I hear Harlow shouting something to the girls about “her” bathroom while she approaches my bedroom. Opening the door, she looks at me and smiles.
“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Sorry, I had to run and catch Trace before he left. When I came back in, you were nowhere to be found.” She grabs a pillow and lies down next to me on the bed. “I know this sounds overly dramatic, which I am completely not, but it’s going to be weird not seeing him for a while.” She lets out a frustrated breath and covers her face with her hands. “What is wrong with me?”
Turning my head to face her, I laugh.
“Well, the list is so long that I have to break it up into categories and then subcategories…where would you like me to start?”
“Alex! I’m serious. I’ve never felt this way about a man. I usually just sleep with them and then conveniently lose their phone numbers.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s weird. I feel like I can’t get enough of Trace. He’s different. I don’t know…it’s hard to explain.”
“Harlow, there’s nothing to explain. I’ve been there. I know how it feels when you start to fall in love.” I watch her eyes double in size. I can’t tell if the look on her face is from surprise that I actually said it or the idea of her actually being in love with anyone. I begin to laugh so hard at the look on her face that warm tears begin to stream out of my eyes and into my hair. Only Harlow can make falling in love this funny.
Trying to control my laughter I clear my throat and try to speak. “Harlow, seriously, it’s okay to have feelings for someone. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Actually, it makes you almost human.” Her mouth shoots open and she gasps dramatically. Then, she reaches over and smacks my arm. I, in turn, smack her back with my good hand which leads to a two minute long smackfest.
“Okay! Okay! Truce!” I shout. She gives me a long look, waiting for me to smack her one more time, something I’ve been known to do in this situation. She relaxes when she realizes she’s no longer in danger.
I smile widely at her, declaring my victory. “Well, glad we’ve gotten that out of our system.” I clear my throat again to finish what I started to say before our very mature smack battle. “Anyway…Harlow, I think it’s a good thing you to want to be around him. I know it scares you, but it’s scary for most people, not just you. Just look at all the happy couples out there; don’t you want even a little bit of that for yourself? Because, my dear, if anyone deserves that happiness it’s you.”
“Alex, I’m not even going to say how much you need to heed your own advice.” Harlow shakes her head. “But I will say that yes, it does scare me. I mean, I was there when Derek died too. I lived everyday with you, watching his death almost break you. It was then that I decided I would never allow myself to become that vulnerable with anyone. But I find myself thinking that Trace might be worth it.”
I can see the sadness in her eyes when she looks into mine. I know it’s hard for her to talk about what happened with Derek. We were all really close; those two were like brother and sister. I’m not even sure she had a chance to grieve because she jumped straight into “help Alex function in day to day life” mode. I give her a slight smile and turn my head in the opposite direction, looking once again at the armoire.
I understand how she feels. “Yeah, I get that Harlow. Completely.” The comfort of Blake’s friendship, the way it makes me feel, definitely makes me vulnerable. I never thought I would ever let anyone else into my life after Derek passed. But after spending the weekend with Blake, I can’t picture my life without his friendship. And I don’t want to. So, yeah, I completely understand where Harlow’s coming from.
I turn back to her and shrug my shoulders. “I guess you just have to figure out if he’s worth taking the chance. I have to agree with the old adage…‘It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.’ Luckily I had that love once, and I think you deserve to have it too, hopefully with a happier ending. But you’ll never have your happy ending unless you’re brave enough to open the book and start your story.”
Harlow sighs heavily.
“Alex, you can have more than one happy ending. It bothers me when you say things like that. You still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Are you really convinced that you have to spend it alone?” she reluctantly asks.
“It’s not that I’m convincing myself, I just can’t see it happening. I have too much going on to make time for that stuff and my girls get priority. Maybe when they’re older I can take time for me, but until then, I’m not going to abandon them while I pursue a failed love life. It’s just not going to happen. I’ve already accepted that and I really wish you would. You have someone in your life who makes you happy, let’s just concentrate on that for a while, okay?”
“Oh alright, Alex,” she huffs at me, “But I’m not dismissing this conversation completely, I’m just postponing it. Understand?”
I shoot a wide grin at her and exhale a sigh of relief. “Now,” I say with heightened amusement, “Tell me about this dove hunt!”
I don’t think Harlow understands anything at all about dove hunting, but she evidently enjoyed herself. Though she does admit, in strict confidence of course, that she absolutely hated getting up at five o’clock in the morning. Duh. She must have put on an academy award winning performance with Trace, because the poor man has no idea how much Harlow hates mornings.
Or maybe she only likes mornings with Trace?
I really hope this is the case. I would hate for him to have to witness the early morning, long-winded, and ridiculously loud temper tantrums she has when woken up before she’s ready.
She also admits to having a wonderful time during the hunt; he was very “up-close and personal” when he was trying to teach her how to shoot. Needless to say, they didn’t shoot a thing.
But, she did make wise use of the pockets in her vest that were supposed to hold the shells, throwing a lip gloss in one and a compact in the other. Trace evidently found this hilarious. This is extremely good to know, because that right there is 100% all Harlow Reed. She also refused to wear the ear protection he got for her, because it would’ve messed up her hair, so he gave her some ear plugs as a compromise. Flexible. Another trait that makes him perfect for Harlow.
While I’m extremely happy for her, I’m also careful not to push. I can’t stand when she does it to me, and, if I do push her, she’ll just do the opposite; I know this from much experience. I lay next to her as she tells me about the trip with Trace and keep my mouth shut, but inside my head, I’m doing the happy dance.
We decide after she finishes her story to actually make an effort to check on the children. We walk out of my room and down the hall while still talking about her weekend. Once we reach the living room, I can no longer concentrate on what she’s saying because I’m completely overwhelmed by the smell of bleach and pine scented cleanser.
“Harlow, seriously?” I ask her rounding the corner heading to the bathroom. “Do they have to clean the bathroom every time you’re here? Please tell me you reminded them about the bleach spray?” I ask, picking up the pace.
“Yes, I did…I don’t know why you’re freaking out! They asked me! They wanted to do it. They said something about saving money to buy stuff for breakfast…whatever that means.”