“He'll talk you out of it,” Jack warns.
I wish.
When I get back to my apartment after classes, I check the time. Knox will be going to film class. I rub a hand over my eyes, wanting this to all go away.
He picks up on the first ring.
“Hey, baby, what's up? You excited for the softball game tonight? Undefeated Horny Toads!” He lets out a low whistle. Oh shit. I forgot. We’re playing last year’s intramural softball champs—the Gilded Lilies—the team with Champs in gold foil on their pullovers and matching hats. He continues, “I also picked up our costumes for the Halloween party. I’m warning you right now. I look damn good in pink. You won’t keep your hands off me.”
Knox and I planned to go to a Sigma Chi Halloween party as Power Rangers. Red for me; pink for him. He thought it ironic.
“We're breaking up,” I blurt out.
“No, I can hear you fine.”
“Not the phone line. Us. We can't see each other anymore.”
“What are you taking about?”
“I don't want to see you again. I’m sorry to say this, but when I learned you were a virgin, I wanted to be your first. Make my mark on you. I figured after I had you, I’d have my pick of any guy at Western.”
He laughs at first, but then sputters when I don’t join in.
“Are you fucking serious?” There’s finally a hint of anger in his voice.
“Yes.” I’m so glad we are not face to face.
“Did you hit your head or something? I'm coming over. You sound like you suffered a concussion.”
“No, don't come over. I-I—” I look around wildly for an excuse and seize on a random one. “I'm seeing someone else and he's here.”
“Since when?” he demands.
“He's on my softball team. The shortstop. Ryan Schneider.” Oh, Ryan, I am so sorry I’m throwing you under the bus.
Silence hangs between us.
“Put him on,” Knox growls.
“No.”
“Let me talk to him.”
“No. I'm sorry. We're done.” In a rush I hang up, afraid of what Knox will say or do. He calls back immediately and I put my phone on do not disturb. Then I block him because Jack is right. I’m weak when it comes to Knox. Very weak.
••• Wednesday
My good intentions evaporate when he shows up at the softball game. He looks gorgeous. Big, brawny and all mine. Except he’s not anymore, and if Coach Lowe gets word that he’s here with me, we’re both in trouble. Knox doesn’t even pretend he’s here to do anything but hassle me. He leans against the edge of the wall that serves as the home run marker.
“You have to leave,” I hiss without turning around. “We’ve broken up. You can’t be here.”
“Why, because your new boyfriend will see us together?” he asks, a hint of mockery in his voice.
“Who?”
“Schneider,” he reminds me impatiently. “The guy who’s taken my place between this morning when I ate you out and sometime after your last class of the day.”
I flush a dull red—both at his crude words and my obviously bad lie. I need to think of better excuses.
“Hey, Schneider,” he calls out.
The rangy shortstop raises his head and looks around. Knox whistles and Schneider trots over, completely abandoning his position. The power of Knox Masters.
“Hey, Masters,” Schneider greets him like a long lost brother. They do a complicated thing with their hands and a half hug. “What’s up? Seven-and-oh with only five games left. That’s pretty damn exciting.”
“We’ve got nothing on the Horny Toads.” Masters nods toward the field. “Although Ellie says that the Gilded Lilies are tough competitors.”
“Those girls know how to use the bat,” Schneider replies.
Then why aren’t you minding the field? I cry in my head. Outwardly, I try to signal Schneider in on the fact that I’ve used him as a beard. My wriggling eyebrows and furtive hand gestures are greeted with a puzzled look.
“Ellie tells me that you two are seeing each other now,” Masters says casually. He turns and spits about an inch from Schneider’s toes.
“What?” Schneider yelps. He jumps away from me. “Gosh, Ellie. I think you’re a good left fielder, but I thought you knew I played for the other team. Oh, look, the Lilies are up to bat.” He quickly scampers off.
“Schneider’s gay?” I gape.
Knox looks at me with a pointed stare. “Your gaydar needs work. Also your lying.”
My gaze drops to my sneakers. “We shouldn’t see each other anymore.”
His large hand cups the back of my neck. I don’t look up even at that, afraid of what I’ll see there. Of what I’ll do. “Are you worried about Ty coming? I told you he’ll love you.”
Oh, Knox.
“We still on for tomorrow?” The uncertainty in his voice kills me.
I nod because I know what I have to do.
He retreats to the stands and watches my Horny Toads get shellacked by the Gilded Lilies. They do know how to use their bats and their gloves.
“What was that all about?” Schneider mutters in the dugout as we’re gathering up our equipment.
“I want to break up with Knox and I used you as an excuse. Sorry.” I make an apologetic face.
“Use someone else next time,” Schneider hisses. He pats his really nicely gelled blond hair. “I’m breakable.”
How did I miss Schneider was gay? I guess because I only have eyes for Knox. No one really exists for me but him.
Knox waits for me, but I see with a sigh of relief that Jack is there too. “Sorry, I can’t go out tonight. Lots of homework. My rough draft for the grant is due.”
I hurry in the opposite direction while Jack distracts Knox.
There’s one thing that will make Knox believe we are over. It’s the place I didn’t want to go, but I have to.
••• Friday
“Hi, Matty.” I drop my two grocery bags on the kitchen counters.
Matty waves his hand from the sofa. I think there’s a permanent indentation from his butt on the cushion. His dark hair gleams wet from his shower.
“Do you have your sexy costume picked out?”
“Knox picked them up yesterday.” I need Matty to get out of here.
“How come this dinner is a secret?”
Jack had Knox issue a team wide omerta—no one speaks of the fact that I came here tonight—or I wouldn’t come.
“Coach Lowe doesn’t want any distractions.” I answer. It’s true enough.
“Huh. He never said anything to us.”
“He told Jack. I don’t want to cause any trouble.” Also true.
I don’t want to be here cooking dinner for Knox and Ty. I’m not in the partying mood, but I have to see this dinner through. I have to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened, which means I’m excited to see Ty, excited for the stupid Halloween party, excited to cook this meal.
And I have to banter with Matty even though my mouth is coated with acid and self-loathing. “I think the question is: do you have your sexy costume picked out?”
“I can’t go as sexy, Ellie. If I did, none of the other guys would get laid. All the honeys would be flocked around me and that’s damn unfair.”
I laugh, but he’s probably not far off the mark. Matty has zero problems with the ladies.
“Where is everyone?”
“Everyone or Masters?”
“Everyone. Knox will show up. After all, this is his place.”
Matty and I share a smile because we all know that Matty treats it like his place. Jack was probably right making me come here and go through all these planned events as if nothing has changed. It’s impossible not to be around the team and not laugh. They are a great group of guys.
“Knox had to do a couple of interviews. He’s famous now.” Matty wiggles his eyebrows. “Besides, I heard you were cooking dinner.”