For the first few weeks of Damian’s arrival in my apartment building, I looked forward to our morning routine. Watching him drink his coffee shirtless on our respective balconies and wondering who was going to come out with the craziest coffee mug was the highlight of my day. But ever since we came to some sort of truce over our one night of life altering sex, our nightly routine has become my favorite part of the day. For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every night going for a run, then we eat dinner, and in some form or fashion, I always end up lying between his legs, my back to his front as he wraps his arms around me, and we gaze up at the stars.
He hasn’t kissed me since the night he left me standing breathless on our front porch, and talking about sex is out of the question. But I now know more than ever, that what we shared that night was so far from a mistake, that if I could take those words back, throw them out to sea and anchor them to the bottom of the ocean, I would do it in a heartbeat.
I messed up and I have no clue how to make it any better.
“I think I may lose my job,” I say as I snuggle further into his body, his strong arms embracing me.
“Why? Did you take the sex for money offer you told me about a few weeks ago?”
I gently jab him with my elbow and he grunts in reply. “Thomas keeps asking me to work on Emily’s case, and I keep finding reasons why I’m too busy. That excuse is only going to last so long.”
Damian’s arms squeeze me tighter. “Quit. Come work for me.”
I sit up a little and look back at him. “You mean fight for custody of Emily for you?”
He shakes his head. “No, I already have a team of attorneys working on that. I’m not getting Emily, but they’re trying to find some way for me to have a part in her life, guardianship or something like that. Maybe getting my mom involved.”
“Your mom?” This is all news to me. I assumed Damian had attorneys, but he’d never mentioned it before.
“Yeah, my mom’s raised eight kids, she and my stepdad can certainly afford to bring Emily into our family. I don’t know. It was a thought I had the other day and my team is trying to figure it out. But I’m sure I have a place for you in Extreme Mindlessness.”
I’m going to ignore that comment for now. First, I’m not interested in working for a fitness company and second, there’s no way I’m going to work for Damian. There’s too much that can go wrong with that scenario. I am however interested in this new development with his mom. Part of me thinks this idea is genius, the other is slightly hurt he never ran this idea past me before. I know Damian is close with his mom, but I had no idea they were close enough to discuss Emily’s future or that his mom would want to be a part of it. This is a huge reminder that he hasn’t let me inside his inner shell, and I don’t like the feeling one bit.
“Why are you scowling?” he asks as he sits up and his hands cup my face.
“I’m not scowling. I’m thinking.” I pull my face back slightly so he can’t touch me and his eyes open wide in surprise.
“Are you thinking about pouring that glass of wine over my head? Because you don’t have such a nice look on your face.”
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
He looks confused. “In what way?”
“In every way.”
“Addison, where are you going with this line of questioning?”
Debating how best to say this without sounding like a schoolgirl, I finally just blurt it out. “My feelings are hurt that you’ve been working on some plan for Emily, and you didn’t tell me about it before.”
My insides are angry, my throat thick with tension that I’m risking my job for him and yet he hasn’t given me the decency to let me into every part of his life. I know we’re not a couple, but dammit, except for the sex, we’ve been acting like one for the past few months. If he wants me to give him more than one night, he has to give me a little more of him. He’s got to give me something to let me know I’m not going to wake up one day and find him gone. I’ve already lived that nightmare once and I’m not interested in living through it again.
He doesn’t answer me, instead he grins, and his arms slide around my sides as he pulls me down on top of him. His breath is warm in my ear. “Addison, I literally came up with that plan this morning. But it is such a fucking turn on that you care so much that you’d get mad at a little late information. And if we were having sex, I’d do you right here on this lounge chair.”
Yes! Desire slams into my body at the thought of Damian taking me right here and instantly I have never wanted to have sex so badly. In this moment I know, I want this—always. Us as a team. I’ve always wanted to be a part of a team; maybe that’s why I’m obsessed with reality television. People working together to make stuff happen.
Matt was supposed to be my team. Then Paige and Mia became my team and I love them, but there is a void that I’m ready to fill, a loneliness that has been crawling all over the outer edges of my heart for years now. I never thought I’d get here, moving past the hurt and betrayal that I’ve lived with for so long. Damian was right when he said I needed to have sex, life-altering sex to move forward. I haven’t thought much about Matt for the past two weeks. And surprisingly, my phone’s been blissfully silent. For someone who claims to have left his wife for me, I’d think he would work a little harder at getting my attention, do everything in his power to make me believe he really wanted me. But Matt is not a man who can be trusted, and I need to remember that.
He shifts so we’re on our sides, face-to-face. His hand runs through my hair and his eyes follow the movement of each strand falling gracefully down to my shoulder.
My hand rests on his chest, his heart beating steadily under my palm. “Damian. We were never a mistake.”
Bringing my hand to his lips and kissing each of my fingers, he smiles into my palm. “No we weren’t.”
Feeling my heart pick up pace, I need tell him how I feel. He needs to know that I’m ready to move this forward. “Damian. I want this. I want you.”
Desire fills his eyes, and his breath deepens, but at the same time I feel a restraint begin to seep in. “One day Addison, when you have no more doubts, when you’re secure enough in your life to take a risk on me, we can take this further. But for now, I think we should continue to take this slow.”
Cupping my face with his hand, he leans forward. His lips gently brushing against mine, his breath coming out in a whoosh as he gently parts my lips and slips his tongue inside. I moan deep from the back of my throat and press my body up against his, throw my leg over his hip, and try to ease the deep ache that has begun between my legs. His erection is prominent, jabbing into my gut as I move closer to him. I’m completely lost in this moment, his hard body lined up against mine, his soft lips moving so passionately with my own. My hands grip his biceps, and I move to take this further.
Groaning from deep in his chest, he slightly backs away and begins to nibble at my bottom lip, down my jaw and to my throat. “As much as this kills me, Addison, I’m going to ask you to go home.”
What? No! Shaking my head, I grip him tighter. “I have no more doubts, Damian. I’m ready for the risk.”
His slight smile tells me this is something he’s been thinking long and hard about. He sits up so we’re face to face. “Addison, even though we were drunk, I remember every inch of your body, every sound that came out of your swollen perfect lips and every place your tongue touched me still tingles with desire. That night was the first right thing that’s happened to me in years, and the only reason you called us a mistake is because the way I make you feel scares the shit out of you. I’m not about to scare you away again.” His hand runs through my hair one more time and then he gets up off the chair, his pants tented and my body on fire.