“I debated. Not really my scene.” We both turn to stare at the back door. The music is loud, but the din of the crowd inside is even louder. It’s a party scene, but I get what she’s talking about. She prefers to stay away from the football players and the baggage they bring. For the hundredth time since last weekend, I curse myself for not being more sensitive about her past.
Picking up her hand, I turn it over and trace one of the creases from one side of the palm to the other. She trembles at the simple touch.
“I’m sorry about last week. I put some pressure on you that you didn’t deserve,” I say slowly. “I guess when I said that you weren’t ready I really meant that I wasn’t.”
She curls her fingers up around my finger and tugs. “I know you’re not the guy I dated in high school. I wanted to believe I didn’t have any baggage from dating, but I guess I do.” She gives a rueful laugh.
“You’re not. We all have stuff going on in our heads. Abstaining hasn’t been easy for me. When I first got here, I didn’t announce my status, but to some of the guys my going home every night alone, not taking the offers handed to me, marked me as strange. Some thought I was in the closet. Others didn’t know what to make of me. They got it out of me after homecoming. The booze flowed pretty heavily. It started a joke. Then it became a contest. Who would get Masters to break? I wasn’t kidding before about the number of girls available at any time—from the recruiting trip forward.”
She grimaces and I skip the details of how they tried to break me. Of how they’d parade girls through the Playground as though shooting RedTube videos. They’d have girls perform in front of me. For guys who share a locker room, having sex in front of each other is nothing. There’d be full-on orgies. Contests on who could hold out on a blow job the longest. They’d run train on a girl—willing—but sex was a contest.
“Is that why you waited? Because women were—or are—a distraction?”
“At first, yes. All the time. You know we’re walking hormones from about age ten and forward.” She covers her face to hide a smile. “And college is worse because there are no parents. Everyone has access to a bed. There’s no rules. The diner is open 24/7.”
She muses, “But the food didn’t appeal to you.”
“It did…until it didn’t. It seemed soulless.” I hesitate and rub her hand a little harder than necessary. Strap on your balls, man, I chide myself. If Ellie can share something painful from her past, she deserves some honesty from me. “My brother and I are identical twins. You seem to be able to tell us apart, but on the cover of SI, not even my mom knew until we confessed. People in high school always got us mixed up.”
“People like girl people?” Her gaze is knowing.
I nod. “Girl people. You don’t really want to be with someone who’s ready and willing to sleep with your brother. Who sees the two of you as interchangeable. One of Ty’s girlfriends told me that we looked the same and she wanted to know if we felt the same.”
I let out a sigh. “Worse thing is that it wasn’t the first time it’d happened in our family either. My cousins are twins. Let’s just say that the divorce lasted longer than the marriage.”
She winces. “That’s pretty awful.”
“Right.” I press her hand to my lips. “So, I get how what happened to us in the past affects how we act now. What decisions we make and shit like that. I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I’m really, really sorry.” She looks dejected.
“Look.” I shift on the balls of my feet. “I don’t care what you call me, Ellie. I want you. I’ve wanted you from the minute I saw you at Union Stadium and I haven’t stopped wanting you. I don’t think you’re a distraction or a soulless fuck. We’re meant to be.”
She gives me a tight and uncomfortable smile. Oh, fuck. This isn’t going to end the way that I hoped. A slight ache develops in my chest. The kind of feeling that creeps up after a bad loss.
“What is it?”
She leans forward with a grimace. “It’s that time of the month.”
I give her a blank look. What time of the month? It’s September. Two weeks into the season. We’re two-and-oh and—the lightbulb turns on. “I am not a smart man.”
She shakes her head. “Timing sucks.”
I stand up and pull her with me. Leaning down, I hide a relieved smile in her hair. “It’s okay. I’m a pro at waiting.”
23 Ellie
It’s his patient expression that gets to me. He shouldn’t have to wait. Not for another single minute. I might be unable to have sex with him, but there are plenty of things I can do to him and for him that he’s never experienced before.
The twinge below my skirt isn't from arousal, sadly, even though my heart’s beating faster and I’m hot despite the coolness of the night air. It’s really starting to feel like fall. The leaves are golden and red, the air is crisp, and football is on television what seems like Wednesday through Monday. I donned a pair of tights, a short skirt, sexy top, and then detoured to the bathroom to find that my period had started. Which meant tomorrow I'd be down. But I had tonight. And I want to give something back to Knox. An apology? A promise? A preview of what’s in store for us? I’m not sure, but I’m not letting Knox go tonight without blowing his mind. Literally.
I grin at him. “Come with me.”
“I don’t know if I should be afraid or turned on by that smile,” he murmurs, but follows behind me readily.
Inside the dark hallway, I start trying the doors I spotted on my way out. The third one gives way and I pull Knox in quickly before anyone stops us.
“I thought you said that it was your time.”
There’s almost no light in here. I reach into my pocket and pull my phone out. Flicking on the flashlight app, I wave it around the room. “It is that time, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a little fun.”
The room isn’t very large, and there are storage shelves all around which look rickety and uncomfortable. We’ll have to use the door. I set my phone to the side and push Knox up against the door.
“If you wanted to make out, I think we could have done that on the rocks outside. I’m not real shy,” Knox says.
I ignore him and slide down to my knees. Bracing my hands on his thigh, I look up. “I hear this is your first time. Tell me if you don't like something.”
He chokes on a laugh when I throw his own words back at him. He’s already thick and hard under his jeans. I rub a palm up the length of his shaft. He shudders and leans against the door.
“In all your spank bank material, did you imagine having sex at a club?” I ask, still rubbing and still staring at him. I wish I could see him better.
He nods slowly, a wary look in his eye. “I might have.”
“And what were you doing?” I undo his belt buckle. He sucks in a deep breath and then pushes his torso away from the door so he can pull off his blue Warriors T-shirt. He does it with the one hand. I’ve never figured out quite how guys do that maneuver, but it’ll always look sexy to me, especially when Knox does it. I scrape my fingertips over his ridged abs, reveling in how his body shakes under my hand.
“Usually they faced away from me and I nailed them from behind.” He gathers my hair into a ponytail and holds it aloft so he can see better.
“Them?” I ask with a raised eyebrow
“Well, it is a fantasy.” He grins. The grin fades away as I lower his zipper. His eyes shutter shut and he starts muttering to himself.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m reciting all Reggie White’s stats so I can pretend that I’m not on the verge of coming before you even pull my dick out of my pants.”
The hand in my hair tightens. His other hand lands on the nape of my neck. I can feel his fingers flex against my skin as if he’s got a thin leash on his excitement.