pulling her forward in her seat, her legs captured between my own.
“So we’re clear, Addison. If you were mine, I’d never let you be sad. I don’t want to ever see your eyes like this again.” I kiss her forehead and I don’t want to pull away. Her skin is so soft, her fresh scent intoxicating. Closing my eyes, I let my lips linger on her skin.
“Tonight. Let me be yours.” She whispers it and I want that, so badly I fucking want that, but it doesn’t feel right after what she just shared with me.
I pull my lips away and rest my cheek against hers. “Tonight’s not enough for me, Addison. I won’t be able to stop at just one night.”
Pulling her face away from mine, her eyes squint in confusion, but she doesn’t say anything as she takes in my statement. It’s calm and quiet on her balcony, the night surrounding us and I can’t help but smile into her beautiful eyes, watching her mind process what I said. And suddenly it’s as if everything falls into place and she smiles back, her eyes lighting up in understanding of what I need from her. “I’ll be yours tomorrow too.”