Clay stepped in close, glancing toward the front of the store to be sure they weren’t overheard. “It’ll be up to me when she and I start hitting the sheets. Because I don’t let my women fuck around with other guys.”
Instant pain crippled Matt’s intended response. He held his fists at his sides, containing the rage that wanted to explode out and take Clay to the floor in a scrambling heap of violence.
He shuffled off numbly to grab his tools from the back. By the time he came out, Clay was already gone, saving him from having to figure out what to do to the guy.
At the front counter, Hope didn’t smile much as she rang in his mom’s purchases. She wasn’t rude, but what she gave him sure wasn’t the same smart-assed take-charge attitude he’d come to expect. More as if she was resigned and upset, and her wretchedness broke through his protective wall, the one that snapped up involuntarily every time he was reminded about Helen.
She passed over the bag, and he caught her fingers with his, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intention.”
Hope paused. “I get that. And let me be real clear—I do appreciate having my shelves up, but I don’t want to be used in some my dick is bigger than yours contest you’ve got going with Clay. I won’t take it. You understand?”
He nodded, but as he wandered out into the bright sunshine and the cold that was enough to make him gasp, Matt wasn’t really sure he understood at all.
Chapter Eight
The table remained crowded with bodies, although the highchairs had been pushed to the side. Blake and Jaxi’s baby girls celebrating their first Christmas were being passed from arm to arm. The boys from Beth and Daniel’s family bobbed and weaved through the post-chaos of Christmas dinner. Matt stared down the expanding line of his family, a strange mixture of warmth and lingering chill enveloping him, the cold having nothing to do with the freezing temperatures outside.
Jesse and Joel were home from college for a few weeks. Travis alternated between tormenting and confiding in them, just like old times, the three of them gathered together at the end of the table. Right now they were laughing under their breaths, glancing around guiltily every now and then, and he bet anything they were discussing their latest conquests.
He turned to his right and ignored the envy that rose at the realization his younger brothers were probably getting more action than he was.
“You guys heading into Calgary tomorrow?” he asked Daniel.
His brother shook his head. “Beth’s parents went south for the holidays, so there’s no reason for us to make the trip, not in the cold. Her sister said she’d come visit when the weather breaks, but right now traveling when we don’t have to? Not a great idea.”
“No kidding. Wind chill makes it nearly minus forty.” Matt stared at the blowing snow in disgust. “You sure you don’t want to come and check the newborns with me in an hour or so?”
Daniel laughed. “God, no. I openly confess my nine-to-five existence suits me far more than I ever imagined.”
“Bastard.”
“Uncle Matt.” A tug on his sleeve made Matt slam his lips together with a guilty glance in his sister-in-law’s direction. Beth shook her head but still smiled.
He turned to answer his youngest nephew. “Yes, Mr. Robbie. What can I do for you?”
“Come play a game.”
“Well, sure, that sounds like a great idea.” Little fingers dragged him upright, leading him away from the table and the grown-up conversations.
“Hey.” He glanced back to see his oldest brother Blake grimacing. “You sneaking out of washing the dishes?”
“Of course not.” Matt grabbed Robbie’s hand and pointed. “I’m not sneaking, I’m being escorted.”
He waved farewell to the laughter and went willingly with his nephews to the downstairs room to be introduced to their most recent board game, which he then lost in a spectacular fashion five times in a row.
Drifting. That’s all he was doing. He’d recognized the truth more and more in the past week. Especially with the cold snap making it difficult to do anything but deal with chores as quickly as possible then hide out in his trailer with the newly installed wood-burning stove roaring as hot as possible.
With all the life and happiness around him, the contrast stood even bolder—he’d been a shadow for nearly a year now, and it was time to be done moping like a teenager over things he couldn’t change.
Matt ruffled Robbie’s hair and crawled to his feet.
“Well, boys, it’s my turn to head out and give some Christmas cheer to the animals. Thanks for the games.” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Thanks for saving me from dishes too.”
He got a couple hugs and one fist bump from his oldest nephew who was far too cool for hugging. Wrapping up against the cold, going through all the chores with Blake’s easy presence at his side—it was comfortable, routine, mindless. Yeah, drifting was pretty much the right word for his life.
It was time to shake himself up, even if he didn’t know what that meant.
Blake headed toward the house, the lights along the eaves shining like crazy stars clinging too near the earth. Matt followed for a moment before changing his mind and heading toward his truck. He was halfway to town before he realized what he was doing.
Wondering why he’d headed her direction wasn’t something he could explain either. Would Hope even be home?
He pulled into the parking area outside her shop, and his hopes fell when he spotted her empty parking stall. Still, there was a light shining on the second floor, so he dragged himself out, reaching into the extended cab space for the present he’d been hauling around all week.
Just in case he ran into her.
The doorbell at the top of the landing went off with a cheerful buzz, and he was delighted to hear noises approach. Hope’s eyes appeared in the slim window to the side of the door, a frown creasing her forehead.
“Matt?”
He smiled and offered the package. “Merry Christmas.”
She stared for a moment then shook herself. “Merry Christmas. Come in quick before we lose all the heat.”
The heavy scent of peppermint in the air tickled his nose. It was warmer inside than the last time he’d been in her apartment, but not much. Mostly because he wasn’t as cold to begin with.
“What brings you out on a holiday?” Hope shuffled from foot to foot. She glanced over her shoulder then excused herself, disappearing into the kitchen.
Matt didn’t answer—didn’t know how to answer. Instead, he put down his package. He was in the middle of taking off his layers when the realization hit he’d come straight from chores. “Hey, is it okay if I use your washroom?”
A burst of laughter rang from out of sight. “No problem, but if that’s all you stopped by for, you need to learn to go before you leave the house.”
He washed up, still wondering exactly why he was here. Kind of like he’d wondered the entire time he’d been working on the gift he’d brought her. It made no sense, but he wanted…
Nothing. He wanted nothing.
“Would you like a cup of tea or some apple cider?” Hope asked.
Matt slid into the living room, looking around, his curiosity rising. “Cider would be great. I left before they brought that out, and it’s a Christmas tradition.”
She bought him a mug and gestured to the lone chair that was free from swatches of fabric. “Have a seat. Don’t mind the chaos.”
“Did the shop explode?” He sat gingerly, wondering if the straight-backed chair could hold his weight.
“Just a few projects I thought I should get going.”