Food or no food, I couldn’t stay in the bathroom all night. We needed to deal with this thing, but I had no idea how. There was a long, twisted history between us. Jax’s years away had built up the wall I kept around my heart, but the longer we spent together, the more it crumbled. I was sure the same thing went for him. One moment of weakness would be all it would take. I could slit his throat while he slept. I didn’t really believe there was anything that could make me hurt him, but it wasn’t a risk I wanted to take.
“Sammy?” Jax’s voice came from the other side of the door, followed by a soft knock. Right on cue. “Please tell me you didn’t fall asleep in there. I don’t want you going all demon assassin on my ass.”
Time to suck it up. I yanked open the door. “Yeah. I’m good. Just taking my time. Trying to process and all.”
He stepped aside to let me pass. I rounded the corner, aware that he was following right behind, and froze when I got to entrance to the living room. On Kelly’s fifty-two-inch television was the starting menu for my favorite cartoon—Lilo & Stitch. On the coffee table in front of the TV was a huge bowl of popcorn and two cups of steaming liquid—coffee. I could smell it from here. Jax was the only person I’d ever met who didn’t make fun of me for dunking popcorn into coffee. “What’s all this?”
He came around to stand in front of me. “A chance to process.”
“Shouldn’t we be, I dunno, out looking for a way to break the link?”
“Where would we look, Sammy? I talked to Heckle while you were in the shower. He’s still looking. No luck so far, though. His resources are better than mine. Our best bet is to sit tight for now.”
“Well, what about that witch? Sadie Gray? Shouldn’t we get the midnight stone from her? At least then Havat will give us a name. If we have a name, maybe we can—”
“Can what? Find the demon that fed from you? Get it to set you free out of the kindness of its heart? Kill it? Are you feeling particularly suicidal?”
Shit. That was right. Kill the demon and the link—aka me—died, too.
A lump formed in my throat and I sank onto the couch. He was right. There was nothing to do but wait it out and hope to God Heckle turned up something useful.
We’d done this so many times as kids. When Kelly worked late nights at the hospital and I was scared and alone at home, Jax would sneak over and we’d spend the night in front of the television. How many mornings had we missed the school bus? We’d spend the entire day in the woods at the fort behind Rick’s house. In reality, it wasn’t that long ago…so why did it feel like another lifetime?
Jax settled on the couch—close, but not touching—and pressed play. The opening credits rolled and the movie started, but I found it impossible to pay attention. Every few minutes I felt Jax looking at me, but when I glanced over, he’d turn away.
We sat there, silent and staring at the screen, but I knew neither one of us was paying attention. After about twenty minutes, Jax grabbed the remote from the table. Hitting pause, he sighed. “This isn’t helping.”
I sat up. “Sure it is. I feel much better.”
“You’re lying.”
“I am not.”
“You are,” he insisted. “I can tell.”
“Really? How exactly can you tell?”
“I can see your sadness.” His voice got lower. “Your confusion, too.” He leaned a little closer and inhaled. Arm outstretched, he waved his hand in a circle around my head. “Demons feed on negative human emotions, remember? We can smell them, but we can also see them.”
“So what color are mine?”
He watched at me. For a moment it almost looked as though he was holding his breath, and when he spoke, it was soft. Just barely above a whisper. “Dark blue, mostly. Sadness. There are traces of gray, too. Fear.”
“Makes sense,” I said, twisting so I was facing him, too. “Since I’m scared and all.”
“We’ll figure this out.”
“Will that be before or after your demon buddies come to kill me?” My eyes stung, and my heart thumped. No. Not now. Not when I’d done such a good job keeping my shit together for the most part. But it was no use. The tears gathering spilled over, blazing trails of warmth down my cheeks. “Or I kill you.”
“You won’t kill me,” he said. “Right now, I think you should get some sleep.”
“Sleep?” Was he insane? “Didn’t you hear what that guy—”
“Demon,” Jax corrected.
“Whatever. Didn’t you hear what it said? I’m more susceptible when I’m sleeping.”
“I thought about that,” he said, standing. I watched as he crossed the room and disappeared into Kelly’s bedroom. When he came back, there was a pair of old silver handcuffs dangling from his right hand. “And I have a solution.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh, or blush. “Where the hell did those come from?”
He strode across the room, swinging the cuffs, and winked. “Kelly doesn’t clean anything. They’ve been there for years. I can’t believe you never found them.”
Without another word, he tugged me from the couch. My pulse quickened. A moment ago I’d been exhausted. Now though, every inch of my body hummed like a flash of lightning. The idea of being cuffed and at Jax’s mercy did odd things to my stomach. A nervous flutter and a rush of heat washed over me. Stupid, since that’s not where he was going with any of this. Preventive measures. That was all this was.
Jax’s hand lingered at my shoulder for a moment, before skimming down my arm and gently guiding it behind my back. There was a metal snap, and the cold feel of the steel cuff against my skin tickled.
Or maybe not.
He stepped behind, between me and the couch, and took the other arm, restraining it as he had the first. “This is selfish,” he whispered, leaning close. The warmth from his breath and the deep, dark sound of his voice in my ear brought goose bumps to the surface.
“H-how so?” I managed.
He came around to the front, expression severe. “You’re restrained. Not a danger to me at all. But—” Jax ran a hand over my cheek, then trailed his fingers down my neck and over my left breast. “I’m still a danger to you.”
Ho-lee crap.
Talk about a total body meltdown. I did my best to keep breathing evenly, but my body had other plans. Pulse spiking, I said, “Do your worst.”
The war between what he truly wanted, and the fact that he’d been insisting they couldn’t be together, raged behind his eyes. I saw the exact moment he broke. The tension in his body melted away. With a gentle push, I toppled back onto the couch. Jax was on me in an instant.
His lips crushed mine, violent and possessive, stealing my breath away. “I want you so fucking bad,” he breathed against my lips.
Tingles exploded from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, making me warm in all the right places. I made a move to grab his shoulders and the sound of metal filled the air.
Jax laughed. A dark sound that nearly made my heart explode. “You’re at my mercy,” he growled. In a single yank, the shirt tore in half, and a chill raced across my exposed skin.
“Holy shit,” I breathed, straining against the cuffs as his mouth came down to nibble on the tender flesh beneath my bra. When he got to the nipple, I twisted and bucked, squirming against the electric feel of his eager mouth.
My reaction only seemed to drive him harder. He chuckled against my skin, teeth tugging at the edge of the bra. “I love the sounds you make. Music. They’re like pure fucking music.”