“I have,” I admitted. “Gabe’s been wonderful.” I thought about my dilemma and was hit with a sudden avalanche of emotion. It must have shown on my face because the two men exchanged a worried glance.
“Trouble in paradise?” asked Graham cautiously.
I sighed. “Well, there’s something I’m wrestling with at the moment.”
I brought them up to speed with my predicament: the road trip I had planned with Gabe and Candela’s wedding.
“I see,” said Dale with a frown. “What do you think you’ll do?”
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t.”
“Why can’t you do the road trip with Gabe after the wedding?”
“I suppose I can,” I said, chewing on my bottom lip.
Dale gave me a questioning look. “Audrey, I hope I’m not out of line here,” he glanced at Graham, “but we get the feeling that you were running away from something back home, and that’s the reason why you came out here.” He held up both hands. “Just an outsider’s perspective.”
I smiled at him. “You’re not an outsider.”
Graham put his arm around my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“And you’re right. I was running away, and I’ve been dreading the idea of going back home. But I think I’ve gotten past that. I think I’m ready to face my demons head-on.”
“I thought there was something different about you,” said Graham.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s like you were this—no offense—wisp of a girl when we left. Like you were a two-dimensional cardboard cutout. But you’ve blossomed into this beautiful young lady. It’s quite a transformation.”
“In other words, you look like you’ve really gotten your shit together,” said Dale.
I laughed. “It’s the mountain air.”
“You’re a regular Heidi,” said Graham with a wink.
I grinned and sipped my tea.
“Or maybe it’s because of Gabe?” Dale raised his eyebrows. “Nothing makes your cheeks glow like young love.”
“I wouldn’t say ‘love,’” I said quickly, feeling a jolt of panic at the word. “I mean, I adore Gabe and all . . .” It was true. I thought the world of Gabe. Finding him was an incredible stroke of luck, but it still didn’t come close to what I felt for Rad, not by a long shot. At that moment, I realized I still felt it. I didn’t know where Rad was or what he was doing. I didn’t know whether he had moved on or not, but all of a sudden, I knew it was something I had to find out.
“There’s someone back home, isn’t there?” said Dale, reading my mind.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Honey, if you haven’t fallen head over heels in love with Gabe by now, it’s pretty clear you’re still hung up on someone else.”
Late that afternoon, I heard Gabe’s car pull up, and with a sinking feeling, I went outside to greet him.
“Hey,” he said, as he got out of the car. The backseat was already bulging with supplies for our trip.
He must have caught the look on my face. “Audrey, have you been crying? What’s wrong?”
I told him about my talk with Lucy and Candela’s wedding.
He drew in a deep breath after I finished.
“Boy, talk about bad timing.”
“I know.”
He shook his head. “I guess you’re going, then?”
“She’s like a sister to me. I can’t miss her wedding.”
He nodded. “No, you can’t.”
“I suppose our road trip can wait until I get back? What do you think?”
He looked so dejected that I felt tears spring to my eyes. “Audrey, I would be more than happy to wait if I thought for a second that you’d be coming back.”
“Gabe—” I started to say.
“I suppose I was always meant to go on this trip alone.”
“Don’t say that.” The tears spilled over. “Don’t.”
He stared at me for a few moments before reaching out to me. I collapsed against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. He held me tightly for a while, his lips pressed against my ear. “You’ve got to do what your heart tells you, okay? There’s no point in us going through with this if you’re just going to keep looking back.”
“I thought I’d let it go,” I whispered. “I really did, Gabe.”
“I thought so too,” said Gabe. “But we know differently now.”
“God, I’m going to miss you.”
He pulled away and smiled. “Well, maybe we’ll run into each other again. Stranger things have happened.”
“We’ll keep in touch, won’t we?”
He shook his head. “I think it’s best we just leave it here for now. I don’t think I can do the friend thing. Not with you.”
“But what if I need you?”
“You can always find me, if you really have to. It’s the twenty-first century, after all.”
“Okay.”
“You take care of yourself, Audrey.”
“So this is it? We’re saying goodbye?” I felt a wave of panic and realized how much I had come to depend on him. It was hard to believe it was only yesterday we were planning our trip, blissfully unaware of what lay ahead.
He nodded. “This is goodbye.”
I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his cheek. “You’re my angel, you know,” I whispered. I didn’t want to let him go.
He gently pulled my arms free and stepped back. He looked down at me and grinned his good-natured grin. “You’re going to be okay, Audrey. You don’t need anybody anymore. Remember that.”
Then just as swiftly as he appeared in my life, he was gone. I stood on the sidewalk and watched as the station wagon turned the corner at the end of the street and disappeared. I stood there for a long time in the dying light, a dull thudding in my chest and the feeling I was more alone than I had ever been.
Two
Candela’s nuptials felt more like a small house party than a wedding. It was held in the tiny garden of her duplex in Chippendale. Eve was her maid of honor, and Lucy and I were the bridesmaids. The whole ceremony had a casual, laid-back vibe to it.
Dirk and Candela looked very much the picture of young love. To see them each glowing with health and happiness gave me a wonderful sense of optimism.
Lucy and Candela had been waiting for me when I walked through the arrival gate in Sydney a week earlier. Candela held up her two fingers in a peace sign when she caught sight of me from a distance. I grinned broadly when I saw it. Since we were kids, we’d hold our fingers in the same way when we wanted to make a show of peace. I felt a wave of affection wash over me, despite the ugliness of our last parting. There are some friendships that weather the greatest storms, and I knew the one I shared with Lucy and Candela could make it through anything.
Now the three of us were sitting cross-legged on the soft lawn under a lemon tree. Candela was still in her wedding dress, a simple white satin garment with lace trim. Intricate patterns were inked in henna on her hands and wrists. Lucy and I were in matching blue linen dresses we’d picked up just the day before on a last-minute shopping stint.
Dirk was in the shed with the door rolled up, showing his latest work to his friends who stood around, beers in hand, nodding with appreciation.
“I know whom you’re hoping to see,” said Candela, as she caught me surveying the guests. She and Lucy exchanged a meaningful glance. “But he’s not here.”
They both knew Rad was a sore spot for me, and with all the last-minute wedding preparations, I didn’t get a chance to bring him up. “How is he?” I asked, trying to sound impassive.
Lucy gave a long sigh. “I didn’t want to worry you,” she said, “but it’s not good, Audrey. I ran into him one day.” She tilted her head to one side and chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip. “About five months after you left, maybe? He had no idea you had gone to Colorado. I think he had tried calling you, but, of course, you changed your number. Anyway, he was just heading home from some big meeting that didn’t go down well. I’m not sure what happened after that, but he turned up at Freddy’s a couple of weeks later and asked Freddy if he would look after his MacBook and a few other things. After a month or so, we got a postcard from someplace up north called Bell Rock Trailer Park, and no one has heard from him since.”