We sit for a long while and practice the two words over and over.
“Ten minutes to dinner time,” Miss Ella says from behind the pots.
“Let’s do your name quickly.” When Jack looks at me I ask, “What’s your last name?”
“Hawkins.”
My mouth goes slack with shock. “But that’s Cameron’s last name,” I say feeling confused.
Jack’s whole body tightens up. “He married my mother,” he says abruptly.
I can see he doesn’t want to talk about this, but I need to know. “Cameron is your step father?”
Jack gets up so quickly, I flinch away. He storms from the kitchen and I stare after him feeling a tendril of fear slip down my spine. If he’s Cameron’s son the man might come looking for him.
“Jack’s mom died when he was young. Cameron sold her and the Master killed her,” Sophia suddenly says. “Cameron had a son with Jack’s mom and that’s the only reason Jack never tried to leave. He did it all for David. He promised his mom that he would look after David. ”
The new information hits me in the gut. “Jack has a brother?” I get up, feeling a wave of panic hit. “Are you telling me we left Jack’s brother back there?”
Sophia cringes back and shakes her head. “No. David is Cameron’s son. David was the one who had me and Jack whipped. Jack started a fight with him when he saw me giving David a blowjob.”
Now I’m confused. “Let me get the story right. David is Jack’s younger brother, but he’s just like Cameron?”
“Yes,” there is a sad look on Sophia’s face when she whispers, “I think that broke Jack’s heart.”
That’s so sad! Jack went through years of being used for David and it turned out that David was just like Cameron. Something like that is bad enough to break anyone.
“Thank you for telling me, Sophia.” I look to Miss Ella and ask, “Will you keep two plates for us. I’m going to go check on him.”
I rush out the back door and head in the direction of the chapel. I don’t know how I’m going to fix this.
~*~
Chapter Eleven
Jack~
Anger is suffocating me! I’ve managed to switch off in some way over the past few days, but it’s all gone to shit.
David. The name burns through my heart. I’m torn between feeling like I failed David, and feeling betrayed by him.
I just walk blindly, until I reach the chapel. I take a seat on one of the benches. Night is falling and the trees cast dark shadows around me.
David was my life for so long, the only reason I let those filthy fuckers touch me. I’ll never forget his last words to me. ‘Thanks for all the money you made us you dumb fuck. Sadly, every hole has an expiration date and you’ve reached yours. No use in pretending anymore.’
He was working with Cameron all along, cashing in on my stupidity. They let me believe that David was being sheltered from that life, that he was at college making something great of himself, but instead he was being formed into a spitting image of Cameron.
He was the only reason I let people fuck me. Never again! I will never bow to another single person. I will never bend over for another man or let another woman climb all over me. I will never submit again.
“Jack?” River sounds cautious and she should be. I’m not a little puppet anymore!
I hear her come closer and I growl, “Stay away from me!”
She stops somewhere behind me and then she whispers, “Sophia told me about David. I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“She shouldn’t have!” I snap under my breath.
“What they did to you,” she sucks in a deep breath before she carries on with a tear filled voice, “I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“You said that already.” I get up and stalk over to her. I need to let go of this consuming anger and hatred and she’s the perfect target. “You pretend to be different. You pretend just like Cameron and David pretended. You’ll use me just like they did! You’re a monster …” I suck in some air before I hiss out, “You are just like them.”
She folds her arms around herself, as if she’s trying to protect herself from my words. “I’m not,” she snaps back, her façade of patience gone. “I am nothing like those monsters and don’t you ever dare compare me to them!”
I take another step closer to her and I spit the words out, one for one, “You are just like Cameron!”
She spins around and walks away from me, “I’m not doing this with you. You’re looking for a fight with the wrong person.”
She takes a few steps but then swings around again. She stalks all the way back until she’s right in front of me. “I’m nothing like Cameron,” her voice cracks with emotion. “My mother was sold too! She’s somewhere out there and I can’t find her, and it kills me a little every day.” She points to the bonsai trees I planted today. “These plants … they were bought with the money my father made off his slaves. I also grew up seeing people being raped and beaten every single day.” She sucks in gulps of air and then tears spill over her cheeks. “I’ve never raped someone. I’ve never beaten someone. I haven’t so much as touched someone without their permission. I use the money my father made from his slaves to save people. I’m giving it all back.” She hisses, “I’m not a monster.”
River turns away from me and then runs off into the dark night.
~*~
That night I can’t sleep. With the lights off, I stand in front of the window staring into the dark night. I’m trying to process everything she told me. Her mother was also a slave?
I spot movement in the garden and see that it’s River. She’s walking towards the chapel. I quickly put on some clothes and then run to catch up with her. I follow behind her, not sure what to say to her. I feel bad for the way I behaved this afternoon.
She doesn’t go to the chapel. When she gets to the river she sits down, just staring out over the water.
“I was fourteen,” she suddenly whispers. “I made the choice of having sex with one of the stable boys. I knew it would only be a matter of time before father sold me.” I walk closer and then sit down next to her. “My first time was awful and it hurt. We didn’t know what we were doing. But none of that mattered. I just wanted to get rid of my virginity.” She starts to pick at the grass, pulling out one blade after the other. “He found out.” She looks at me, tears making her eyes shimmer like the water in the river. “Jack, he got so mad! He made us have sex again. It … it was horrible. He watched all of it. I’ve never felt so degraded in my life, and then as the boy came father shot him. There was blood everywhere. I felt as he died, his body going limp on top of mine.” She wipes at the tears and then her shoulders hunch forward and she starts to sob. “Because of me that boy died.”
Her father betrayed her like David betrayed me. I now understand her a little better. I stay with her and eventually she stops crying. We both just sit and stare into the night. A lot has been said between us. It feels like I’ve connected with her in some way.
~*~
The next day everything is back to normal and our fight is forgotten. I spend the day working with the bonsai trees. They need a lot of patience and care. I need more manure for the plants, so taking the wheelbarrow I make my way over to where the cattle are. I shovel some into the wheelbarrow and then stop when I hear something. It’s coming from the building.
I walk closer and when I hear the familiar grunts of someone having sex I go cold. I find myself standing in the doorway and my eyes sweep through the building. There’s lots of hay everywhere. My eyes dart up and then I see them. I think their names are Maddie and Christopher. The longer I stare at them, the more I release that what they are doing is different from what I’m used to seeing. Christopher is on top of Maddie, and he’s looking at her with such a soft expression.