“Acceptable. Go on.” she replies.
“Well, after the breakdown sessions were over, we actually had a great time. I haven’t laughed like that in forever. I don’t know. There’s a comfort I have with him that I can’t explain. It feels really…good. I don’t feel like I have to pretend with him, you know?” Harlow nods her head in response.
“Yeah, I understand. There’s nothing you need to explain. Just let it be and enjoy the friendship. Let him in, Alex. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You don’t have to fight everything.”
I absolutely adore this woman.
I walk over to her and give her a tight embrace. “I love you, you know,” I say, pulling back and placing my hand on her shoulder. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m wonderful. I know. I love you too, sweetie. I must, because I don’t get all mushy over just anyone.”
“Except maybe Trace?” I ask her with a mischievous grin on my face.
She lets out a laugh. “Definitely Trace.”
“I’m really happy for you, Harlow. I hope it works out for the two of you. There’s definitely something there. You would have to be blind to not see it.”
She gives me a love struck smile and I know my friend is in trouble, a good kind of trouble. A, jump in both feet first and lose yourself, kind of trouble. I give her a nudge with my elbow and smile back.
“I’m gonna go check on the girls. They’ve been pretty quiet for a while, which always makes me nervous.” I turn to leave the kitchen. Rounding the corner to head to the bathroom, I almost run over Rylie.
“We’re done, Mommy!” she says beaming with excitement. “I’m gonna ask Harlow for our money. Nycole and Kyndall said I was littler so I would get more than they would.” I watch her skip away to collect their money. I can’t help but laugh to myself. Jeez…my kids never fail to surprise me with their ingenuity.
I check out the bathroom and it is indeed sparkling clean. I continue on to the older girls’ room since I can hear Kyndall’s voice getting louder as I make my way down the hallway. I stop by the door to listen before I open.
“I had so much fun with Blake! He was so nice and he let me ride on his shoulders! I can’t wait until we get to see him again!” Kyndall say enthusiastically. Okay, I guess this would be an opportune time to discuss Blake with the girls. I know it may be premature, but I want to make sure they understand my relationship with him.
I slowly open the door. Both girls’ heads whip around to look at me and they stop mid-jump on the bed. I raise my eyebrows giving them my “you know better” look. They both fall immediately on their bottoms.
“What are you guys up to in here, besides the obvious jumping on the bed that you know you’re not supposed to be doing?” I sit down on the bed with them.
“Talking about Blake, Mama,” Kyndall says with a smile.
“What about Blake, baby?”
“Well, I was telling Nycole how much I like him. He was really fun and he made us laugh! I can’t wait ‘til he comes back over!”
I nod my head at her and turn to look at Nycole who’s watching me closely. I have a feeling she knows where this conversation is headed.
“What about you, Nycole? How do you feel about Blake?” I reach out and pat her leg, encouraging her to speak.
“Well…he was fun. He was really nice to us. He read us each a story last night. And he didn’t even mind reading Rylie’s book. I like him,” she says hesitantly.
I move closer to the girls, making sure each one is on either side of my body. Putting my arms around both of their shoulders, I begin the ‘Blake’ discussion.
“Well, I like him too. You know, we’ve been friends since we were very, very little. I have known him a very long time, and I’m glad that you like him as much as I do. But I need to talk to you about my relationship with him. We’re friends and that’s all. I am not in love with him like I was with your dad. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace him with Blake. It’s really important that you understand that. Your daddy will always be your daddy, okay. No one can take his place in your heart. Do you understand?”
They both nod at the same time so I continue. “So, you’re okay with us being friends then?” Smiles from both. “And you understand that we are only friends.” Still smiling. Good. “I also gather that you’re alright with him coming over sometimes?” I ask this with my own smile because they’re now nodding their heads so hard I’m worried they might fall off. “And I say sometimes because he’s not going to be able to come over every time you guys want him to. He just spent the weekend with us and I think he deserves a break so we’re not asking him to come over for a while, okay? ”
“Yes ma’am!” I grin at both of them as they simultaneously shout their response.
“Alright – well, listen girls, if there’s anything you want to discuss with me about Blake, now or ever, I want you to come and talk to me. You know we don’t keep things from each other in this family. So I want you to always be open and honest with me, okay?”
“Okay,” they both respond as I bring them in close to my body, squeezing them tightly.
“Mom, can I say something?” Nycole asks, suddenly looking very serious.
“Of course, honey.” I release them from my embrace, but leave my arms draped over shoulders.
“I just want to tell you that another reason I really like Blake is because, well…,”she hesitates.
I let go of Kyndall and turn my body to face Nycole. Urging her on, I place my hand on top of hers. “Go on baby, its fine. Tell me.”
“Well, it’s just that you were different when he was here. You smiled and laughed a lot more. And you didn’t seem so sad, that’s all. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you happy like that. Blake makes you happy and that’s why I like him.” She makes her statement while focusing only on our joined hands. She then looks up at my face and shrugs her shoulders. “That’s all I wanted to say.”
I squeeze her hand. Wow. I guess I’m not hiding things as well as I thought from them. Harlow’s right. My sadness is affecting them. I never knew.
“Thank you for telling me that, Nycole,” is all I can manage to say. I can feel the moisture beginning to form in the corners of my eyes.
I wrap my arms around her and give her a hug. “I love you, Nycole. Thank you for being honest,” I say, quickly swiping a tear from my cheek.
“You’re welcome, Mom. I didn’t mean to make you sad,” she whispers in my ear.
I release her and look her in the eyes. “It’s not you, baby. I promise. I always want you to be honest with me, okay?”
She nods at me and I give her shoulders a quick squeeze. Turning to Kyndall, I ask, “Is there anything else you would like to say?”
“Um…you’re the best mommy ever? Oh, and Rylie’s really annoying. That’s about it.”
I can’t help but break out in laughter. “Kyndall…I don’t know what I would do without you!” I say, giving her a hug too. She giggles and squeezes me back tightly.
“Mama?” she asks while still in my arms.
“Yes?”
“Is it too early to ask Blake to come over tomorrow for breakfast?”
“Kyndall Meyer!” I shout in astonishment. I let go of her and give her my well practiced look of disapproval. She giggles and runs out of the room.
Surprising me more than her request is the fact that I actually consider it for a second. I mean, I know I won’t, but the fact that it even crosses my mind rattles me a little.
Great…It’s official.
We’re all Blake-fiends.
Harlow and I quickly fall back into our routine over the next week. She stays over every night, helping me with baths, fixing the girls hair, making dinners and lunches, and of course, driving them to school in the mornings. But by the end of the week, my hand feels a lot better and my fingers start to work normally so I don’t really need help anymore. As much as I enjoy her company, I decide I can be declared officially “Harlow free” by Friday. Plus, that leaves her the weekend to spend as she wishes…aka Trace O’Donnell.