“He asked me to stay.” I start feeling sick from either the pace at which I’d just inhaled my food or the thought of having to face Damian.
“Well that’s sweet. Addison, he likes you. Maybe you should stop freaking out and give this a chance.”
When Damian found me on the balcony, I was lost. Not understanding how I could be anxiously awaiting the arrival of Damian one minute, then allow another man to touch me the next. Why does my body completely defy me when Matt is in the room, and why in the hell do I even allow him to get close enough to touch me?
Damian couldn’t have been clearer, he wanted more than one night, but I know deep down that if I continue to sleep with him, if I can’t straighten out whatever it is I’m feeling for both these men, it’s my heart that’s going to be on the line and I’m not ready to take that risk.
“Give what a chance?” My stomach is really starting to rumble. I can’t do this. I’m not good at casual and I’m not good at commitment. I should become a nun, it would serve me better.
“A relationship with Damian.”
“Mia, just because he wanted more than one night, doesn’t mean he wants a relationship.”
“You have no idea what he’s looking for, and unless you talk to him about this, you’ll never know.”
Feeling like a piece of my soul had left me, I can’t remember a time in the past five years that I hadn’t dreamt of the day Matt would waltz back into my life. The idea that another man would hold my interest; that someone would stand between me and the life I so desperately wanted seemed impossible. But, the pieces of my soul that were left empty by Matt’s departure and my father’s death have slowly started to return in the past two months and I only have Damian to thank for filling that void. I’m just not sure I’m mentally ready for this.
While my body has missed the touch of a man—the feeling of being adored and cherished, my heart wouldn’t withstand another heartbreak and the only way to protect it, is to simply not allow anyone access to it. Sleeping with Damian was a monumental mistake in the safety of my heart and I’m going to make damn sure, it never happens again.
I run to the bathroom and throw up, resting my head against the cold porcelain of the toilet.
“Jeez, Addy. You really were plowed weren’t you?”
“In more ways than one.” I sigh.
Mia starts laughing and we get off the phone. I drag my ass back to bed and crawl under the cool sheets. The building is silent. No music or television blares through the walls. Maybe he’s gone and it’s safe to go out on the deck and get a little fresh air.
I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. A glance in the mirror tells me I look like hell. The hickies running the length of my body only darkened further. Bite marks line my shoulders, I didn’t notice before and the bruises on the insides of my thighs still replicate someone’s fingers. A hickey the size of a golf ball blemishes the back of my knee.
“Bite me,” I whisper.
He groans, as his lips suck on the sensitive flesh behind my knee, the vibration of his throat traveling up my leg and between my thighs. Trailing his tongue up my inner leg, that sweet ache begins to crest, my insides burning with intense heat that need release as the scruff on his jaw gently scratches my sweet spot and I explode, my body convulsing, my hands gripping his head and my throat raw from screaming his name.
Damn, I’m so screwed. Quickly I splash cold water on my face.
His lips, his teeth, and the way he groaned when I asked him to bite me. A familiar ache begins in my belly.
I throw on my white terry cloth robe and Billabong hat to hide the bloodshot eyes and blotches on my face then tentatively make my way to my balcony.
Slowly sliding the door open, I take a cautious step outside. The coast looks clear. The sun is beginning to set and the sky is a pretty shade of bluish gray. I can feel a slight ocean breeze, and for once, I’m happy I live by the beach. The scent of the ocean is so familiar to me and instantly I feel calmer.
The sun is making its descent when I hear the door open to my right.
My body tenses, and I watch as Damian walks out on his balcony, shirt off, workout shorts hanging off his hips and running shoes on. His hair is wet from a recent shower and as he grabs for one of his T-shirts air-drying on the balcony, his back flexes and very red, deep scratch marks show themselves.
I want to run back inside. Not having noticed I am out here, Damian busies himself tidying up his place, but an abrupt turn lands his eyes on mine and like a punch to the gut, I’m breathless.
His face softens, and his lips curl up in a genuine smile. “I didn’t realize you were out here.” Damian pulls his shirt over his head, wincing as the material hits his back.
I watch him, not sure what to say or how to begin this conversation.
“You feeling okay, Addison?” he asks as he moves closer. Forgetting about the rail that separates our two balconies, he runs right into it.
“Better than this morning, but still not back to normal.”
A small smile hits his lips. “Give it a few days, you were pretty plowed.”
Internally laughing at how true that statement is, I ignore his comment.
“I’m on my way to meet Reed for a workout. I’d ask if you want to join, but you’re looking pretty content.”
My eyes sink. “I don’t think I’ll be able to hit the track for few days, my body feels like it’s been run over by a truck.”
He frowns, and his head tilts to the side as he studies me. “Can I come see you when I get back tonight? I think we have some things to discuss.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to discuss Damian. It happened and it’s not going to happen again. I think we both know it was a huge mistake.” I want to take the words back the minute they leave my lips. His eyes cloud with confusion and instantly fill with hurt. He’d said he wanted all of me and I told him I could handle it. Clearly, I was wrong.
“A mistake,” he repeats, his face turning into a cold hard mask.
With every ounce of energy I have, I face him and slightly nod, wondering if I just made an even bigger one.
He lets out a humorless laugh, turns and leaves.
Every window in my car is open, the air hitting me in the face as I drive to the Santa Barbara City College track to meet Reed.
A mistake.
How the fuck can she think last night was a mistake? She’s lying through her perfect swollen lips, and I have scratch marks down my back to prove it.
Her skin, her taste, her lips, fuck, those sexy lips that drove me wild while her eyes stayed locked onto mine. I’m getting hard at the memory.
I thought I’d made it clear that I don’t do mistakes; that one night is not on my agenda. Now, knowing what she feels like, there’s no way that was a one-time deal. She is going to tell me whatever warped reason she has for thinking we were a mistake last night. If my foggy memory serves me correct, last night was the first right thing that has happened to me in a long time, drunk or not.
Reed is waiting for me when I pull into the parking lot.
“Dude, you look like shit. What the hell happened to you?” He unzips his sweatshirt revealing a T-shirt that says “Time for a good ass-kicking. Yours, not mine.”
“A peacock invaded my life, Reed. That’s what happened to me.” Bending down to stretch my hamstrings, I miss the initial look of shock on Reed’s face.
“Damian, are you hell-bent on ruining your own life? She lives next fucking door to you!”
I stand up and take a defensive stance with my arms folded across my midsection. “How in the hell will that ruin my life?”