Jesse shrugged again.
“You feel uneasy,” Dix said. “Is it the introspection that leads to the unease or is it feeling uneasy that’s making you introspective?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. You know. There’s only one expert on Jesse Stone in this office and it isn’t me.”
Jesse said, “I think I’m feeling uneasy.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Discomfort means something is going on.”
“What?”
“Same answer as before. I can’t know what’s up, but my sense is that you’re changing.”
“Changing?”
“Isn’t that what you’re really talking about, Jesse, changing? Isn’t that why you come here?”
“Maybe.”
“When did you start this new pattern of behavior, this looking at your decisions?”
“Late last spring.”
“And what happened late last—”
But Dix never got to finish his question.
“Suit,” Jesse said.
“What about Suit?”
“You know the answer.” Jesse’s voice changed.
“I do, but I think you need to hear yourself say it.”
“Suit was shot. There.”
“You sound angry, Jesse.”
“Do I?”
“Very. Who are you angry at? At me? At the man who shot Suit?”
Jesse ignored the question. “I’ve had men killed under my command before.”
“But you’re not here talking about before or other men. What is it about Suit?”
Jesse hadn’t answered. He’d sat there in silence for the remainder of the session and he hadn’t gone back to see Dix for weeks. Even now, in the midst of a case where Dix’s insight and perspective would probably have been beneficial, Jesse hadn’t scheduled an appointment. Jesse hadn’t answered Dix that day, not because he didn’t know the answer. He knew the answer. He had known the answer before he ever walked into Dix’s office. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself, let alone say it aloud.
Jesse looked down at his drink and noticed the ice had completely melted. Before he could move to do something about it, his doorbell rang.
22
Tamara Elkin stood on the welcome mat, an unopened bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label in her hand.
“You going to ask me in, Chief, or am I going home to drink this alone?”
“If you stop calling me Chief, I’ll consider it.”
This wasn’t the first time a woman had shown up unexpectedly at his door, but he’d never been shocked by their presence. Surprised? Sometimes. Not shocked. This was different.
“Jesse, may I please come in?” Dr. Elkin said, adding a sarcastic curtsy.
“Please.”
As she passed him, he caught a blast of her grassy, sweet perfume. Her curly hair, freed from its bonds, bounced as she walked. The way it moved and framed her face reminded Jesse of a lion’s mane. She placed the bottle at her feet and removed her parka to reveal a low-cut white sweater over tight jeans and black cowboy boots. He was staring at her again, as he had when they first met. She noticed, but just smiled that mischievous smile of hers. A smile, Jesse thought, full of promise and trouble.
“What should I do with this?” she asked, holding up her coat.
He took it from her and hung it on a standing coatrack next to his jacket.
She picked the bottle up from the floor and wiggled it. “And this?”
“Follow me.”
Tamara Elkin liked her scotch neat. Jesse decided he’d go with it that way, too, as he hadn’t had much luck with ice before her arrival. They clinked glasses and sipped. Jesse sat down in his leather recliner. The doctor made herself comfortable on the sofa. And she did seem awfully comfortable, stretching herself out, propping herself up on an elbow. She had long legs and a runner’s body, not the kind of build that usually got Jesse’s attention.
She pointed at the full highball glass on the coffee table. “I see you’ve had a head start.”
“It’s untouched, but not for lack of trying,” Jesse said. “I got distracted, then you showed up.”
“If you’d like, I can go.” Her face lost its smile.
“Don’t. I’m glad you’re here. And speaking of that...”
“I was curious,” she said.
“About?”
“You.”
“What about me?”
“You don’t get a job like mine and not hear about Jesse Stone. You’ve got quite a rep there, Chief — excuse me, Jesse. Almost from the day I got into the office, you seemed to be a popular topic of conversation. And your popularity seems pretty gender neutral there.” She raised her glass to him. “The guys talk about your ball playing mostly and about you and the ladies.” There was that smile again. “The women talk about your looks and your... I don’t quite know how to put it. Your self-containment, maybe? It’s like the cowboy thing down in Texas.”
“The cowboy thing?”
“I got my medical degree at the University of Texas and interned in El Paso.”
“Now the boots make sense,” Jesse said.
“Texas, as you might’ve heard, is big on mythmaking. The biggest and most enduring myth of all is the cowboy myth. You know, the lone man riding the range. The man who needs nothing more than his horse and what he came into the world with. Maybe he’s nursing a broken heart or he’s out there searching for the right gal.”
“And is that going to be you, Doc, the right gal?”
She laughed. It was a deep laugh, deeper than her voice would have suggested.
“Not likely, Jesse. I don’t think I’ve ever been anybody’s right gal for more than a few months. Usually, I’m the right gal until the sun comes up. See, I’m a lot like you.”
“Are you?”
“More than you know.”
Jesse freshened their glasses. “Really?”
“Really. I was a world-class distance runner, five and ten thousand meters, mostly. Got me a full ride at Vanderbilt. I might’ve made the Olympic team if I hadn’t tried to run a steeplechase for fun. I came over a hurdle, my foot hit the water pit, and I slipped. Broke my left femur in four places and wrecked my right knee in the process. Good-bye Olympics. Hello recreational jogging and medical school.”
“Ouch.”
“How’s that right shoulder, Jesse?”
“Gives me a lot of trouble on raw nights like this,” he said.
“Don’t I know it. I’ve got a failed marriage under my belt, too. Great guy, just not great for me. Handsome son of a bitch. He was used to a lot of attention. Guess there wasn’t enough of me to give him all the attention he needed.”
“Okay, Doc, you’re batting a thousand so far.”
“Heard you’ve got a weakness for this stuff.” She shook her glass, then took her drink in one gulp.
“Do I?”
“That’s what the cops from the surrounding towns talk about, your drinking. They tell me you got hired here because you were a drunk.”
“They’re right. Long story for some other time.”
“I’m not judging. I’ve got my issues, too, if you hadn’t figured that out. Got me in some trouble.”
“That how you wound up as ME of this corner of the world?”
She nodded. “It’d take some prodigious pretzel logic to explain how coming here from the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner of the City of New York is career advancement.”
“You’ve got my attention,” he said.
“Long story for some other time.”
“So why are you here, Doc? In my living room, not in Massachusetts?”
“Not because I’m the right gal,” she said, “but because I’ve been very alone for a very long time and I could use a friend.”
She stood up from the couch, walked over to Jesse, bent over and kissed him hard on the mouth.
Jesse was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a liar, especially not a liar to himself. He was severely tempted for lots of reasons, not the least of which was the way Tamara Elkin smelled. He liked the way her hair felt against his cheek. Her kiss was also sweet and skillful. He, too, had been alone for months, having seen Diana only once since last spring. But there had been all sorts of temptations he had learned not to give in to.