Jesus, is it hot in here? I’m freaking sweating my ass off.
“So that’s what you want to do then, talk?” Levi asks, his voice sharp.
Clearly, he’s taken offense to my tone or comment or something, but I can’t allow myself to care. This is a business arrangement. Getting involved with him again on a personal level is out of the question, even though my body seems to have different ideas. “Yes, I do. I assume you have questions?”
His blue eyes are steel on mine—cold, hard, and assessing. If at all possible, he’s grown even more confident since I last saw him. It’s sexy as hell. “We’ll start off with what your plans are for after the baby is born. What last name will it have?”
I look away and my gaze immediately falls on a couple with a young child across from us. They’re struggling together to keep the food on the table instead of the floor where their little girl wants it. I can tell from here that they’re frustrated, but they’re also smiling a little. They’re enjoying their life, sharing something that Levi and I never will. I know he won’t understand why I’ve made the choices that I have, but he has the right to know.
“I’m not sure,” I tell him, my voice small. “I guess it depends on the family.”
“The family,” Levi says slowly, rolling the words around a bit while he attempts to decipher them. I wait him out only because I’m too chicken shit to say the words myself. I chose this route, and yet I struggle with it every day. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is what is best. What kind of life can I give a child when I barely have my own in order?
“You’re giving it up?” Levi’s brows furrow in disbelief. When I finally muster up enough courage to look him in the eye, I’m able to see the full extent of his anger, hurt, and sense of betrayal.
“I can’t keep it. I’m starting a business, I work long hours, I’m weighed down by student loans, I’m living in an efficiency apartment, and I’m barely making ends meet,” I explain to him. “As a mother, I don’t have anything to offer. He’ll be better off with someone who can give him everything he needs.”
“It’s a boy?” he asks, his voice dangerously low. Fishing out his wallet, he withdraws his credit card and places it on the outside edge of the table. The waiter comes by almost immediately and carries it off.
“Yes,” I say, my mouth turning down.
His head bobs a couple of times, and he still continues refusing to look at me. “I hope you realize that I can’t let you go through with it.”
I figured he’d push back. Levi Black is a strong-willed man who knows what he wants. Or at least, he thinks he does.
“What are you going to do with a kid?” I ask him. “Just a few months ago, you were off screwing anything that walked around on two legs. Now you want to raise a child? It’s not a puppy, Levi. Just what, exactly, do you think you can offer him?”
“I have plenty of money. I can provide anything he needs.”
There’s the crux of it. Levi, above everyone else, should know just how little money means when it comes to having the love and respect of the people you care about. “A child can’t live off money alone, Levi,” I say, already feeling tired with this conversation.
“It needs love and attention. It needs your time, and how will you do that for him when you’re jet-setting across the world or boating in the Riviera with a bunch of blonde bimbos with huge tits?”
He clenches his jaw at the deliberate dig. That’s right, I watch E! and while I know recent celebrity gossip is a total fabrication created by past events, that doesn’t mean I’m above using it to make my point.
“That’s what these parents will do for him,” I continue on. “They’ll be able to give him everything we can’t.”
A dark look passes over Levi’s face and, recognizing the dangerous air surrounding him, I settle a little deeper into my chair. Out of nowhere, he slams his fist down on the table, rattling the stemware and startling me and a few nearby diners. “Who says that we can’t? I know I sure as hell can, and I will.”
“I’ve already filed the paperwork, Levi,” I explain as calmly as possible. “A family has already been picked out. They have their hearts set on it.”
His eyes grow darker as he leans across the table, his voice low and threatening. “Then they can unset it, because that’s my baby, and he’s going to have my name. I’m not giving it up to anyone. First thing tomorrow morning, you’re going to call whoever it is that you have to call, and you’re going to tell them that the deal is off, do you hear me?”
I swallow, unsure of what to do or say. Levi looks like he’s prepared to throw the damn table across the room if I say the wrong thing. I feel stuck. I’ve already made a deal. I’ve signed the papers. The adopting parents are preparing for my child to become theirs and my heart breaks just thinking about how devastated they’ll be if I back out, but at the same time my heart is screaming to follow Levi. He’s telling me to do exactly what I’ve wanted to do since before the ink had a chance to dry on the contract. I don’t want to give up my child. I want to hold my son in my arms and watch him grow up. I want to experience it all, but how do I do that? How do I hurt two people to save us?
“Levi, I—”
His hand shoots up, effectively cutting me off. “If you say anything other than ‘Yes, Levi,’ I will fucking flip my shit, do you understand me? I didn’t sleep at all last night, I’m on edge, and after this load of bullshit you just dumped in my lap, I’m this close to going nuclear.” He holds up his fingers, an inch apart, to demonstrate his point. “Fucking fix it.”
Right now, I can clearly see his father in him. David Black, the ruthless man who’s used to getting what he wants, any way he can get it, is staring back at me...and it’s terrifying. I shouldn’t be happy about this. Not at all. But he’s forcing my hand, a hand that I know needs to be forced, because I never wanted any of this. Being separated from my baby seemed like a necessity before, but now, it’s fast becoming an impossibility. I can’t breathe for how badly I want to be a mother to this child. So, I close my eyes and let the words we both want to hear tumble from my mouth.
“I’ll call the director in the morning,” I murmur, hoping it will diffuse the situation while silently bouncing in my seat. Am I really going to do this? Am I going to keep my child?
Rising from his chair, his jaw set and his eyes laser focused, Levi motions for me to follow with a glare that dares me to question him.
I don’t.
Leaving my seat, I turn and walk silently toward the door, giddy anticipation rushing through me when I feel Levi’s warm, strong hand press against my back to guide me.
When we step onto the sidewalk, I pause to see what the next step is. Levi hands the valet a ticket, and the young man’s eyes light up when he takes it. I almost laugh, because I know why he’s so excited.
A few moments later, I hear the deep growl of an engine coming down the street and turn my head in its direction. Sure enough, the valet is riding Levi’s motorcycle. When he rolls it to a stop at the curb and climbs off, he’s wearing a shit-eating grin.
“Enjoy the ride?” Levi asks him as he hands him a hefty tip, accepts the keys, then steps up to the bike, straddling it. It’s such an odd sight, him in a tailored pair of slacks, sitting on this slick piece of rugged machinery.
“I love your bike, man. How much did that monster set you back?”
Levi grins as he hands me my helmet. I try to keep my heart from falling too hard when he doesn’t stop to help me fasten it. I know he loves his bike, but I have to assume that he chose it over the comfort of a car so he wouldn’t have to risk talking to me in close quarters. Right now, I’m thankful for his foresight.