I was a little absentminded and of course this began to be noticed. I caught Mrs Cherry looking at me intently, and once when I went into the kitchen she was whispering with Grace and Meg, and as the whispering stopped abruptly as I entered I guessed they were discussing me, for while Mrs Cherry retained her rotund cheerfulness the other two looked a little embarrassed.
When she was doing my hair Meg asked me if I felt well.
‘Of course,’ I answered. ‘Why do you ask? Don’t I look well?’
‘Oh yes, my lady, you look very well … but different.’
‘How different?’ I asked sharply.
She was again embarrassed.
‘Well, we was wondering, my lady … I hope it’s not out of place, but, you see, being as it was in the family … we got noticing things.’
‘Really, Meg,’ I said, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
She hung her head and looked very uncomfortable, and because I insisted on her telling me what she meant she said: ‘Well, it would be lovely to have a little baby in the house. It’s what we’d all look forward to.’
I felt myself flushing scarlet. ‘But what makes you think …’
‘It was Grace, my lady.’
‘Grace!’
‘Well, you see, she learned it from my mother and she was going to be one herself. She does now when she’s needed … roundabouts, you know. If anyone wants her. She’s got a natural way for it.’
‘Really, Meg,’ I said, ‘I haven’t the faintest notion of what you are talking about.’
‘Our mother was a midwife, my lady, and she taught Grace all she knew. Grace would have been the same, only we came here and she has other duties. I reckon she earns her keep as I’m sure you’ll agree …’
‘I do, but what about Grace?’
‘Well, Grace has second sight you might say, my lady, where babies is concerned, and she reckons that you’re what she might call in the family way, if you’ll excuse the expression to a lady.’
‘How could Grace know?’
‘Well, she always says that people change when they get that way … no matter who they be, and she says she’d take a wager on it, my lady.’
I said: ‘Grace may be right. I shall hope so.’
Meg smiled, very well content.
As the days passed I began to feel Grace’s insight had not failed her.
August would soon be with us. The wheatfields of the Longridge Farm were already changing colour and were now a golden brown, and the barley and oats and his root crops made a patchwork quilt of the land—yellow, white, blue, green and purple. Mine was not a poetic nature, but I told myself that the whole earth was symbolically fruitful.
How I longed for a child! In my mind I talked to my mother and Bersaba, but I was afraid to write to them for fear I should be wrong.
However, I couldn’t resist talking to knowledgeable Grace.
‘Grace,’ I said, ‘I’m almost sure.’
‘Oh my lady,’ she answered, ‘I am sure.’
‘I feel so excited about it.’
‘Bringing little lives into the world is the most exciting thing in life, my lady.’
‘Yes, I believe it is.’
‘Ain’t no doubt about it, my lady.’ She came close to me and looked into my face. Then she laid her hands on me.
‘I’d say ‘tis just about two months, my lady. There’s some as takes to breeding like the flowers to rain. It’ll be an easy birth, I can promise you. You’ve got that sort of figure for it. Little waist and big hips—like an hour-glass—and that’s good for babies.’
‘You’re very comforting, Grace.’
‘Oh, I know my business. There’s not a child of eight and under in Longridge Cottages who wasn’t brought into the world by me—and them that’s older was brought in by my mother. You can rely on me. I’ll be beside you all through.’
‘Of course it’s very early days yet.’
‘Don’t you fret, my lady. The baby’s here all right. I don’t have a shadow of a doubt. My mother was the finest midwife in the country and she taught me all she knew. She was well thought of. The highest ladies in the land knew they couldn’t do better than have her in attendance. She always believed in being there a day or more before she was needed. None of that last-minute arrival on the scene if she could help it. A lot of harm could be done before she arrived. She was ready a week before …’
Grace stopped suddenly and I said quickly: ‘She attended the General’s first wife, then?’
‘’Tweren’t her fault the poor lady died. She said before that it were no ordinary confinement. She were very weak and my mother knew there wasn’t a hope for her, but she did all she could for her. All her skill she used … ’Tweren’t no good. The best midwife in the world can’t go against fate. Oh, she were different from you. You’re a fine strong healthy lady. No need to think of her …’
‘I’d like to know more about her, Grace.’
Grace’s mouth was tightly shut. ‘I reckon you don’t want to go getting fancies, my lady. You want to think about your own dear little baby. Why, I reckon next April you’ll be holding that little ’un in your arms and calling him the masterpiece of creation.’
I smiled at her. She was already assuming the role of nurse.
It amused me, and it was comforting to know that when my time did come I should be attended by the best midwife in the country.
A messenger came with a letter from Richard. Trouble had not developed in the north, as he had feared, and the situation was under control. Before the end of the month he would be with me.
I thought it was safe to write to tell him of my hopes, for I knew that they would delight him.
‘I am not sure but it could well be so,’ I wrote. ‘Grace, the dedicated midwife whose mother taught her all she knows and that seems to be everything there is to know on the subject, is absolutely certain, and she is treating me as though I am a very priceless piece of china. By the time you come home I shall be quite certain and I am so happy because I feel in my heart that it must be so. I have not written to Trystan Priory yet. My mother will be delighted and of course anxious. I don’t think I could ask for anything in the world, only just to see my mother and my sister.’
Within a week a letter came back from Richard. He must have read mine and sat down immediately to reply. He wrote:
‘My dear wife, your letter filled me with the utmost pleasure. I must impress on you to take care of yourself. I shall be with you just as soon as is possible, which must be by the end of the month. Then I shall hope to stay for a longer time—unless of course something unforeseen should happen. At the moment this seems unlikely. It might well be that your mother and sister could visit us. I should not wish you to undertake the journey to them at this time, and as the weeks go on you will need to take more and more care. I assure you that I am thinking of you when I am not occupied with military matters. You know how deep my affection is for you. Your husband, Richard Tolworthy.’
I smiled over the letter. It was not a passionate love letter by any means; but it was sincere and every word in it rang true.
I would not have had it otherwise.
There was one night when I could not sleep. I lay in the big bed and thought of Richard’s coming home and how we would talk and plan for the child. Life had taken on a new dimension. The thought of being a mother must make it so. I felt older, wiser. I had to be. I would have a new life to guide. I wondered whether I should be adequate.
My mother would be delighted and apprehensive. She herself had waited five years for my brother Fennimore and she would be so pleased, because no bride could have been quicker to conceive than I had.