Once I start talking, things I haven’t thought about in years start flooding toward the forefront of my mind, and I can’t stop them now that they’ve come. I shouldn’t be telling all of this to Carter; Gran wouldn’t like it, but I have to trust myself and talking about it feels right.
“The demon with Dad’s form got to my mom first. It was so strong it just grabbed her and she couldn’t do anything. It pinned her to the floor and drained my mom but didn’t kill her right away. Her blood covered everything. I remember screaming—lots of screaming.”
I pause for a breath and realize I’m crying. I feel the bed sink next to me as Carter sits on it. The warmth of his body presses against my leg.
“It was horrible because I could still see my dad there. His eyes glowed orange from the demon, but it was still my dad’s body, hunched over my mother and killing her. It came at me next. Mom’s eyes were open and her cries got fainter. I was so scared and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move.”
Carter’s hands are wrapped in mine, warmth in the cold. I want to stop talking, but I can’t. I hate that I’m crying in front of him. Nothing says beautiful like snot and soul-bearing. But his fingers run circles on my palm and I don’t think he minds. At least, I hope not.
“Its claws pierced me, and I don’t remember anything after that. I think I passed out—or I just blocked it all. When I woke up, Mom was white. Dead. Her blood was everywhere. So was mine. It covered the flood in dark crimson stains and splashed all over the purple walls. I felt different, weaker. I couldn’t even cry. I pulled myself across the floor and hid in that closet. Closed the door so I didn’t have to see her. I don’t know how long I was in there before they found me.”
Next to me, Carter inhales. His hand is still in mine and I squeeze it, feeling better immediately. More grounded.
“They took your essence,” he says.
I nod, sniffling and taking a deep breath. “The Triad did some tests after, but they just said it was shock. I was still alive, so there was no way that’s what happened. No one survives that. Gran would hold me in her lap while they tested my magic, and everything worked.”
“Because you pulled your magic from her.”
I nod and look at him through my tears, and asked the question that’s haunted me ever since. “Why did I survive?”
He’s quiet, and I wish there were answers behind the shine of his jade eyes. “I don’t know.”
I look away from him and toward the spot on the floor where my purple carpet used to be, back before it was an imprint of a bad memory. “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.”
“You don’t mean that,” he says quietly.
“I’m a burden to everyone. Everything I have, everything I do, is a lie,” I say, tears welling up in my eyes again. I seriously hate crying.
Carter grasps my chin so he can look at my face. I’m suddenly very aware that we’re alone together in my old bedroom. His hands are too warm against my skin and only inches separate us.
“Not everything.”
I look at him, and I don’t know, it’s like he gets me. I can feel it. Almost as if whatever I’m missing, he’s missing too. No one has ever looked at me that way before.
“You know why I want to be an Enforcer? I want to find that demon and I want my powers back.”
“You have powers with me, Pen.”
I shake my head. “But why you? I’ve met hundreds of witches and you’re the only one I can get magic from aside from my family,” I say. Carter doesn’t respond because there isn’t answer. “And for how long? What if it stops one day? What if I don’t always have you? I need my own magic.” I didn’t want him two days ago, and now the thought of him not being here is a little too scary.
Carter is quiet. “I don’t know. I wish I did. I would do whatever it takes to help you.”
He says it in that way that sets my nerves on edge, and horses gallop around in my stomach.
“You can’t tell anyone about me,” I say quickly. “No one can know that my essence is gone. Gran and Pop have worked so hard to keep it all secret.”
“I promise,” he says. “My lips are sealed.”
This overwhelming urge to kiss him possesses me, and I’m leaning in toward him. I tell myself not to. My body doesn’t listen. I expect him to push me away—I almost hope he will—but he doesn’t. He tilts his head so our lips are closer. His hand trails my arm and my neck and my insides jump around, ready. My whole body is anticipating his touch. What if I mess this up? I start to second-guess myself when he pulls me toward him and presses his mouth to mine.
Then his mouth is all I can think about and I lean into his kiss. My body is on fire as his warmth seeps through our clothes. He lowers me down on the bed, and we’re both way too big, legs hanging off and all over each other, but I don’t even care. My heart is pounding. I’m kissing Carter. It’s reckless, it’s marvelous, it’s right, it’s—the stupid phone rings. Both phones. The WNN tone.
Carter’s mouth lingers for a moment, then he pulls away from me. My lips still tingle. His face is flushed when he looks down at the phone. I ignore mine and sit up. I hate the phone. I hate the WNN. Stupid demons. I was kissing Carter. Holy crap. Why was I kissing Carter?
“Demon attack in region three. Two dead,” he says.
Moment ruined.
He slides his phone back into his pocket and grins at me. I bite my lip. I really want to do it again.
“What time is it?” I say quickly. I pull the phone out of my pocket. After one. “We should go.”
Carter drums on the railing as he goes down the stairs. I stumble over a step and he steadies me. Embarrassing.
Downstairs, I lock the door behind us. I’m trying to think of what to say now. How do you follow up a kiss? I mean, without more kissing. Which I would do if I had time.
“Will I see you tomorrow? We could work on our magic,” Carter says.
“Tomorrow—will you be around the Nucleus House? I may need you. Our magic, I mean. It’s Pairing day,” I say.
“I can probably do that.” He smiles.
I sort of love that smile.
It’s warm out here for it being so early in the morning. I blush, remembering his lips on mine. Maybe that’s why I’m hot.
“Thank you. For helping me with this; I know it’s just an exchange.”
We start down the sidewalk. Man, that was a good kiss. I get hot again, blushing.
Yeah, it’s totally him.
“It’s not,” he says.
“Not what?”
He runs a hand across his chin. “Just an exchange. I mean, I help you; you help me, sure. But”—he pauses and his smile is big and boyish. It’s too adorable—“I like the excuse to hang out with you.”
“Stop it,” I say.
“What? It’s true.”
I swat at him. “You’re ridiculous, Carter Trent.”
“Let’s get you home.” He puts his hand on the small of my back as we walk.
Chapter Fifteen
No one can throw a party like Mrs. Bentham.
She’s the most esteemed member of the council, not only for her record, but for her ability to make our ceremonies—the Pairing, the Bonding, the induction of new Enforcers—amazing. When Ric and I walk into the ballroom at the Nucleus House, he whistles. The banquet hall is dressed to the nines, just like we’re about to be for the Pairing ceremony. We have to get ready here. Another part of tradition.
All the chairs are covered in a silver fabric and these pink bows that are so light they look white. The lights are dimmed, but bright enough that they create this warm, hazy glow across the room. The stage is decorated in floating lisianthuses that hover magically in the air around us.