“Bored?”
It probably did look that way. Her staring off into space while he worked at exciting her body. “Never.” She pulled her hand from under the covers to touch his face. “Sed?”
“Look, if you’re not into this—”
She silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips. “I don’t want this to just be about sex anymore. I want…” What did she want? “I want you to make love to me.”
“Isn’t that just sex?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not. It’s so much more.”
“Jess, I’m exhausted, I’m not sure I can live up to your expectations.”
He didn’t get what she meant. And she was too afraid to clarify. Maybe she’d work up the courage to bring it up again at a later time. She just couldn’t force her pride down enough to put her mistakes about him to words. I was wrong, Sed. So wrong. Why couldn’t she say it? She felt it. Remorse for hurting him. Regret for time lost between them.
“That’s okay,” she said. “I’m sure whatever you have in mind will be wonderful.”
His fingers moved between her thighs, stroking her to excitement quickly.
“I just want to be inside you,” he whispered. “Where I belong.”
She reached for his cock, gently stroking its length up and down. Touching him fueled her excitement. His fingers dipped inside her, testing her readiness. She opened her legs for him and urged him to settle his hips between her thighs. Resting on his elbows, he looked down at her in the lamplight. “Help me find you, Jess.”
Why did she feel like those words held more than one meaning?
She guided him into her body and he slid into her slowly, never taking his eyes from hers. He captured her wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of her head. Why did he do that? She didn’t like him to overpower her.
“Don’t hold me down.”
“I’m not holding you down, I’m holding myself up.” He released her wrists and kissed her temple. “How do you want me to hold you?”
“I don’t know. Equal.” Equal? Even she wasn’t sure what she meant by that.
He stretched her arms above her head and linked his fingers with her. “Is that okay?”
He withdrew slightly from her body and pressed deeper. Her back arched. “That’s wonderful.”
They stared into each other’s eyes as Sed found an agonizingly slow rhythm. She couldn’t decide if it was the connection between their bodies or the one between their souls that gave her greater pleasure. She couldn’t look away from his gaze. And she didn’t want sexual release. She just wanted to be with him. Forever, like this. Together.
“I always want to be a part of you,” he whispered.
Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t help it. “You always are a part of me, Sed. Even when we’re apart.”
“Yeah. I feel like that, too.”
She struggled to free her hands from his, and reached up to grab the back of his neck. She lifted her head and kissed him passionately. When she drew away, he grinned at her crookedly. “Are you trying to get me excited now?”
“You weren’t excited before?”
He looked like someone caught in a lie. “Well…”
She chuckled. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop trying to get you excited.”
“I’m excited in a whole different place,” he said. “Well, yeah, there.” He swiveled his eyes pointedly in the direction their bodies were joined. “That’s always excited when you’re near. But other things are excited, too.”
She tightened her sheath around him and wriggled her hips, massaging him inside her.
He gasped and his eyes drifted closed. “Ah, okay, mostly just that part now.”
His thrusts into her body didn’t intensify however.
“If it’s okay with you,” he said, “I’d just like to concentrate on feeling you around me. Knowing I’m a part of you.”
“That’s perfectly okay with me.” She liked this closeness. It greatly differed from their usual need for excitement and intense pleasure, yet satisfied her in a way she couldn’t explain.
Jessica lost track of time, but it must have been at least an hour later when they finally sought release together. Her pleasure had built slowly, so when it finally unleashed, her entire body writhed beneath him in ecstasy. She somehow kept herself from screaming, but couldn’t quiet her excited gasps. He let go a moment later, not his usual growling, cursing display of insanity. His mouth fell open in wonder, his head tilted back. He held his breath and stared into her eyes as he spent himself inside her.
He drew her against him and kissed her temple. “I love you,” he whispered. “I can’t keep it inside any longer. I know you don’t feel the same—I can live with that—but it doesn’t change how I feel. I love you so much I can’t breathe sometimes.”
She hugged him, her heart too full to repeat the words. She’d say them as soon as she could find air. She tried to relax, but her entire body remained tense in his arms for several moments. She didn’t think she was ready for this. She did care about him. She did. But she still didn’t feel his equal and it was something she needed to be happy. She wanted a partner, not a dictator.
An agonized moan came from the next bed. Trey sounded more wounded animal than human. Sed jumped out of bed and into his pants. He forced Trey to take a drink of water. Trey slurped from the glass, gripping Sed’s wrist.
“Oh God, kill me, Sed. Even my bones hurt. Please, just kill me.”
“Can’t do that, buddy,” Sed told him. “I need you. And we both know this is all about me.”
He glanced over his shoulder at Jessica and winked.
Okay, she couldn’t try to deny it any more. She loved him. So much. She needed to tell him. Wanted to tell him. But she didn’t. She would. When the moment was right. And it wasn’t right. They needed to get Trey better first, so they could decide what to do about these feelings.
Trey covered his mouth with the back of his wrist. “I’m gonna throw up.”
Sed hauled Trey out of bed and got him as far as the bathroom threshold before he vomited all over the floor. Jessica slid into her nightgown and climbed out of bed to help.
“Sorry. Sorry,” Trey groaned and got sick again. In the toilet this time.
“Nothing to be sorry about, man.”
Sed pulled a towel from the rack above the toilet and Jessica took it from him. “I’ve got it.”
He smiled his gratitude and she bent to clean up Trey’s mess.
“Don’t make her clean that up. I’ll get it,” Trey whispered. He threw up again.
“It’s not a big deal, Trey,” Jessica assured him. He hadn’t eaten anything all day so it really wasn’t a big deal. She rinsed the towel out in the sink and made another pass over the floor. “I’m just glad you missed the carpet.”
“Do you want another drink of water?” Sed asked.
Trey’s eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. “That’s what made me puke.” Sitting on the floor, he leaned against the tub and rested his forehead on his bent knees. “Can I have another pill yet?”
“Half a dose,” Sed reminded him. He glanced through the bathroom doorway at the clock radio on the nightstand. “And not for two more hours.”
“I’ll die by then,” he whispered and then went quiet.
Jessica watched Trey with concern. He didn’t move a muscle. Almost as if he really had died. “Is he asleep?”
“I think so.” The two of them stared at him for several minutes. He’d gone so still, Jessica wasn’t sure he was still breathing.
She worried her bottom lip with her teeth until she couldn’t stand idly in the doorway any longer. She grabbed Sed’s elbow. “Sed, check him.”
Sed leaned over and shook Trey’s shoulder. “Trey. If you’re going to sleep, go back to bed.”