She wiped his face and neck then made him drink some water. She wrapped the cloth around the cut and pinned it in place. Then she brought her car as close to the lawn as she could and chivvied Dave until he got to his feet. She made him walk to the car.
He was unsteady and she knew if he keeled over she had no chance of shifting him, but thankfully he got to the car and she steered him into the passenger seat.
At the hospital she could feel the fury and frustration scalding inside her as they waited for him to be seen and stitched up.
The staff were practical, distant, unsmiling as they asked their questions and cleaned and sewed the wound and gave him the tetanus jab and Gill knew there was a subtext: here was a man who couldn’t hold his drink, who was only in A &E because of his drinking, who had brought injury on himself. A pisshead. It was clear from the smell of him and the sight of him with his bleary, bloodshot eyes and from his behaviour, the clumsy gait, the long pause before he replied to any questions, marshalling the words in the right order, the vacant smile he switched on at seemingly random moments to show what a good guy he was. Like the police, a great many of the people they dealt with in A &E were off their heads.
Back home in the depth of the night, she showed him to the sofa. He’d stopped nodding off but was quiet, avoiding eye contact. She imagined the tide of shame was rising, washing over him in ever larger waves. She made him tea, brought him paracetamols.
He thanked her, his voice whispery.
‘You could have drowned in your own vomit,’ she said, ‘or bled to death, another inch and it would have been an artery. Look.’ She swiped at her phone, pulling up the picture. ‘Look. Proud of that?’
His mouth tightened and he looked away.
‘It stops now,’ she said. ‘You’re obviously incapable of dealing with it yourself so in the-’
‘I’ll ring round tomorrow,’ he said, ‘find a clinic.’
‘You do that.’
He gave a nod and she went upstairs.
She ached everywhere, the shock and upset had lodged in her spine and her limbs making it impossible to relax, to rest. She lay awake, her mind circling around Dave and the grief he’d brought to her door, around the case and the muddle of it all, and in the end she gave up on sleep. She showered and dressed and watched the sun rise over the hills and heard the birds greet the new day, hoping it would be a damn sight better than the one that had gone before.
Day 6: Tuesday 15 May
22
‘Did you sleep here?’ Janet found Gill already at her desk when she got into work early.
‘No, I didn’t,’ Gill said, her tone clipped, brusque. Janet looked at her; she had dark circles under her eyes. Janet knew Gill could manage on five hours a night but it didn’t look like she’d even had that.
‘Did you want something?’ Gill said without looking up.
Janet felt awkward. ‘No,’ she said. Pardon me for breathing. She retreated to the outer room, hung up her coat and logged on to the system but she found it hard to concentrate, wondering why Gill had been so short with her.
Gill could be sharp, critical, but only when someone had done something wrong or not done something important and needed a kick up the arse. She was fair, she didn’t lose her temper without good reason and she wasn’t ever manipulative or sulky. If something got up her nose she tackled it head on. Janet shuffled in her seat, tried to focus on the statements she was reviewing and shut out the voice in her head, quibbling about Gill cold-shouldering her.
Lee came in and waved hello, then Kevin.
Had she misheard? Had Gill just been so preoccupied with work that she’d made the remarks without being aware how curt she sounded? Or was it to do with Olivia’s death? Had something happened that Gill couldn’t tell her about?
This is bloody ridiculous. She got up and went to Gill’s door. Knocked and went in without waiting for permission. ‘What’s going on?’ she said.
‘What?’ Gill scowled, took her specs off.
‘Something’s up. I’d rather know what it was than sit out there trying to guess.’
Gill stared at her, looking annoyed, a glint in her gaze. Janet held her ground.
‘It’s nothing,’ Gill said, ‘just-’ Then her mouth twitched and Janet was stunned to see her eyes fill with tears.
‘Come on,’ Janet said. The ladies’ toilet was the place of sanctuary, somewhere away from prying eyes and the demands of phones and e-mails. Gill followed her there, perched against the sinks, arms folded.
Janet leaned on the wall. ‘I understand, if it’s about Olivia, if you can’t tell me-’
Gill shook her head, screwed up her mouth, and squeezed her eyes shut. Then she looked across at Janet. ‘It’s Dave,’ she said.
Janet felt a stab of relief. Not her then. Not Elise. ‘Now what’s he done?’
Gill tried to speak, faltered. ‘He… erm… stupid bugger’s on the piss, big time. All the time.’
‘Oh, no.’
‘Found him covered in his own sick last night, out in our summerhouse,’ Gill said.
‘Oh, Gill.’
‘Idiot.’
‘But he’s all right?’ Janet said.
‘After a fashion. He’d cut his arm breaking in,’ she shook her head, ‘ten stitches.’
‘Was Sammy-’
‘No, he was out.’
‘What are you doing here? You should be-’
‘Pot, kettle?’ Gill tipped her head on one side. ‘Where else would I be? Not sitting at his bedside wiping his sweaty brow. I hate him,’ she said, ‘I bloody hate him.’
‘I don’t blame you,’ Janet said.
The door swung open and Rachel came in, paused as she saw Janet and Gill. Janet made eyes at her, tipped her head. On your way. Rachel withdrew.
‘You mustn’t tell anyone. Not Rachel, no one. Promise?’ Gill said.
‘I won’t.’
‘Lee and Kevin have already seen him drunk as a skunk on the office floor.’
‘Here? When?’ Janet said.
‘Saturday.’
Janet remembered the smell in the office, how she’d thought someone was drinking on the job.
‘He thinks he’s invincible. Captain Thunderpants. Like there’s no problem, no consequences. I tried to tell him – the job, there’s a limit to what people will accept. I went to see him Sunday evening. Told him to sort himself out, to get into rehab, join AA, anything. I thought maybe I’d got through. Obviously not,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘Where is he now?’
‘At home. He’s finally agreed to a stint in rehab. Well – it was that or see a photo of him, pissed and covered in his own chunder posted online.’
Janet looked sceptical.
‘OK,’ Gill said, ‘no, I wouldn’t but I did take one and showed him so he couldn’t do that whole denial thing.’ She screwed her hands into fists, groaned. ‘I’m sorry, kid, you’ve enough shit to deal with-’
Janet cut her off. ‘Doesn’t work like that.’ All the times Gill had held her hand, passed the tissues, watched her back. After Joshua died was the first time but many others since then and she’d done the same for Gill, when Dave walked out forcing Gill to leave the job she loved best to be closer to home, when Sammy moved in with his dad, when Chris finished with Gill.
‘How is Elise?’ Gill said.
‘She’s devastated. And she’s fifteen so of course she can’t believe it ever gets any better, gets easier. She has to find out for herself, experience it. It hurts – watching.’
‘Families,’ Gill said.
‘What would we do without them?’ Janet said.
‘She’ll be all right, she’s a bright girl and she’s got you and Adrian.’
‘Ade blames me,’ Janet said.
‘What?’
‘We had a humdinger last night, except the girls were in bed so it was all whispered.’
‘Blames you how?’ Gill said.
‘Because I said we should let them go to the party, because I said we should trust them, because Elise told him that she didn’t want to buy anything illegal in case she did get caught and then I might lose my job.’