I only realize I’ve slapped Adam when his head turns to the side and the sharp sound penetrates the rage in me.
His face is carved of stone when his eyes meet mine. “Don’t ever hit me again.” He walks away leaving me with my fast growing guilt.
How can things go wrong so fast?
I flee down to the river, needing the calm of nature around me. Is Adam right? Am I scared that I’ll turn out like my father?
~*~
I spend the morning with the girls, picking fruit. I tell myself it’s to make sure they’re all okay after Beverly’s sudden departure.
Okay, fine! So I’m hiding. So I’m a coward.
“River, those aren’t ripe yet,” Jamie says, and she takes the rock hard pear from me. “Are you worried about what happened yesterday?”
She looks really concerned so I force a smile to my face. “No, Lovely. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well.”
“Go back to the house.” She gives me a quick hug. “We’ll be okay without Beverly, it’s not like she actually worked.”
“Why didn’t you tell me she wasn’t working?” Have I been so caught up in Jack that I’ve failed to see what was happening under my own nose?
“She wasn’t hurting anyone by not working. I love it here, River. I didn’t want to upset anyone, so I let it go. But, yesterday … she shouldn’t have done that.”
“You were right to tell me. I want everyone to feel safe here.”
I give Jamie another hug and then walk in the direction of the house. I’ll go see what Miss Ella is cooking. Maybe I can help her and Sophia.
When I walk into the kitchen I find Miss Ella, Sophia and Jack sitting at the table and eating pie.
They don’t see me and I take the opportunity to look at Jack. His scars have healed nicely. The remaining ones only make him look rugged and handsome.
“Miss Ella,” Jack says with that innocent tone which means he’s about to ask a big question. “What is love?”
I place my hand over my aching heart. He’s so confused and I only made it worse.
“Son,” Miss Ella pats her mouth with a napkin and then looks him square in the eye. “Love is like a car accident.” I pull a face. That’s not what I’d compare it to. I listen as she continues to share her wisdom. “It hits you hard and out of the blue. By the time you realize that you’re in love it’s too late to run for the hills. When it’s done with your poor heart; you’re either in a world of pain, or you’re one of the lucky ones who has a great story to tell. Love will either break you or make you.”
Jack stares at her with wide eyes. I think she’s just managed to kill the idea of love for him.
I walk closer and take a seat with them. “What Miss Ella is trying to say is that love can hurt if it’s not returned by the other person, and love can be a beautiful thing if both parties feel the same way.”
Jack’s eyes are filled with accusations as he says, “You said you love me.”
I can feel Miss Ella and Sophia’s eyes swing from me to Jack, as if they’re watching a tennis match.
“I do love you, Jack. I -”
Jack stands up and resting his hands on the table, he towers over us all. “Then it should be a beautiful thing! You just said so yourself!” He stalks to the backdoor and then without looking back he says, “You made me feel humiliated last night. You said I should kiss the girl who gives me butterflies and makes my heart beat faster. You said it would be special then, but you lied.”
I cover my mouth as Jack walks away. What have I done?
~*~
I can feel Miss Ella staring at me. Sophia went after Jack because I am too much of a coward.
“The boy loves you,” Miss Ella says in her take-no-nonsense way.
“He doesn’t know what love is!” I get up and start to pace the floor.
“That boy knows more about love than you do!” She gets up to stir whatever she has cooking and then angrily wipes her hands on the apron she’s always wearing. “I’ve been down to the chapel. I’ve seen how pretty he’s made it.” She throws her arms wide, her cheeks flushing with anger. “Look at all the beauty he creates! Only a man who knows about love can do all of that.”
She walks over to me and lays a soft hand on my cheek. “Child, a one sided love is a destructive thing. It breeds anger and jealousy. You love the boy and he loves you. Let the past be the past and go to that boy before it’s too late.”
Miss Ella is right. She’s always right.
Am I using my past as an excuse to hide behind, just like Adam said?
I don’t have the guts to face Jack yet, so I go hide in the office pretending to do books the whole day long.
I’m like an ostrich, thinking if I can stick my head in the sand all the problems will go away.
Yeah, right.
~*~
I know I’ll find Adam at his place after dinner. I knock softly and wait for him to answer the door.
Instead Sophia opens the door. For a minute I can only stare, before I finally ask, “Is Adam here?”
“Yes, he’s just taking a shower. Come in,” she says all friendly and happy.
I follow her to the kitchen and watch as she’s finishing up two cups of coffee. “Would you like some?” she asks politely.
I take a hard look at her. She’s changed a lot over the past month. She’s become more human and less robotic. She’s alive and not just existing.
“No, thank you,” I say with a smile. “You look good, Sophia.”
She blushes and looks in the direction of the closed bedroom door. “Adam is good to me. He’s teaching me what’s right and what’s wrong.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
The bedroom door opens and Adam comes out, dressed in only a pair of sweats. His eyes jump from me to Sophia, and then he asks, “Is there something you needed?”
I shake my head and quickly apologize, “I’m sorry for slapping you the other night. You were right and I just didn’t want to hear it. I’m so very sorry, Adam.”
His face softens and he walks over to me. He hugs me hard and I sink into him, so happy that he’s forgiving me. That’s one thing about Adam, he doesn’t cling to his anger.
He pulls back and cups my cheek. “You deserve to be happy, and so does Jack.”
I kiss his cheek, knowing that he’s once again right. “Thank you for always being there to point me in the right direction.”
“Always, that’s what friends are for.”
I leave them so they can have their coffee. Tomorrow I’ll talk with Jack and hopefully we’ll be able to put this all behind us.
~*~
Chapter Fifteen
Jack~
I was shocked when I got hard the other night. It felt foreign, but also good. River felt so soft beneath me, not hard and demanding like the women and men who have used me over the years.
Even though I’m angry with her, I can’t stop thinking about her.
For the past two nights I’ve woken up rock hard. Last night I tried to make myself come, but I just couldn’t reach climax. I’m so frustrated with myself! The one time I do want to come I can’t!
I throw the wire and wire cutter to the side. I stare at the tiny branch that I’ve just hurt by wiring it too tightly. It’s going to leave a scar!
I sit back, flat on my ass and then gently take the wire off the branch. I place the baby bonsai on my lap and my heart feels heavy as I stare at the wounded branch. It didn’t deserve to be hurt like that! I’ll leave it to heal before I wire it again.
I hear gravel crunching behind me and look over my shoulder. I’m surprised to see River walking towards me. I haven’t seen her in days, not even for my lessons or dinner. Miss Ella took over teaching me words. Last night she taught me how to spell my name and last name. She also showed me how to write a two and a seven, because that’s how old I am. She says everybody should be able to write their name and age.
“Hey, Jack, what are you busy with?” I can hear the false cheerfulness in her voice.