He slides into her softly and slowly, and her body arches up into his. She’s holding onto his arms, while making sounds of pleasure. I watch as she comes and then he follows. He doesn’t get up and dismiss her, but instead holds her, whispering to her.
I quickly leave, before they see me. I’ve seen hundreds of people having sex, but never in my life have I seen something like that. Never have I felt like I was intruding on something I shouldn’t be seeing.
Trying to digest what I just saw, I go back to shoveling manure into the wheelbarrow. I go about my day with the couple dominating my thoughts.
I now have my dinner in the kitchen with River. We’re just about to eat when the couple from the barn comes in. I duck my head, scared that they’ll find out that I watched them.
Once they’ve left the kitchen, I relax and start to eat my food.
“How was your day?” River asks.
She asked me the same question yesterday as well. “The same as yesterday.”
She laughs and then says, “I know you did gardening, but I’d like to know what you did.”
“Oh.” I cut a piece of the chicken and pop it in my mouth. While chewing I think on what to say. I swallow and decide to go with something safe. “I trimmed the bonsai. I watered them. I needed some more manure for the new pots, so I went to get some.”
I feel my cheeks flush as thoughts of the couple having sex in the barn flash through my mind.
“What?” River asks.
There is a soft smile playing around her lips. I lean closer to her and whisper, “I saw a couple having sex.”
She frowns and asks, “Did it upset you … seeing that?” She takes a bite of her potato while I think her question over.
Did it upset me? I don’t think so.
“No, it didn’t.”
She’s just taken a bite of her chicken and asks around a mouth full of food, “Did it turn you on?”
Again, I think hard and then answer, “No, but I think they broke my cock.”
She chokes on the sip of lemonade she just took. I pat her back lightly and when she recovers she looks at me very seriously. “Why would you say that?”
“Because it doesn’t get hard anymore.”
She places her knife and fork down and pushes her plate back. She crosses her arms on the table and asks, “How did you get it up then?”
“They gave me pills to take before a party or meeting.”
Her eyes go wide. “Oh … I see. So, ahh … when last did you get hard by yourself?”
I sit back and I have to think hard. “I think it was a few months ago.”
“And orgasms?”
I drop my head in shame and whisper, “The Saturday after the party.”
I feel her hand on my chin and she nudges me to look at her. “Why are you hiding from me, Jack?”
“I’m ashamed.”
She drops her hand and shakes her head. “It’s not your fault, Jack. None of what happened to you was your fault.”
“It was the one thing she couldn’t get from me. I was proud of myself every time I left a meeting without coming. But that night I just couldn’t hold out. She made me come twice and…” I drop my head again, feeling another wave of shame engulf me.
“Who was it?”
I close my eyes and force the name out, “Mistress Westbrook.”
I hear River gasp and then the weirdest thing happens. She gets up and falling to her knees beside my chair she grabs hold of my hand. “Look at me, Jack!”
My eyes meet hers and I see them shimmer. I don’t understand why she’s sad.
“That woman is pure evil. Did she use those bands on you?”
I nod. River gets up and she shoves a hand behind her neck, looking flustered and angry. “That bitch!” Her eyes come back to me and she says pleadingly, “That had to be so awful for you but please, Jack, you have to know that it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong!”
A tear rolls down her cheek and I get up. I walk closer to her and looking down at the tear rolling over her chin, I ask, “Why are you crying?”
She takes my hand and holds it in hers. I like it when she holds my hand. “I’m crying because I’m hurting for you, Jack. I wish I could have saved you from all the horrors you’ve seen and were made to endure.” She drops my hand and then her arms go around my waist and she presses her face into my chest. At first my body stiffens, but then she whispers, “I’m crying because I care about you and I hate to see you feel ashamed for something that was outside of your control.”
I lift my arms and for the first time since Momma died, I hug someone because I want to and not because I was told to do so.
~*~
Chapter Twelve
River~
In the early hours of the morning I’m woken by someone screaming. I throw the covers back and run out of my room. Some of the doors open and one after another heads pop out to see what’s going on.
“Get back to bed!” I snap and then I open Jack’s door. I close it behind myself and switch on the light. I rush over to his bed. I sit down next to his thrashing body and shake his shoulder. “Jack, wake up!”
Another scream tears from him and it instantly brings tears to my eyes.
“Jack,” I shake him harder. “Please wake up!”
His whole body jerks and then he shoots up. Our bodies collide hard and his arms go around me. He holds me with a death grip, his face buried in my neck. I can feel his tears wetting my skin and it makes my own fall.
“It’s okay,” I hold him tightly, offering him all the strength I have. “It was just a dream, Sweetheart. You’re safe.”
He shakes his head and then chokes out, “It wasn’t a dream, River.”
He just said my name! My happiness is short lived when he sobs, “I keep seeing it. I keep seeing them burn Momma.”
“Oh no!” I pull him back so I can see his face. “Jack, they made you watch?”
“It was right before they put me with the other slaves. I thought she was sleeping, but she had died during the night. Cameron and his guards came in and took her. They burned her body. I tried to save her.” He lifts his left hand and I see the faint burn marks.
“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart.” I pull him into a hug again and just hold him.
His voice is muffled against my neck as he whispers. “I saw you tonight. They were burning you.”
“That will never happen!” I press a kiss to his ear and whisper, “We’re safe here, Jack.”
We sit for a while longer when I pull away. “You need to try and sleep some more.”
I get up and switch the light off, when Jack whispers, “Will you stay with me?” I hear him hesitate. “Like you did the night of the party. That was nice.”
I walk back to his bed and crawl in next to him. It’s a single bed so there’s not much space.
“We had a huge bed to work with that night.” I pull his arm around my shoulders and place my head in the crook of his shoulder. I have to press close to him so I don’t go falling off the side.
Jack turns on his side and both his arms go around me. The lengths of our bodies are pressed tightly against each other, and his chin is resting on top of my head.
We cling to each other until we fall asleep.
~*~
Jack keeps having those nightmares and it keeps waking everyone. At dinner I decide to approach the subject carefully.
“Do you have the nightmares often?”
He nods and then says, “Sometimes they aren’t as bad.”
“I was thinking,” I push the peas around in my plate not sure I should ask, but then I throw caution to the wind, “do you want to share a room with me?” He looks at me with a dark frown and I hope I didn’t just ruin all the progress we’ve made. “I mean just to sleep. I have to get up when you have a nightmare and that way I’ll be right there. It’s just to sleep and so you won’t be alone at night.”
A smile tugs at his lips and it makes him look gorgeous. He’s healed a lot in the three weeks he’s been here.