I think my shin is cramping.
A cab finally decides to stop for me and I climb in, handing him the paper. I close the door and rehearse the speech in my head. I decide to stop going over it when the cabbie looks at me in the mirror like I’m crazy. I guess mouthing it while rehearsing isn’t such a good idea. I remain quiet the rest of the ride.
Soon after, the cab begins to slow, and I take my first look at Blake Morgan’s home. It’s actually really cute. It’s in a nice suburban neighborhood and has red brick with white siding. There’s a big oak tree in the front and I notice the lawn’s well kept…he must have a regular crew considering how long he was in Texas.
Looking down at my watch, I cringe.
12:37 AM. Alex Meyer. Psycho Stalker.
Oh well…here goes nothing.
I tip toe as I walk onto the porch. I’m not really sure why, since I’m about to wake him. I guess it’s a habit I developed from toilet papering Ashley Thompson’s house with Harlow. I wipe the sweat from my palms on my pants and raise my fist to knock on the door. Taking in a final deep breath, I say a little prayer and knock quickly. This whole situation seems very familiar.
I wait for a couple of seconds. Nothing. I knock again and wait. Still nothing. I lean over to look in his driveway. His bike is parked by the garage. Getting frustrated, and cold – I dressed for Texas weather, dumb – I ring the doorbell the same way Rylie would, at least twenty times in a row.
I cover my mouth in nervous excitement when I hear Blake stomping down what sounds like stairs and approaching the door. The porch light comes on momentarily blinding me. I think quick and cover the peep hole with my finger. Which is pointless, because I soon see Blake move the curtains aside on his front window. I give him a hesitant wave.
“Alex?” I can hear the aggravation in the tone of his voice. I guess this is a bad time to start having second thoughts? “What in the hell are you doing here?”
Here we go.
“Freezing my ass off. Let me in, Blake. I need to talk to you.” I start jumping around in place to keep warm. I hear the locks turning and then he cracks open the door.
“Go back home, Alex. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry you came all the way here for nothing. But I have nothing else to say to you. I’ve moved on…just like I said I would. You’ve made your decision. Now please, go.”
Ouch. That was a little rougher than what I expected.
“Really, Blake? Where am I going to go? Seriously, let me in.” Before he can refuse, I push my body up against the door, once again placing my foot in the doorjamb to keep him from being able to close it. I take both hands and push them through the crack of the door, making sure to keep one set of my fingers extended while the other wraps around the side. “My fingers are in the door, Blake! Just letting you know so we can avoid any unnecessary injuries! It would be really shitty for you to break my hand again!” Even pushing with all my strength the door doesn’t budge. “Just open the damn door!” I give it one last push and the door flies open.
I immediately fall forward and almost land on the floor when I feel Blake’s arms wrap around my waist from behind to keep me from falling. As he pulls me up, I can feel the current flowing between our bodies. I sink into him without realizing it. The only reason I know is because as soon as he sets me back on my feet, he steps away and the weight I was putting on him causes me to stumble back a bit. I correct my balance and turn to look at him.
“Necessary? Do we have to do this every time? All I’m asking for is five minutes of your time then I’m gone. That’s it.” I watch as he shuts the door. He turns back to me. “Clock’s ticking, Alex.”
Oh, the pressure.
“Well, I was planning on longer than five minutes actually, so I’ll have to give you the shortened version I guess. It’s not the one I rehearsed on the way over here so bear with me.” Nervous rambling. Nice.
Obviously annoyed, he crosses his arms over his chest and shifts his weight to his other leg.
“Okay, so, I came here to tell you I’m sorry. For everything. I never really gave you an honest chance. I know that now. I think in the back of my mind, I was waiting for something to happen so I could push you away. It just happened sooner than later. And I’m sorry for that.”
He doesn’t say anything so I continue.
“Blake, you deserve so much better than me. The way I treated you in the past, up until how I treated you a couple of weeks ago...I’ll understand if you choose to move on after this conversation, but I need you to know something before you do. I need you to know that you make me feel whole. Before you came back, I was empty. Completely empty. I thought I could live like that but I was wrong. You have given me hope that I can be happy again. That I can love again. That I can feel again. The warmth I feel when I’m around you…it soothes my soul. You have given me life again. Your love fills my heart with such joy; I can’t even put it into words.”
I take a step forward to gauge his reaction. He steps back. Okay – more convincing needed.
“I love you, Blake. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. So I had to come here and fight for what I love. I want you. I want you in my life every day. I want to kiss you every day. I want to fall in love with you, over and over, every day. I want to live the rest of my life showing you how grateful I am that you saved me. You saved me from allowing myself to live a life with no emotion. No happiness. And I’ll live everyday in debt to you for that. So if you don’t choose me, I get it. I understand. But I had to come here and tell you face to face that I love you. And that I don’t mind needing your help for the rest of my life.” I say the last sentence with a smile.
When I finish my speech, I take a step backwards. I take off my jacket to show him the last ditch effort to get him back. I chuckle to myself, watching the glitter as it falls onto the floor. Nycole loves her glitter.
“The girls and I made you something and I would like you to see it before you make your decision. It’s no G.I. Joe replacement, but hopefully it will do.” With my back to the door, I let him read the front of the t-shirt we crafted.
Top 10 Reasons We Need Blake Morgan:
“I’m going to turn around and let you read why we need you in our lives. If you still feel that you want to move on, I’ll understand. I’ll walk out this door and you won’t see me ever again. I’ll go willingly, knowing that I gave everything I had to get you back. So when you’ve finished reading, I need you to tell me whether to stay or go. I won’t be looking at you so it will be easier for you if you need me to leave.”
I let my eyes graze his handsome face for a few seconds. Once I’ve burned his image into my brain, I turn slowly and allow him to read.
10. He pushes me high like a collar roaster. – Rylie
9. He’s super tall. He can get candy off the candy shelf. – Nycole, Kyndall, Rylie
8. He has big muscles like Superman. He can protect us forever. – Kyndall
7. He makes Mom smile. – Nycole, Alex
6. He gives really good hugs. – Alex, Nycole, Kyndall, Rylie