“Well, it’s a strange book,” said Rad. “Like, the goal is to get to Ultima—it’s meant to be some kind of paradise, a nirvana or whatever. When I read it as a kid, I couldn’t get to Ultima no matter what choices I made throughout the book. But it was right there, in front of me.” He took the book from me and flipped through until he found the page he was looking for. “That’s Ultima.” There was an illustration of a futuristic cityscape surrounded by mountain greenery and piercing rays of sunlight.
“Why couldn’t you get there?” I asked.
“That’s what I was trying to work out as a kid. I got so obsessed that my mother had to take the book away from me at one point. Years later, I came across a thread about it on a forum. As it turns out, I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t get to Ultima. I followed a link someone posted to a wiki and learned there is actually no legitimate way to get to there. The author was a sadist.”
“What a cruel thing to do to children.”
“Tell me about it.” Rad closed the book and passed it to me. “You can give it a try if you want.”
“No, thanks, I’m not really into sadomasochism.”
“You’re not? Well, that’s definitely a deal-breaker for me.”
I laughed, tracing the spine of his books with my fingers. They felt vibrant and alive, like they carried parts of his DNA. My hand hit something cold on the middle shelf, and I craned my neck to get a closer look. A thin metal box was wedged between a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five and The Dogs of Winter. Curious, I took it out. “Office-Home, Deed Box” was printed in the top left corner in faded, dull gold. In the center was a silver lock. “What’s this?” I asked.
“It’s nothing important,” said Rad, taking it from my hands. “Just my old Garbage Pail Kids collection. I lost the key years ago.” He put the box down on the shelf and ran a hand through my hair. “I can’t believe you’re actually standing here, in my apartment. You have no idea how many times when we were out somewhere and you’d be laughing or biting your lip and I’d wish I could take you home.” He kissed me, softly at first, then his kisses grew more urgent. His hand traveled up along my thigh, past the hem of my skirt, brushing the elastic of my underwear and sending a shot of adrenaline through my body.
His eyes met mine and I silently willed him to go further. But he stopped and gently drew his hand away. “We’re meant to be taking it slow . . . remember?”
“It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be,” I sighed.
“You’re telling me,” he laughed.
We broke away from each other reluctantly.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go out.”
We met Lucy and Freddy at Luna Park in Lavender Bay. It was a beautiful, clear night. Summer was edging its way closer, and I felt a sense of magic permeate the warm cotton candy air. Rad and I walked hand in hand, absorbing the carnival atmosphere and the pretty lights that dotted the promenade.
“We were here for your tenth birthday party, Audrey. Remember?” asked Lucy.
“Yeah. Candela was throwing popcorn from the Ferris wheel.”
“Didn’t she get into trouble?” Rad asked.
“We all did, which was totally unfair. We were the ones trying to stop her!” said Lucy.
“She got us kicked out,” I added.
“Your mum was furious,” said Lucy. “She took us straight home after that.”
“I was livid,” I laughed. “I kicked her in the shins for ruining my birthday.”
“When was the last time the three of you got together?” asked Freddy.
“I don’t even remember,” I said, sadly.
“She doesn’t answer her phone anymore,” Lucy said.
Shrieks of terror came from the roller coaster that wound its way above us. A small boy swung a giant hammer at the high striker, giggling with delight when the lights shot halfway up the tower.
“Hey, let’s go on the ghost train,” said Lucy, and the four of us went to join the line.
“Spoooooky!” said Freddy as we stepped into our carriages. The train jolted into life and began to move through a dark tunnel, decorated with hanging spiderwebs and silhouettes of ominous figures. I wasn’t a stranger to ghost trains, but for some reason, this one made me feel edgy. I felt for my rubber band in the dark but realized with a jolt of panic that I’d left it at home. I moved in closer to Rad, and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. He almost had a sixth sense when it came to how I was feeling.
“You okay?” he whispered in my ear.
“Fine,” I smiled brightly at him as a waxen Bride of Frankenstein suddenly dropped from the cavernous ceiling to confront us. There were several loud cries and shrieks, then I felt a tap on my shoulder and my head swung around sharply. My heart leaped into my throat. It was Ana. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out.
“Audrey! Audrey!” Rad shook my shoulders gently as I sat frozen with fear. One of the operators came over looking concerned.
“I saw a girl in there,” I told him, dazed.
“Wearing a white dress?” asked the operator.
I nodded.
“She must be one of our plants,” he explained. “We have a few in there.”
“Plants?” I was confused.
“Actors. Sorry if she gave you a fright.”
“I had some dude with a gorilla head tap me on the shoulder,” said Freddy. “Scared the living daylights out of me.”
My heart rate began to steady. “Jesus, I had no idea they did that.”
“Adds to the drama,” said Freddy, raising his hands in the air like claws and rippling his fingers.
“Audrey!” Lucy’s face was etched with worry. “You’re as white as a sheet.”
“You sure you’re okay?” asked Rad as he led me off the platform.
“Yeah, I just thought I saw a ghost.”
Twenty-one
Before long, city streets and department stores were glittering with Christmas displays. Rad and I were coming out of a movie theater one afternoon when I got a call from Lucy. There was an urgency in her voice. “Audrey, it’s Candela.”
We met Lucy at the Royal North Shore Hospital about twenty minutes later. “How is she?” I asked.
“Not great.” Lucy led us through the corridors. She stopped outside a ward, and we could see Candela through the doorway, lying eyes shut in a hospital bed. Her mother and sister, Eve, were sitting on either side of her. They both turned to us when we walked into the room.
“Audrey,” said Candela’s mother. Then she looked over at Rad and shot me a strange look. “Rad? Aren’t you the boy who was with Ana?”
An icy cold feeling enveloped my body.
“Yeah.” Rad looked a little uncomfortable. Eve’s eyes widened as though her mind had just joined the dots. At sixteen, she was the spitting image of Candela on the night I told that terrible lie.
“Any change?” asked Lucy.
Candela’s mother shook her head. “No, but we’re all praying.”
Candela was admitted to the hospital earlier that day. The details were sketchy, but Eve told us the ambulance was called to her house in Alexandria in the early morning. Though her housemates were tight-lipped, blood tests had revealed a deadly cocktail of drugs coursing through her body. Shortly after her arrival at the hospital, she slipped into a coma and had been in that state ever since. Eve relayed this to the three of us as we stood in the hallway, drinking coffee from Styrofoam cups. “When will she wake up?” I asked.