“Well, you don’t live with him. You don’t know what he’s like. You’re not the one he’s busting in the chops every other day. Lookit this, I still got a bruise from where he threw a friggin’ coffeepot at me.”
“So why not leave?”
“And go where? How far do you think I’d get?”
“As far as you like. If it’s a matter of money, I can help you out.”
“It’s not money, Chet. Is that all you think about?”
“What then?”
“Shit. How can I make myself clear? It’s just this feeling I get… like I’m in this alone. Who cares about me, right? In this town, I’m dirt, lower than the low.”
“I care.”
“Uh-hun.”
“I’m serious. I care deeply about you.”
“I know what you care about. Getting laid.”
“Now wait a minute-”
“I’m just kidding you, okay? I’m trying to lighten up. What good’s it ever done me to feel sorry for myself?”
“Violet, I’m on your side. That’s the point I’m trying to make. I’ve been thinking about it and it’s not a good idea for you to stay under his roof. So what occurred to me was finding you another place to live-”
“Yeah… well, not to worry. I’ll figure it out.”
“But why won’t you let me help when I’m seriously concerned?”
“Come on, Chet. ‘Seriously concerned?’ You think I don’t see what’s going on? This isn’t about me. This is about you and what you want. These past two days, you haven’t asked me one thing about myself except do I use birth control. Now how’s that for concern? Like you’re such a stallion I might get knocked up and ruin the rest of your life.”
He could feel his face go blank.
She caught his look and relented. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. Why don’t we just chalk it up to that time of the month.”
“Is that it? Why didn’t you say so? Come here-”
“Would you quit with the phony tone of voice. That’s not going to solve my problem. Don’t you get that?” She got up and paced once across the room before she sat down again. She leaned forward, with her elbows on her knees, and put her face in her hands. She made a low exasperated moan. “You’re not hearing me, but it’s my fault. I’ll take all the blame. I should have made myself clear. What’s going to keep me safe, Chet, is to stay the hell away from you. You’re a nice guy and a good egg, but when it comes to screwing around, you’re an amateur. If I’m in jeopardy-which I am-it’s because of you.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to say. I can get you out of here.”
“No, you can’t. Look at you, goofy about me and all goofy for love. You think I’m the answer to your prayers, but I’m the quickest road to hell. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m telling you the truth. You can’t live this way, with all the sneaking around. It’s not in your nature. Basically you’re a decent man, which means you’ll miscalculate. You’ll make some stupid mistake and there goes my ass. I’m better off calling a halt to it right here.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“You see? That’s what I’m talking about. You’re not listening to me. You’re not only putting me in the path of a train, you’re tying me to the tracks. If you care-if you love me so much-why don’t you give me a fighting chance and keep the hell away. I can manage Foley, but not with you bumbling around. Because here’s how it’s going to go. One night you’ll walk into the Moon with a bullshit grin on your face. Foley will take one look at you and he’ll know everything. Then guess who’s dead meat? First me, then you, then him.”
“That won’t happen. He’s never going to know. Violet, I talked to him this morning. He sat at my desk not even this far away. I swear he doesn’t have a clue.”
“You wanna know why that is? Because it was about money and him trying to get something out of you. Also, because right now, we’ve been together three days and you haven’t had a chance to screw it up yet, but you will.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Let’s just think. No need to do anything rash. Look, how about this? I can rent you an apartment in Santa Teresa… under a fake name. You don’t like that idea, we’ll take off together and settle someplace else. I’d do that for you, I swear.”
She smiled and shook her head. “That’s your solution? You got a great imagination. I gotta hand it to you.” She found her brassiere and hooked herself into it. She bent over and maneuvered her breasts, arranging each in its cup. She retrieved her underpants and stepped into them. She settled her dress over her head and zipped herself up. This was a strip show in reverse. She came back as far as the bed table where she took a cigarette from his pack and tamped it on her thumbnail. “Look at this joint. They don’t even provide a friggin’ pack of matches. Can you give me a light?”
Numb, he flicked his lighter and watched her lean toward the flame, holding her hair out of the way. She took a drag, inhaled, and blew a stream of smoke at the ceiling. “Thanks.” She took the ashtray and her purse and went into the bathroom. Through the open doorway, he could see her putting on her face.
He followed as far as the door and caught her reflection in the mirror. “You’re telling me it’s over.”
“ That’s right. No offense, but let’s bail while we can.”
He was silent for almost a full minute, while he thought about the last three days. “You did it for the car, didn’t you?”
Her mouth came open and she turned. “You said, what?”
“This was all so you could get the car and now that you have it, you’re finished with me.”
“Are you saying that I fucked you to get a car?! Thanks so much. What kind of whore does that make me? You’re the one telling me not to talk shit about myself, and listen to the shit that comes out of your mouth.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry-”
“If you’re so sorry then why don’t you quit pushing me around?” Abruptly she went back to her lipstick, following the outline of her mouth. “You want to be a bully, take a number and get in line. When it comes to abuse, Foley’s got it all over you.”
“Are you crazy? You’re crazy. Don’t stand there bragging about how bad the guy treats you. I came here prepared to offer you a life.”
“Listen, Buster, I have a life. Might not look like much to you, but I’m doing the best I can so don’t you condescend to me.”
“Violet… don’t.” He tried to speak, but his throat closed and his voice cracked.
“Jesus, Chet. Be a big boy about this. It’s been great, but let’s face facts. It’s sex. Right now, it might be firecracker hot, but how long does that last? In two months it’s gone, so don’t make more of it than it is. You’re not going to run off with me. You’re full of shit.”
Chet took the last drag of his cigarette and flipped it out the window. He took one more pull from his flask and put that away. The tractor and flatbed, deck empty now, passed him again, heading back toward the 166. On the Tanner property, the bright yellow bulldozer sat with two others, looking as big as a tank. He hadn’t been on a bulldozer since he was eighteen years old, that ball-busting summer before his father had been killed. He’d worked construction, thinking he could set aside some cash for his freshman year of college. Nowadays the union trained guys to operate heavy equipment, but in those days, you got on a dozer, fired it up, and hoped you wouldn’t drive yourself into a ditch.
He turned the key in the ignition and released the T of the emergency brake. He made a U-turn across the two lanes of deserted road. What he’d been through with Violet was the equivalent of a three-year affair compressed into three days. Beginning, middle, and end. Over and out. He couldn’t help thinking she’d made a bigger fool of him than he knew. He’d been set up, duped. She wanted the car. It was obvious now, but she’d played him well and he half-admired her finesse. She’d crooked her little finger and he’d scampered after her, as frisky as a pup. He didn’t feel it yet, the shame, but he would very soon, once the liquor wore off. He knew his humiliation was commiserate with his joy, but the joy had been fleeting while the rage would burn at his core like the fire in the bowels of a coal mine, year after year. What wounded him was knowing she felt none of his pain. Now every time he saw the car, every time Foley made a payment, he’d cringe, feeling powerless and small. He’d go home to Livia and that would be that. His life had been barely tolerable before, but what would it be like now that he knew the difference?