~*~
Chapter One
Birdie~
“You almost ready, Dear?” Mrs. Beasley calls, and it’s soon followed by her distinctive double tap on my door.
“Yeah, you can come in,” I say, sitting on the floor with my back against the base of the bed.
Her eyes take me in with one quick swoop and I don’t miss the the flash of … is it sadness?
“You sure you want to wear a sweater? It’s hot out. I could give you one of my blouses,” she tries again. I love her for it. I know she’s only trying, but I wish she’d let it go. This is what I want to wear. I feel comfortable wearing my sweaters.
“Nope, I’m good,” I mumble, sticking a picture on the page I’m busy with. I have a weird hobby of writing out the lyrics to every song I like and surrounding them with pictures I feel suits them best. Today’s song is What if you by Joshua Radin and I’ve just finished sticking a picture of Cole Trenton next to the lyrics. The song reminds me of him, the guy I’ve had a crush on since the first day I saw him. I took one look at his blue eyes and brown hair, and I was a gonner. He’s the only one that gets it right to stir a happy feeling inside of me.
“Good, let’s go then. We don’t want to keep the people waiting,” Mrs. Beasley says.
I slip the page into a plastic sleeve and place it on my desk before running after her. I hate going with them but there is no way Link will go, so that leaves only me. It’s important for them to come across as a family when they’re doing their weekly visits. I can’t let them down after everything they’ve done for me. They took me in without asking anything in return.
I think it’s selfish of Link to not go with after they took him when his father went to jail for selling drugs. Link was only nine and had nowhere else to go. His momma died when he was still a baby and apparently they couldn’t trace anybody on his momma’s side to take him. That’s how he ended up being taken in by the Beasley’s. It was the same with me. There’s no one left on my momma’s side and I’d rather not think of my father.
Pastor Beasley gives me an encouraging smile as I step out onto the porch. He knows I hate going to these dinners, but he appreciates it.
“Thanks, Kiddo. I owe you one,” he says as we start toward the ‘ole’ wagon’, as we affectionately call it. The only thing keeping the station wagon together is the ton of rust. But it gets us from point A to point B.
“I get to choose the next movie,” I sing as I slip into the backseat.
“It’s a deal,” he says, before I close the door.
I listen to them discussing the upcoming young married couples’ camp as we drive to the other side of town, to where the richer neighborhoods are. Yes, even the rich people invite us over. Everyone loves Pastor Beasley. He’s the heart of Lyman.
My heart starts to pump faster as we turn into Cole’s street and I automatically start to count the houses down until we reach his. When the car starts to slow my tongue feels thick. The ole’ wagon turns up his driveway and I dig my nails into the old material of the seat.
“The Trenton’s? We’re coming to the Trenton’s?” I shriek from the back.
“Yes, but the Mason’s will also be here. You know the boys, don’t you, Dear? Don’t they have some classes with you or Link?” Mrs. Beasley asks, unaware of the mini nervous breakdown I’m having in the backseat.
“They have some classes with Link and Reece. I hardly ever talk to them. I’d rather skip this visit,” I say, almost pleading. It’s one thing to admire Cole at school where we are surrounded by the other kids. It’s a whole ‘nother ball game when I have to be around him with no one to hide behind.
It’s not that I’m scared of being around Cole, not at all. I have one hell of a crush on Cole. I might even love him… I think. Our lockers have been next to each other since I started school and I’ve enjoyed every locker moment we’ve shared. But to spend an evening in his house? That’s borderline suicidal.
“You’ll have fun. The evenings you never plan are the ones you enjoy most,” Pastor Beasley says.
I roll my eyes at his annoying saying. Normally I love his sayings but tonight I hate them. There is no way I’m going to enjoy this. I work hard at being invisible. How on earth am I going to manage that? Maybe I can slip away when no one is watching? Maybe I can offer my help in the kitchen and just stay there? Maybe I can-
The front door opens and an older version of Cole steps out onto the porch. Definitely, his dad.
“Pastor Beasley, thank you so much for comin’,” he says, reaching out his hand.
They laugh and talk, but when I see Cole standing behind his dad, I can’t hear anything above the blood rushing through my ears. I dart back behind the wall. Sucking in deep breaths, I wait for Pastor Beastly and Mrs. Beastly to walk in first. I really don’t have a choice anymore. Everyone has gone inside. I force my feet forward and keeping my head down, I slip inside.
“Hi, Bridget.” Cole brushes past me, numbing every part of my body. He closes the door behind me and the clicking sound brings me crashing down to Mother Earth.
“Hi,” I squeak and it pretty much sounds like I sucked on a balloon filled with helium. Kill me now! Listening for the voices, I follow them until I find them in the living room. I dart to Pastor Beasley’s side and almost fall down beside him. He smiles at me and gives my hand a quick squeeze. Normally it helps to settle my nerves. This time it does nothing.
My eyes follow Cole as he walks by me to where Travis is sitting at a bar area in what looks like an entertainment area. He leans his elbow on the counter and it makes the fabric of the chocolate brown shirt he’s wearing stretch across his chest. It complements his tanned complexion. My eyes drift back up to his face and when my eyes meet his, a blush creeps up my neck.
Way to go, Bridget. Why not just drool next time while you’re at it?! His icy blue eyes don’t look away from mine and Pastor Beasley has to nudge me to get my attention.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tearing my eyes away from Cole.
“Mrs. Trenton is talkin’, Dear,” Pastor Beasley fills me in on what I’ve been missing while openly day dreaming over Cole.
“I was sayin’ that you’ve become quite the beauty,” Mrs. Trenton says, and that seals my embarrassment for the evening. I’m officially dying.
“Thank you,” I murmur. Looking for Pastor Beasley’s hand, I grab hold with no intention of letting go. Right now I need his strength, all of it.
“You were such a tiny thing when you came to Lyman,” Mrs. Mason says, and my heart starts to beat faster. Pastor Beasley tightens his hold on my hand and starts rubbing slow circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. It helps to give me something else to concentrate on. “At least you got some height over the years.”
I can’t bring myself to smile, or look up again. I’m spiraling from embarrassment straight into a pit of mortification.
“You seem to have settled in well, and Link as well,” Mrs. Mason goes on, as if it’s okay to discuss these things every day. It’s private. It’s our lives, and no I haven’t settled in okay. I want her to stop because every word is a stab at my fragile heart.
“Pastor Beasley, I just want to let you know how grateful we are for what you are doing for the boys,” Mr. Mason says. My shoulders sag with relief, glad that they’re stepping of the topic of my personal life.
“Of course,” Pastor Beasley says. It feels as if everything is settling around us. “It’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do for any of the other kids.”
“You’re really a pillar of this community,” Mr. Trenton goes on. “If you have any problems with Trevor Liles again you just say the word and I’ll sort him out.”
My world stops at hearing my father’s name. Trevor Liles. I haven’t heard that name in almost five years. My blood starts to pulse fast and hard through my veins, and I don’t know how my legs move but I manage to get up and make them move. With every step I take my breathing speeds up, taking me a breath closer to a dreadful panic attack.