“Only when I have something to lose.”
Her thumb begins to run the length of my palm. I sit up on my elbow and stare down at her. “I don’t want to be an asshole.”
Looking in my eyes, her face softens and a small smile lifts the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want you to think I care more about my job than you or Emily.”
Lifting her hand to my lips, I kiss each finger.
“My dad is an asshole. I think the word player was created to define him.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t want to be like my dad.” Staring down into her beautiful eyes, I think she finally understands why I don’t want to just fool around. One day, I want a wife to love and kids to cherish. I want a white picket fence and a golden retriever. I want to give a woman what my dad couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give to my mom. And after Sunday, I want Addison to be the center of that life, my life, our life.
“I have no idea who your dad is Damian, but from the sound of it, you’re nothing like him.”
Lying back in the grass as it crinkles around me, I stare up at the clear dark night. “Every once in a while, when I look in the mirror, it’s my dad I see staring back at me.”
Reed’s the only other person that knows how much I’ve tried to avoid my father’s way of living. I know Addison regrets what happened last weekend, but she deserves to know why I freaked out on her. If I’m ever going to convince her that I’m exactly what her life needs, I need to start trusting her with who I am and why I behave the way I do.
Lifting my arm over her body, she snuggles into my side, her head moving onto my shoulder and her legs entwining with mine. She fits so compactly under my arm, her body melting in my side, and I’m as content as I’ve ever been in my life.
“You’re really taking her there?”
It’s impossible not to smile at the big blue eyes that stare up at me.
“That’s the plan. The show comes to Venice in three weeks.” Emily is looking at my iPad, watching clips from past American Ninja Warrior episodes. The minute I heard they were filming down in Venice Beach, I called in some connections and got two tickets to a show.
It’s been one week since Addison and I began to build back what we once had. One week since I held her in the grass and told her about my father. One week and I want her more now than I ever did before. Maybe it’s because I know exactly what she feels and tastes like. Or because in the few days that I was so mad I lost my fucking mind, and I never want to be that out of control again. Whatever the reason, I’m going to do whatever it takes to win her heart. I’m going to make sure she never wants to hear from that douche bag Matt again and that in the end, she chooses me. Because the reality show she’s entered is called life, and I plan on being her winning prize.
“Do you think she’ll say yes?”
“I’m not giving her a choice to say no. But it’s a surprise, so don’t mention anything if she comes to visit.”
Emily slides her fingers over her mouth like it’s a zipper then flicks her fingers like she’s throwing away a key.
“Nice, I like that promise.” I fist bump her and sit back in my chair.
“Who are you surprising?”
I turn at the sound of the voice that I’d know anywhere. “Mom. What are you doing here?” Standing, I give her a big hug. Fifty-two years old and eight kids later, my mother looks the same as she did when I was in high school. Her short blonde hair and blue eyes are such a contrast to my own dark appearance.
“Thought I’d drop in and surprise you all. I haven’t seen Emily in a few weeks and something must be wrong with your phone because I haven’t heard from you in a while either.” Her eyes widen accusingly and I have to chuckle at her attempt to guilt trip me.
“Sorry, I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, he’s got a girlfriend, Mrs. Walker.”
I shoot Emily a look, warning her to zip it, but she smiles back at me with a big toothy grin.
“Really? Tell me all about her. And Emily please call me Carol, sweetie.” My mom isn’t even talking to me. She’s sitting next to Emily’s bedside trying to get the juicy scoop from her. It’s ridiculous.
“And he’s bringing her down to Venice?” My mom’s eyes pop up to mine asking for confirmation and I give her nothing. “Well let’s hope he’s smart enough to bring her by to meet the family.” She sits back and begins rummaging through her purse. “Now, enough about Damian, I brought you the first book in the Harry Potter series. Do you want me to read it to you?”
Emily’s eyes sparkle as she nods and lies back down.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m going to let you two catch up. Call me and we can have dinner when you’re done.”
I give them both a kiss on the head and head out. I love my mom. She’s probably the best mom in the world, and when all is said and done, I can only hope Emily finds a mom just like her.
“So tell me about Addison Peacock?”
My mom stayed with Emily for a few hours until she fell asleep. Meeting me at one of the Mexican restaurants on State Street, she’s put her menu down and is staring at me with pure curiosity in her eyes.
“She’s my neighbor and no, she’s not my girlfriend.”
Nodding she takes a sip of the blended strawberry margarita in front of her.
“But she must mean something to you.”
Placing my menu on the table, I look my mom right in the eye. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Uh oh. This doesn’t sound good.” She slowly puts her drink back down.
I don’t really want to talk about my love life with my mom. Especially when at the moment there isn’t much to tell. But she is my mom, and I don’t want to shut her out either. Huffing out a frustrated sigh, I throw my menu on the table.
“Okay, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up.”
She stays silent, her soft eyes silently telling me to continue.
“Addison means a lot to me. I don’t want to mess it up. So, I’m taking it slow until she’s ready. She’s had a rough few years and needs some time, but yeah, there’s something there.”
Smiling she focuses her attention back on the menu until the server appears to take our order. And that right there is why I love my mom so much. She doesn’t ask me another question about Addison, doesn’t pry, doesn’t question my decisions or my thought process, she got what she wanted, confirmation that there is a woman in my life and that I’m working on it. She knows if I need advice, I’ll ask. My mom is fucking perfect.
We spend the next few hours catching up on Emily and how her treatment is going, how Thomas is trying to keep me at a distance, and how my own attorney is working on getting me some sort of temporary guardianship so that I can have a say in what happens to her. Although none of it looks good from my standpoint.
“That poor little girl. There has to be something else we can do.”
When I learned Megan had a daughter, I kept that information between Reed and me. When she ended up sick two years later, I called my mom, pushing the guilt and shame to the side I knew I needed her advice in figuring out the best way to help Emily. My mom lives in Malibu with my stepfather and I still have two brothers in high school that need her, but when she can drive up and visit, let Emily know she’s cared for, she makes the effort.
“Well, when you come up with a brilliant plan, let me know.”
We eat dinner, and she’s able to get a few more details about Addison out of me. My mom has always had a sixth sense of knowing how to fix just about any problem and she’s never failed in being there for me . . . ever. So, while I’m sad to see her go, I feel a new sense of awareness, like I can see the world a little clearer now.