“I fucked up, okay?” he said. “I wanted him to go and beat on Ash to ensure he stays away from you, I thought if he thought another man was stepping up to you, he’d snap out of his bullshit and react like any of us would, but he didn’t, and I’m so sorry.”
I was furious with him, but a part of me also understood him. Dominic’s logic was different to mine. He and his brothers’ were raised differently in a diverse environment and things that seemed crazy to me were normal for them. I knew in Dominic’s head that what he did was the only way he knew of to gauge a reaction from Ryder.
He thought he was helping.
On a sigh, I unlocked the door, opened it wide, and stepped to the side so the twins could enter the house. Damien kissed my cheek as he passed me by and Dominic stood in front of me.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, his eyes trained on mine. “It was dumb of me to bait Ryder when I know how much stress he is under.”
I saw the truth in his grey orbs, and I had to fight with myself not to hug him because I didn’t want to break down and cry. I had done enough of that.
Instead, I gave him an affectionate smile and said, “I know, kid.”
He stared down at me, unmoving and unblinking.
“What?” I quizzed.
Dominic nervously shifted from foot to foot, and after exhaling a shaky breath he said, “Take back what you said… please.”
I hated that I said what I did because I saw fear in him. He believed I truly meant the vile words I spewed and unless I said otherwise, he would continue to think that way.
A lump formed in my throat as I said, “I take it back. I didn’t mean a word of it, I swear. I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’re me brother, and I love you dearly, just like I do Bronagh. Nothin’ will ever change that, okay?”
He exhaled a relieved breath. “Thank you.”
As he spoke, he hugged me tightly and kissed the crown of my head.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured. “We’ll fix everything.”
You can’t fix what’s already been smashed to pieces.
I hugged him back then closed the front door of the house when we separated. I watched as Dominic dropped his car keys on the table in the hall, then I followed both of the lads down to the kitchen and automatically filled the kettle with water and popped it on to make tea.
Tea was necessary.
“I know this is a stupid question,” Damien began, “but are you okay?”
“No,” I replied while I took out cups from the cupboard. “I’m not okay. I’m tired and I just want to go to bed and deal with all of this tomorrow.”
“That’s a good idea,” Dominic said rapidly. “Why don’t you go on up to bed and we can have tea later?”
I hesitated. “Bronagh told me you went to help Kane and Alec find Ryder. Why are you here and not out with them?”
“They know where he is,” Damien said. “They just have to wait for him to be done with something.”
I stared at Damien when he finished speaking. “You’re being vague, really? A few hours ago you were in me shoes, you didn’t know a fuckin’ thing, but now you do and you aren’t tellin’ me?”
He swallowed. “This is something that has to come from Ryder, Bran.”
I couldn’t look at him.
“You’re all keepin’ things from me, and it’s hurtin’ me so much.” I turned away as I spoke. “I’m goin’ to bed, Aideen will be here soon with Jax and Kane.”
“Branna—”
“Good night,” I cut Damien off and walked out of the kitchen, closing the door behind me.
I walked down the hallway, and just as I was about to turn for the stairs, I heard a jiggle of keys in the lock of the hall door. For some unknown reason, I ran through the open door and into the gym room where I hovered next to the doorway.
I knew it was Ryder, I could sense him, but he confirmed it when he spoke in hushed whispers.
“No, I can’t… because I just got fucking home and need to fix shit with my girl, you know that… for fuck’s sake, why? I’m done with this bullshit after tonight. Damn it, fine. I’ll be right fucking there.”
I heard a bit of movement then a soft click. I peeked out of the gym room and found the hallway empty and the front door shut. I heard the ignition of a car starting up a few moments later and my heart jumped to my throat.
Ryder was leaving again, and in a split second I made a decision with that knowledge.
He asked me to trust him, to give him forty-eight hours before he could tell me everything that he was hiding from me, but I couldn’t. In that moment, I simply couldn’t. I waited over a year to find out what he was up to, and I couldn’t wait another minute longer. Before I realised what I was doing, I grabbed Dominic’s car keys from the table in the hall, quietly exited my house, jumped in his car, and began to follow Ryder at a safe distance. I was doing what I should have done a long time ago, I was going to find out for myself what he was up to, and I only prayed it wasn’t as bad as what I imagined it to be.
Please, God, I silently begged. Don’t let this break me.
Three years ago…
“I’m going to grow old with you.”
My lips twitched, but I kept my eyes shut.
“You do realise it’s incredibly weird when you stare at me while I’m sleepin’, and say things like that to me unconscious form, right?”
I felt the heat of Ryder’s palm press against my bare stomach as he moved closer to me.
“You say weird,” he murmured, and I could hear the smile in his tone, “others would say romantic.”
I giggled. “Sorry, it was weirdly romantic. How’s that?”
“It’s an improvement.”
I blinked my eyes open, squinting until they adjusted to the light of our bedroom. I lifted my arms above my head and stretched. When I made sounds that resembled a baby dinosaur, Ryder laughed and poked at my sides causing me to squirm.
“You always sound like you really enjoy your morning stretch.”
“I do,” I nodded. “It wakes me up and feels good.”
I looked at Ryder when he turned on his side and leaned his head down to mine, brushing his lips against my cheek. He parted his lips and gently flicked his tongue over my skin, causing goosebumps to break out over my flesh.
“Do you know what else feels good in the morning?” he murmured, trailing gentle kisses down my neck then to my sweet spot below my earlobe.
I licked my lips. “A foot massage?”
“How about a clit massage?” Ryder asked, his hot breath fanning my face before he brought his talented lips back to mine.
I burst into a fit of giggles when he pulled his mouth away and rubbed his nose against mine.
“We can’t,” I stressed, trying to sound firm. “I heard you shuttin’ me alarm off. I have to get showered and dressed for work.”
“I’ll get you to work on time,” he said softly. “I promise.”
Well, maybe, if we were quick and—no! Don’t be weak, Branna. You can’t be late for work.
I groaned. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. You rocked me world twice yesterday, can you not wait until I’m home lat—”
“No,” Ryder cut me off. “I need to be inside of you. Now.”
I knew talking to him was going to get me nowhere, so I needed to physically move away from him. I pushed the bed sheets from my body and shivered when a cool draft spread out over my naked body. I made an attempt to sit up, but as soon as my body was exposed, Ryder pounced on me like a teenager with a raging hard on; only he was a grown man with a raging hard on.