‘Indeed they must,’ he answered warmly, and I was happy contemplating their arrival.
‘How proud I shall be to show them everything,’ I said.
He pressed my arm, well pleased.
That afternoon we went riding, for he wished to show me the countryside. He did not have a large estate, as the family land was in Cumberland and Far Flamstead was merely a soldier’s country house. The grounds were extensive enough, consisting of the gardens, the paddocks and the copse of fir trees.
We supped together as we had on the previous night and as before we shared the velvet-curtained bed.
For two weeks we lived to a sort of pattern. Each morning he worked in the library and I was left to myself, when I would wander through the gardens, which consisted of ten acres, so there was plenty for me to see. There was a walled rose garden and a pond garden, a kitchen garden and a herb garden. I wrote letters to my mother and to Bersaba—telling the former the details of the flowers we grew here and how the colder drier climate seemed to affect certain things. It was easy writing to her. It was less so writing to Bersaba. I used to think often of her lying in bed, where she still had to spend a certain amount of time, regaining her strength, my mother called it, so I was afraid to write too glowingly of my happiness, which was certainly there, but it is the nature of happiness to be elusive. I had discovered that it stayed usually for a few fleeting moments and if it remained for a day that was rare. The nights hung over me not exactly frightening but bewildering. I had never thought about this side to marriage, and it always seemed to me that the man I met behind the red curtains of the four-poster bed was a stranger—not the one who was so noble, dignified and commanding by day.
I loved him dearly. I never had any doubt of that, and the fact that at times he seemed rather remote in his daytime personality made him more than ever attractive to me. I used to fancy I could hear my mother’s explaining: ‘You were very young to marry. Had you been at home I should have talked to you and warned you of what you must expect. You would have been prepared. But it happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly that you are groping in the dark a little. Have no fear. You love him and he loves you. You are a little in awe of him because he holds a high position in the country. Well, it is a good thing to respect your husband.’
I used to wonder if she had felt thus with my father.
I thought if Bersaba were here I could talk to her. But I could not bring myself to write my innermost thoughts even to her.
In the afternoons when Richard’s work was done we would ride together. He delighted in showing me the countryside. He had a great feeling for nature and he loved trees. He would point them out to me and tell me about them; and there were a great variety round Flamstead. It was like a lesson in botany to ride with Richard. He would pause by a stream where the willow trees grew. ‘See how they love the moist damp earth,’ he pointed out. ‘Look, their roots are almost in the water. This is a male tree, for the flowers of the male and female are on separate trees. You should see the furry silvery tufts breaking out in the spring and the males have golden-tipped stamens and the females green. When they’re in full seed they look as though they are covered in tufts of white wool.’
He would point out the Scots pines and the yews.
‘Look at that yew. It has been there for over a hundred years. Doesn’t that give you pause to think? Imagine what changes it has seen. It was there when Queen Elizabeth first came to the throne and before that when her father was dissolving the monasteries and cutting us off from Rome.’
‘There is something rather sinister about yews,’ I said.
‘Well, they are poisonous to cattle.’
‘There’s something witch-like about them. One could imagine their having secret knowledge. But the berries are not poisonous, are they? The birds eat them.’
‘My dear little Angelet, you see good everywhere. I hope you always will.’
He talked at length about the yews; how they grew very slowly and could live for over a thousand years, and the flowers were of distinct sexes and grew on different trees—the male flowers small round and yellow, their stamens producing a considerable amount of pollen, the female flowers small green ovoids which grew on the under part of the twigs.
I felt that he was explaining that there was a similarity between nature’s laws with flowers and with people. He knew that I was uneasy, and he was telling me that I would grow accustomed to what seemed a little strange and alarming to me at first. Hadn’t it been happening throughout the world since the creation because it was nature’s way of replenishing the earth?
I listened avidly and tried to convey to him that I understood and would in time accept life as it was.
He had interesting stories to tell of the trees and said that they were the most beautiful of all nature’s creations. There was no time of the year when a tree was not beautiful. In the spring it was a joy with its buds and promise, in the summer it was rich and full; in the autumn the turning colour of its leaves was an inspiration to the artist, and it was best of all in winter when its denuded branches could be seen against a winter sky.
‘I had not thought you could be so lyrical,’ I told him.
‘I am usually afraid of mockery,’ he said.
‘Not with me.’
‘Never with you.’
I felt happy then.
Then he showed me an aspen—the trembling poplar—and it was fascinating to watch how it quivered in the light breeze.
‘It is said that the cross of Christ was made from the wood of an aspen and that ever after it has been unable to rest.’
‘Do you believe that?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘The leaves tremble so much because their stems are so long and slender.’
‘Do you have a logical explanation for everything?’
‘I hope so.’
I was learning a great deal about him. In the evenings he liked to talk to me about his battles and I tried to learn about them. Oddly enough he had sets of soldiers—tin ones, infantry and cavalry such as children play with. I was astonished when I first saw them. To imagine Richard playing with soldiers was the last thing I would have thought possible. But it was scarcely playing with them. He showed how certain battles had been won or lost and he would take a large sheet of paper and draw out the battlefield and place his soldiers on them.
He would show a rare excitement as he moved the soldiers about. ‘You see, Angelet, the foot soldiers came along here, but what they didn’t know was that the cavalry was lying in wait behind this hill. You see, they were so strategically placed that they were hidden from sight. It was a mistake on the part of the foot commander. He should have sent out spies to assess the enemy’s position.’
I tried to follow because I was so anxious to please him and it moved me deeply to see him there with his miniature soldiers. It made him seem young and vulnerable in a way.
I wished that I could have been interested in the battles but I could only pretend to be. I had always hated talk of fighting. My mother used to say that wars were made by the folly of ambitious men, and although they brought temporary gain to one side it was rarely worth having. Of course they had still talked now and then of the defeat of the Armada, but that was a sea battle and we had been fighting for our lives and our freedom then.
So I would sit there in the evenings while he played out his battles and engaged me in a game of chess—a game at which I had never excelled. Bersaba and I used to play together and I so rarely defeated her that it was a red-letter day when I did.
After the game was over Richard would sit back and survey the board and tell me where I had gone wrong, and often he would put the pieces back and want us to start again at that point.