"Speak for yourself," Reggie said. "I never was so miserable in my whole life."
"It was monotonous at times, I grant you that," Teddy said. "But you had no worries and plenty of money. Plenty of beer and plenty of cigarettes and plenty of women. Shall we give them an old RAF song, Joe?" He started to sing softly. "Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles - "
"Whoa," I said. "It's too early for filthy ballads."
"I'd forgotten I was respectable," Teddy said. "I've sung that at all the best hotels in Lincolnshire. With Wingcos and Group Captains joining in. Happy happy days!"
"It may have been like that for you," Reggie said. "As far as I was concerned, war was hell. All I did at first was drill under a blazing sun in itchy woollen underwear. Then I peeled potatoes. Later on I became the British Army's most inefficient clerk. For a while I was quite happy. At least I didn't have to handle loaded weapons and such-like dangerous objects. Then some inhuman planner at the War Office started cutting down administrative staff. So I became the British Army's most frightened infantryman. The day I put on my demob suit was the happiest day of my life. Granted, I came home to discover that the bloody Library Association had made their exams ten times as difficult, thus giving a flying start to the women and the conchies - "
"No shop," Teddy said. "The Library Association's shop. Definitely." He looked at me then put out his hand to feel the texture of my suit. "High-grade worsted," he said. "And look at that shirt and tie! My goodness, Mr. Lampton, however do you manage on your coupons?"
"He has connections," Reggie said.
Reggie gave the clenched-fist salute. "Joe for King! Vote Labour!"
"You idiot," I said. "You know what Hoylake's like about politics."
"That's not politics," Teddy said. "Just a saying. Reggie used to chalk it on his tank before he went into battle."
"I never saw the inside of a tank," Reggie said. "I once saw a Jerry open the turret of a Sherman and throw in a hand grenade. The feeling of security they gave you at first sight was entirely ill-ill-illusory. Frankly, I've always believed in the old-fashioned war of attrition, when you stayed in a cosy concrete dugout and let the artillery do the fighting. I never could get HQ to agree with me, though. I always seemed to be advancing regardless. All over Africa, all over Italy."
"I thought I recognised you in Desert Victory," Teddy said. "A gallant figure with a bloodstained scarf round your head waving your men onward."
"I wish it had been me you saw," Reggie said. "I was one of the poor devils who got waved onward."
I heard the Librarian laughing. He had a high-pitched, rather effeminate laugh.
"That's his dirty-joke laugh," Reggie said. "He has a special one for every occasion. A respectful laugh, a refined laugh, a derisive laugh when I say something he doesn't agree with ... If he'd been my sergeant I could always have found a chance to shoot the bastard. I should have stayed in the Army."
"You intellectual types," Teddy said. "Never content."
The Librarian joined us. He was a small man with eyes so deep-set that they gave the effect of being mounted horizontally. He was about thirty-five, and didn't look as if he'd ever been any younger.
"Enjoying yourselves?" he asked.
"We're just fighting the war over again, sir," Reggie said. He winked at us. "We decided that we should have let the Russians polish off the Germans and then gone in and polished off the Russians with the atom bomb." He winked again at us.
"Just what I've always said." The Librarian fizzed with enthusiasm. "The Allies have paid dearly for their mistake. When I was in Germany I saw what the Russians were really like. I don't mind admitting that I was a bit of a Communist before the war, but I soon changed my tune ... What are you lads drinking?"
"We've ordered, thanks," I said. "Won't you have one with me?"
"Do you know, I think I will. They're all plutocrats at the Treasurer's, Reggie. That's always how it is: we torch bearers of culture are paid starvation wages, and the hard materialists, the men of facts and figures, are the lords of creation. I'll have a half of bitter, Joe."
"Pints here," I said. "Nothing but pints."
"We are making a night of it, aren't we?" He laughed, but I couldn't classify the laugh this time. "Mr. Hoylake has just imparted a rather clever story. Two old colonels were sitting in their club one day - "
I didn't listen; I was remembering the way I'd checked Teddy and Reggie, I was remembering the way Hoylake had, in effect, refused a drink from me and then from the Librarian. He'd bought the drinks, not out of kindness but because of a protocol that wasn't, when one weighed it up, very much less rigid than diplomatic protocol. But the prizes were so small; Hoylake was the richest man in the room, with a salary of a thousand. George Aisgill, I was certain, would spend that amount on food and drink and petrol alone. Even Bob Storr wouldn't get much less than a thousand. In business, I ruminated, I'd have to soft-soap people whom I despised, I'd have to steer the conversation towards their favourite subjects, I'd have to stand them meals and drinks. But the game was worth the candle; if I sold my independence, at least I'd get a decent price for it.
" - And the second old colonel said: ' Female camel, of course. There's nothing queer about old Carruthers.'" The Librarian threw back his head and laughed shrilly.
The beer was beginning to take hold of me; I realised that I'd had seven pints without noticing it. I worked out a little sum in my head: five one-and-fours plus one one-and-four minus one one-and-four from Hoylake - "
"I meant to tell you. Joe," the Librarian said, "how much I enjoyed your performance in The Farm ."
"Hell," Teddy said, "so did he. I bet he rehearsed those love scenes! Admit it, you young ram."
"Tut tut," I said. "My relations with Mrs. Aisgill are pure as the driven snow."
"Funny old driven snow," Reggie said.
The Librarian giggled. "You really shouldn't cast aspersions. Though to tell you the truth I shouldn't personally object to a pure friendship with the lady to whom you refer." He wiped the sweat from his brow and took a long pull from his pint pot. Like most inexperienced drinkers, he felt obliged to keep up with the rest of the party; with a heroic effort, he drained off the rest of the pint, then hiccuped painfully. "Excuse me, gentlemen, I must go to change the goldfish's water, as the French say." He went out hastily, looking pale.
When he'd left, we burst out laughing. "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging," Reggie said. "The poor devil's not used to it, is he?"
"It's the thought of Alice," Teddy said, "unchaste thoughts are running riot."
"Tell the truth, Joe," Reggie said. "Aren't you doing a bit for her?"
"You mustn't ask me such questions. If I say yes, I'm a cad, and if I say no, I'm a liar." I grinned maliciously. "Would you like her yourself, Reggie?"
"My God, would I not! She's terrific. A trifle long in the tooth, mark you, but she has style, real style."
"What about June?" Teddy said. "Say a kind word for June. She has the merit of being a virgin too."
"She's only a child," Reggie said. "I'd feel the hot breath of the Sunday press of my neck if I made a pass at her. There's no comparison."
I felt a deep exultation. Whatever desires they had been tormented by, I'd fulfilled, and in six days would fulfill again. I was given for the asking what they'd never get in a thousand years; and I'd be given Susan too; and, if I wanted her, there was no reason why I shouldn't be given June.
Then I thought of Sparrow Hill and Warley Moor again. I knew that there was a cold wind outside and a light covering of snow. It would be quiet there and untouched and clean. The beer went dead inside me; I felt choked with my own selfishness as nasty as catarrh; there was nothing in my heart to match the lovely sweep of the moor and the sense of infinite space behind it and a million extra stars above. Then I shook the depression off me.