‘The IBA will love the idea,’ said Tony happily. ‘More programmes, more employment, better coverage. We don’t have to actually build the fucking thing. But if we wave Board sanction and some provisional architect’s plans under the IBA’s nose, it’ll keep them quiet until the franchise is in the bag.’
‘I’m sure the Board won’t wear it, when we’re slashing budgets everywhere else,’ said Ginger.
‘Leave it to me,’ said Tony.
Tony was at his best and his most urbane at board meetings. On his right and left sat Georgie looking beautiful, and Ginger looking ugly. Beyond them sat Simon Harris, who never spoke, and Miss Madden taking the minutes. Beyond these two, down the long elm table, sat members of the Great and the Good, including an MP for Stroud, a winner at Badminton, a famous composer who lived in Oxford, an educationalist from Stratford, a bishop, a famous footballer, and several industrialists who lived in the area, and, of course, Lady Evesham.
As the meeting got under way, everyone expressed great satisfaction at the kudos Declan’s programmes had given Corinium. Resolutions were then passed, budget cuts agreed. Lady Evesham then held up the meeting for at least twenty minutes. First she handed round marmite sandwiches. Having risen at six to write her biography of Emily Pankhurst, she was very hungry. Then she raised a complaint from ‘an unnamed young woman researcher’ — actually Deirdre Kilpatrick — who’d been denied the right to breastfeed in the newsroom.
‘Oh Christ,’ thought Tony, glaring at Simon Harris.
Typically, it was Simon who had given Deirdre the go-ahead to bring her baby in, because he thought bonding was all important. Deirdre had then proceeded to whip out great grey tits all over the building. As the coup de grâce, Baby Kilpatrick had regurgitated milk into one of the newsroom word processors just as Charles Fairburn was showing the Bishop of Salisbury round the building. Charles had promptly fainted and Tony had banished the baby.
Now Tony cleared his throat: ‘I told the girl not to bring her baby in any more,’ he said to Lady Evesham. ‘It was quite old enough to go on the bottle, and she’s got a perfectly good nanny at home. It distracted my reporters in the newsroom.’
‘Surely they should be above that kind of distraction?’ said Lady Evesham frostily. ‘This is the twentieth century.’
‘If one girl is allowed to bring her baby in, they all will.’
The famous footballer, who was given to ribaldry, then said it was always the ugly old feminist boots who wanted to breastfeed in public. If the pretty ones wanted to do it, none of the blokes would mind. He received a stony glare from Lady Evesham.
Tony, who thoroughly agreed with the famous footballer, but had to pretend to look disapproving, thought it was high time Lady Evesham resigned, and Cameron, who wouldn’t stand any truck with breastfeeders, took her place on the Board.
Saying he’d look into it, Tony moved briskly on to the subject of cutting costs. He then proceeded to bore the meeting rigid with details of expenditure on stationery and calculators, and whether it was really necessary to supply the sales’ staff with portable computers. Everyone glazed as he compared the merits of endless different models.
It was two minutes to one. Hearing the chink of bottles in the director’s dining-room next door, everyone perked up. A delicious smell of boeuf Wellington drifted under the door.
‘Well, that’s all for the day,’ said Tony. Then, as everyone dived for their bags and briefcases, he added, ‘Except for one item that may not be on everyone’s agenda: the proposed new studio in Southampton. The question of our not giving sufficient attention to the Southampton end of the territory has been raised before.’
‘Hear, hear,’ said the footballer, who’d once played for the Saints.
‘You’ve all agreed the idea of a new studio in principle,’ went on Tony.
The directors scratched their heads. . Had they? They were instantly distracted by another waft of boeuf Wellington.
‘The building of the studios will create a lot of employment in the area,’ said Tony briskly. ‘We’ve got a costing which can be easily accommodated within the budget. Ginger?’ He cocked an eyebrow at Ginger Johnson.
‘Easily,’ said Ginger.
‘And you’re for it, Georgie?’
‘Very much so,’ said Georgie, who was lost in admiration.
‘Simon?’
Simon Harris had been so unnerved by the breastfeeding incident that he nodded even before Tony got his name out.
‘Oh look, it’s snowing,’ said the footballer, distracting people even further.
‘Everyone else in favour?’ Tony smiled down the table.
Lady Evesham’s was the only dissenting hand.
‘Good,’ said Tony, gathering up his papers. ‘Come and have a drink everyone and meet Declan O’Hara.’
Any further thoughts about studios evaporated as they surged next door.
There was great excitement at Corinium the following Wednesday, when Dame Nellie Finegold, a friend of Lady Evesham, and one of the last surviving suffragettes, who’d agreed to come on Declan’s programme that evening, dropped dead from a heart attack.
Even greater excitement was caused when the Prime Minister, who was in Gloucestershire opening a new hospital and later dining with the Cotchester Regiment, graciously agreed to step into Dame Nellie’s shoes to balance Declan’s extremely favourable interview with the Leader of the Opposition the previous week. The Prime Minister, appreciating the value of preaching to eighteen million viewers, thought she could handle Declan. Her one condition, which Tony leapt at, was that Declan should submit questions first, and make an undertaking not to depart from them.
‘This is our chance to nail him,’ Tony told Cameron gleefully. ‘If he submits questions today, we can insist he does the same for all future interviews. Then we can manipulate him to our own advantage. You’ve seen how lethal he can be with Maurice; just think what havoc he could cause in an election year.’
Declan looked tired and tense as he walked into Tony’s office waving a sheaf of the Prime Minister’s cuttings. Tipping back his chair, Tony stretched his legs and gazed consideringly at him for a moment.
‘This is a big day for you, Declan.’
Declan grunted. ‘I’m very much looking foward to shaking her by — ‘he paused — ‘the neck.’
‘Now, now,’ said Tony, ‘let’s keep it all sweetness and light.’
‘The PM’s only coming on the programme if she knows exactly what you’re going to ask her, and no funny business,’ said Cameron.
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ snapped Declan. ‘Why should she be treated differently to anyone else?’
‘Because she’s the PM, dumbass, and the IBA is ultimately answerable to her, so she’s got to be kept sweet.’
‘Not by me she hasn’t.’
‘Don’t be so fucking pigheaded,’ screeched Cameron.
An almighty row followed, ending in Declan flatly refusing to do the interview and walking out.
Cameron and Tony exchanged glances of joy and horror — what the hell were they going to do? The Prime Minister was already in the area. She was due at the studios at seven-forty to go on air at eight. The network had been trailing Declan’s dramatic change of guest since lunchtime.
‘James will have to do it,’ said Tony. ‘But we won’t announce the change of plan until just before transmission, or we’ll lose the audience.’
In his office, having just re-written his links for ‘Cotswold Round-Up’, James switched off the wireless because he was fed up with hearing Declan’s signature tune. Turning to his fan mail, he found a letter from Sarah Stratton thanking him for his standard letter thanking her for coming on the programme. Nice bold handwriting, thought James; he was sure those huge loops to the Ls meant something. During their drink at the bar, he’d decided she was very attractive, and wondered by what ruse he could see her again. But a second later, as Cameron burst into his office, his thoughts were only for one woman: the Prime Minister.