“Do you mean that?”
“Let thunder strike me dead if I’m lying.”
“Don’t say that. I would rather die if thunder struck you. You’ll laugh when I tell you this. When I was younger, I once went to a literary forum in Xijing where you were giving a talk. I had never seen you before, but for some reason an idea crept into my mind — I’m going to marry him. Later, after I met you, I tried to find ways to see you, but I couldn’t ask you in person. So I asked a friend to tell Jing Xueyin about me and asked her to talk to you. She sneered and replied, ‘Where did she get the idea to come to me?’ I was puzzled when my friend told me about her reaction, but then I heard that you and Jing were an item. I was so upset, I could have kicked myself. Then I learned that you and Jing broke up and you married Niu Yueqing, and I cried. After that, I went to your house once and met Niu Yueqing. When I saw how pretty and talented she was, I gave up and married Wang Ximian. Now we’re both older, and after what we just talked about, I’ve decided to tell you this. You don’t have to say anything. I’m at peace with myself now that I’ve finally done what I’ve always wanted to do.”
He sat blankly, too shocked to speak. His lips quivered. His heart filled with remorse and deep emotions as he thought back carefully over the years since they’d met.
“Don’t say anything,” she repeated, “I don’t want to hear it.”
In the end, a sigh represented all the things he wanted to say to her.
They sat quietly for a while before there was noise in the staircase, followed by a shout from Ruan Zhifei: “You’re still here, Zhidie? Ah, you’re a real friend.” He came in, and Wang’s wife got up. “Zhidie is a real friend,” she said to Ruan, “but what about you? You asked for his help but didn’t stick around or feed him, walking off like that. You’d have had to pay someone to watch your house, wouldn’t you?”
“I said he was a true friend, but I’ve changed my mind. If you hadn’t been here, I doubt that he’d have stayed this long.”
Zhuang got a towel to help Ruan dry his hair and told him he had run into her at the market earlier that evening and had come to Ruan’s place to get out of the rain. They hadn’t had anything to eat yet. Ruan apologized, saying that the factory had hosted a dinner after the performance. He wanted to leave but they wouldn’t let him, so he had to stay in order not to offend the host. Then he shouted upstairs for one of the performers to go get some takeout.
After they ate, Ruan read the article that Zhuang had written and was enormously pleased. He brought out some liquor, but Wang’s wife said she had to head home, and Zhuang said the same thing. Ruan asked them to wait till the rain stopped, offering to hail two taxis for them. After they had finished half a bottle, their faces turned red and shiny, but it rained on, while the rumbling thunder intensified.
“Why must you insist on going home in such a downpour?” Ruan asked. “One of you can sleep in this office, and the room next door is vacant, with clean bedding.”
“That’s fine with me, but I don’t know about Mrs. Wang,” Zhuang said.
“Ximian isn’t home, and I’m used to coming and going on my own. I just can’t leave that cat behind.”
“That’s easy. I’ll call both of your places for you,” Ruan offered. “Niu Yueqing asked me to get Zhidie out of the house, so she won’t accuse me of getting him involved in any monkey business. With you, Mrs. Wang, I’ll call Ximian’s mother and ask her to take care of your cat. How does that sound?”
“Please tell her not to forget to feed the cat tonight. There’s a fish in the fridge. She can give the cat half of it.”
“Ai-ya, you’re feeding a cat like it was a husband,” Ruan said as he went upstairs to place the calls.
When he came back down, they resumed their conversation and finished the bottle. It was late, and Ruan’s head was getting heavy.
“Don’t stay up too late,” he said as he asked who would take it. Zhuang took a look and said the bedding looked cleaner, so she should take that one. Ruan told them where the toilet was and where they could get water, and then wobbled his way up the stairs. Before long, it was quiet. Zhuang went to get some water for himself, and then brought some for Wang’s wife. “Here, wash up and go to bed. It’s a cool night, great for sleeping. I’ll knock on your door in the morning, and we can have mutton cakes at Laosunjia.”
He went back to the office, closed the door, and wiped himself down before going to bed. A good drinker, he had finished half the bottle, but not only did he not feel the effects of the liquor, he was tense. He lay in bed listening to the rain for a while before his thoughts turned to Wang’s wife. Over the decade since they’d met, he had always been fond of her, but he had never allowed his feelings to go any further, treating it more like a secret one-sided admiration. After what she had told him earlier that night, he was surprised to learn that the feeling had been mutual. Reminded that she didn’t want him to say anything, he rolled over, forcing her out of his mind; but the more he tried, the harder it was not to think about her. How could he not? Despite himself, he compared her with his wife, with his mistress, and with Liu Yue. All that comparative examination got him so aroused that he had an erection. Without turning on the light or lighting the candle, he put on his clothes and got off the bed to pace the room for a while before opening the door to stand in the hallway. Feeling listless, he went to the toilet, but nothing came, so he returned to knock on her door.
“Who is it?” Wang’s wife asked.
“It’s me,” he said, leaning against the door with his eyes closed.
“Is everything all right?” she asked. “Just a minute.”
A light shone through the transom window, which was pasted over with newspaper. He heard her walk up to unlatch the door.
“Come in,” she said without opening the door. So he pushed it open and saw her sitting on the bed, her blouse draped over her shoulders and a terrycloth blanket covering her lower body.
“Did you hear the cat crying upstairs and think it might have reminded me of my cat?”
“I—” Zhuang stammered as he closed the door and walked over to the bed, not sure what to do next. She understood what was happening.
“Zhidie—”
He bent over to hold her head in his hands and whispered, “I can’t sleep. I—” He put his wet mouth over her thin lips. She put her arms around him and twisted around, bunching up the blanket to reveal that she was wearing pink panties. She looked like a mermaid. Zhuang climbed onto the bed with his shoes on, but she cooled off at that instant and stopped him with her hands.
“No, Zhidie, we can’t do this. You’d be cheating on your wife, and I wouldn’t be able to face my husband.”
Zhuang wouldn’t listen, but she quickly wrapped herself up in the blanket and looked at him with pleading eyes. He froze. She reached out to smooth his clothes and asked him to sit at the head of the bed.
“I fell in love with you and don’t think I’ll ever stop, but we can’t do this. If you do love me, let’s wait till we’re both old. I don’t mean to curse my husband, but if he dies before me, and Yueqing before you, then we can be together. But if we both die before them, then that’s our fate. We can’t escape our destiny and shouldn’t force the issue. Otherwise, if we don’t stop here, life will be difficult, since you and Ximian are both famous, and after only one night as husband and wife, we’d continue living with our spouses with a sense of remorse.” She finished with a sad smile as she dried his tears, before reaching into her bra and bringing out a coin tied to a cotton thread.
“You saw this earlier, didn’t you? I wear gold rings, gold earrings, and gold bracelets, but no gold necklace, not because I don’t have one, but because I can’t bear to part with this coin. I took it from your windowsill that time I went to your house to take a look at Niu Yueqing. I wanted to wear something of yours since I couldn’t have you. Ximian knows nothing about this. Now I’m telling you, and I want to give it back, but not as something I’m returning. I’ve been wearing it for over a decade now, so it has been infused with my sweat, oil, and body odor to become an important part of me. I’m giving it to you so you’ll know what I’m like.” She took the necklace off. He put it around his neck and started to walk out tearfully, holding the coin in his mouth. When he got to the door, he stopped and turned to look at her. She laid her hands on her belly with an agonized smile.