I just want to be Jack. I want to be able to experience freedom, love and peace with all of my heart.
I don’t want to be just a fuck. I want to be a man River can love.
~*~
“Jack!” Adam waves at me as I’m passing by his house with another load of wood for the stables. I leave everything right there and run to him.
Excitement starts to pump through my veins as I follow him inside.
“I’ve managed to get everything. We’ll be making homemade bombs. There’s a pair of gloves.” He points to the counter in the kitchen and I quickly go to put them on. He takes a deep breath and then looks hard at me. “Are you sure, Jack? Once we make these bombs there’s no turning back.”
I nod quickly. “They have to pay.”
“Well then, let’s get started.” Adam has canisters, glass jars and old pieces of cloth scattered over his kitchen floor.
“We’ll be making what some call a Molotov Cocktail. It’s easy to make and to use.” I nod, taking in every word Adam is saying. “You take a jar. Fill it half with gasoline, quarter oil, and then you add some Styrofoam.”
“Why Styrofoam?” I ask curiously.
“It will help the mixture thicken. When we throw the jar the Styrofoam will also help the mixture to stick to everything.”
“That’s good.” I grab a jar and watch as Adam again repeats what I must do, but this time he also shows me.
“So, you take a jar and fill it half with gasoline.” He works carefully, not spilling any of the flammable liquid. “Then add the oil, only a quarter.” Again, I watch as he carefully pours it in. He breaks a piece of Styrofoam into smaller pieces and then puts all the pieces in the jar. “Now you take one of these old shirts and place it over the mouth of the jar. Screw on the top and there you have it,” Adam holds the bottle for me to see, “our first bomb.” He lightly pulls at the long piece of material sticking out from the jar. “Make them all this long. This is what we’ll soak in gasoline when we get there. You just set the soaked cloth on fire and throw the jar,” he pats my shoulder, “then, my friend, you run like hell.”
~*~
After I’ve showered, I find Adam in my room. I haven’t been sleeping by River since the fire. I need the space and I’m sure she needs it too.
I close the door behind me and wait for Adam to speak. He’s standing with his back to me when he says, “We leave in one hour. Don’t tell anyone. Just meet me out front by the station wagon. I have already loaded all the bombs and extra gasoline.”
I nod as he turns around and leaves the room. As the door clicks closed behind Adam, my heart starts to beat frantically.
Finally! I’m going to have my revenge.
An hour later I sneak out of the house, making sure no one sees me. I run to the station wagon and get in the passenger side. Adam is already waiting.
As we leave the plantation I look back and my eyes automatically go to River’s window. I see her standing there, her arms wrapped tightly around her. Before guilt can start to eat at my conscience again, I look away.
For the first few minutes we drive in silence. When the silence gets to be too much, I ask, “Why didn’t you blindfold me? I heard that you blindfold everyone.”
Adam takes a deep breath and without taking his eyes off the road, he says, “That didn’t help much. All the precautions we take aren’t worth shit if we can’t trust the guards or people we bring here. From now on the only way you can leave the plantation is in a body bag. Once someone makes the choice to stay there it’s for life. I won’t risk the other’s lives for one person who suddenly gets an itch they want scratched.”
“That will be better,” I say, fully agreeing with him.
“You agree?” Adam asks, actually looking surprised.
“Of course,” I say and then I settle back into the seat for the long ride. “I don’t want to invest myself into that plantation only to have it ripped from me. I’m sure the others feel the same way.”
“Where’s all of this coming from?” Adam asks. “You’ve been so quiet since we brought you here, just … existing.”
“Yeah, I’m done just existing.” Adam is sacrificing so much for me. He might understand all I’m feeling. “I felt numb at first … just dead. I think my survival instincts kicked in and that’s all I could do … just survive.”
Adam nods and then he asks, “Was it the fire that brought it all back?”
I think on his question for a moment and then answer, “Partly.” I take a deep breath and say, “River deserves someone who can take care of her. She’s been taking care of all of us. I know she’s got her own pain and I can’t help her work through hers if I don’t deal with my own first. River needs a man and the only way I can be the man she deserves is by burying the past. I want a future with her, a future that’s not clouded by our past.”
A smile tugs at the corner of Adam’s mouth. “I’m so glad to hear that, Jack. I’m glad you want to bury the past and move on. After tomorrow you’ll be able to do just that.”
After the serious conversation we stick to lighter topics. Adam asks me about my love for plants and I ask him about the plantation, the cattle and anything else I can think of. I want to learn everything there is to learn.
The drive is long and we’ve covered three quarters of it when Adam starts to look really tired. We got some snacks at the last gas station. “Why don’t you pull over and take a break? Eat and drink something.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he mutters, and a few miles up he pulls over to the side of the road and he parks the station wagon under a tree. He grabs a sandwich and soda.
“You need to learn how to drive,” he suddenly says.
“Yeah,” I say, wondering how it will feel to be able to drive myself somewhere.
Adam swallows some soda down and then he points to his feet. “That’s the gas and that’s the break. This here is the handbrake.” He points to a stick thingy. “This is the gear shift. The R is for reverse so the car can go backwards. The P is for park, that’s what we’re doing now. The D is for drive, as in going forward.”
I grin at him. “It sounds easy.”
“It is pretty easy once you get the hang of it.” He hands me the empty can and then starts the car.
I watch everything he does as he drives. “Will you teach me how to drive when we get back?”
Adam looks at me and he smiles. “Sure thing.”
~*~
It’s close to midnight when we near Cameron’s estate. My whole body is shaking from the adrenaline pumping through my veins.
Adam stops close enough for us to walk but also far enough away to not draw any attention.
“It’s a fifteen minute walk. We each have three bombs in a backpack. You can’t miss, Jack. We only have six between us to make sure that place burns to the ground. I’ll go around the front and you go around the back. Try and get them inside, it will do more damage faster. But,” Adam takes hold of my shoulder, holding me back, “do not risk getting caught. I can’t come for you. If they get me then you run, Jack. Don’t look back. Just run.”
I want to argue but I know Adam by now, he won’t budge. We each take a backpack. Adam hands me two lighters and checks his own before shoving them in his pocket. I check mine too.
We start to walk to Cameron’s estate, careful not to jar our backpacks.
Cameron’s estate sits at the top of the hill. There are lights on both outside on the grounds and inside the manor. As we get close, Adam pulls a gun from his bag. He catches me staring and explains, “It’s just for safety sake.”
Adam points to a dark corner at the back of the property. “We can get over the wall there. I’ll go first while you hold the bags. Once I’m over you can hand the bags to me and then climb over yourself.”
I’m so glad I asked Adam for help. He’s been so patient with me. He feels like a … friend.
“Thank you,” I say the words in a rush of air.
Adam smiles and then pats my shoulder. “You know you can trust someone if you help each other get rid of the bodies.”