“Sorry, I got carried away,” he whispers against my lips. He looks so hot right now with his fuck-me-eyes and I’ve-just-been-kissed-lips. Dammit!
“Where are we?”
“Your house. The drive way. I should get you inside,” he says, and he gives me a smile that says we are going to continue this once we are inside.
I slide out from under him and fumble with the door as I try to open it. Cole chuckles and pressing against me, he opens the door. He rubs his body against mine as he gets out first and then taking hold of my hips, he lifts me out. He hugs me to his hard chest and smelling his musky scent almost puts me in a Cole Trenton induced coma.
“You look better,” he says, not sounding worried anymore.
“You kissed me to make me look better?” I ask, feeling confused about what just happened. Actually the whole night is just one big confused mess!
“I kissed you because you were lookin’ at me as if you wanted to kiss me. Was I wrong to think that?” Wow, talk about being direct.
“Can’t stop you from thinking what you want,” I say. “I’m gonna go in. Thank you for driving me home. I really appreciate it.” When it looks like Cole is going to argue I quickly add, “It’s been a really long day and I’d rather just go to bed. Thanks again.”
I run to my window and when I’m safely in my room, I sigh with relief.
~*~
“She called me a C-U-Next-Tuesday!” Reece huffs the words out, adamant not to repeat what Brooke called her on the way home from the store. Those two have hated each other since I came here five years ago, and I still don’t know why. Guess they’re natural born enemies.
“I’m not goin’, Link! Why would I want to go to a bonfire where that girl will be at? I’d rather have a nice evenin’ at home with y’all. We can watch a movie. Brooke is out for my blood and goin’ there will only give that bitch another chance to bully me. No thank you!” To make her point she drops down on one of the plush couches.
She’s more at home here than at her own home, but then so is anybody that comes here. Pastor Beasley is just that kind of person. Anybody is welcome to come and go as they please, and he is always available to lend a helping hand. The whole town knows they can turn to him whenever they need someone. He took me in without hesitation and no matter how dark my past, he hasn’t asked about it once. He only offered me his guidance and strength.
Link has been harping on going to this party for the past week and I don’t see him backing down now. Cole Trenton’s parents opened their theme park in Duncan for this party. Everyone who is everyone will be there. It’s perfect for a farewell get together before we all go our separate ways. Our senior year is over and it’s just another excuse to make out, and get drunk if you want my opinion. I’ve heard the rumors after every party about who did what with whom, and I’m in no hurry to see it for myself.
I hold my breath waiting for Link’s response. He clenches his jaw tightly, scowling down at Reece. When he fists his hands the movement catches my eyes.
“We hardly ever go to any parties. One time!” He holds up one finger, hulking over her with his lean body. Reece presses back into the couch, her eyes pretty much as wide as mine. “Fuck woman, stop thinkin’ of yourself and do this for me!”
My heart is slamming so hard against my ribs so I can only imagine how poor Reece must be feeling. My eyes jump between them, and then to the kitchen door. I wish Pastor Beasley was here, but he’s out with the newly married couples tonight.
“You don’t have to cuss, Link,” Reece whispers. They’ve been best friends since Link came to live here. This is the first time he’s ever raised his voice at Reece. “We’ll go get ready.” She shoves up from the couch and runs past me to my room. I watch Link’s shoulders drop and it’s times like this I have to wonder if there isn’t something more between them.
“I’ll go check on her,” I say, just to say something. I don’t have to get ready. Dressed in my jeans, black tank and navy sweater I won’t be changing and they know it. This is me and I wear similar clothes every day.
One of the teachers once said you can’t decorate a flopped cake. Since then I’ve worn only dark colors, and the long sleeves to cover my scars. If you don’t stand out, it’s easier to be invisible and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.
“Thanks, Birdie,” he mumbles, dropping down into the same spot Reece was just sitting in.
Reece swipes the strawberry lipgloss over her lips as I walk into my room, and then holds it out to me. We get ready in silence for a few minutes. I watch Reece putting on mascara and as she hands me the stick, I meet her soft blue eyes in the mirror’s reflection.
“You okay?” I ask, offering her an encouraging smile. I love Link but I’m closer to Reece. We are a lot alike. We can spend hours together without having to entertain each other, just walking around, or reading. We just love being around each other. We have that kind of friendship where you don’t need to say a word to communicate. One look and I know what she’s trying to tell me.
She shrugs and her eyes flick sadly to mine. We stare at each other for a while, neither wanting to say it out loud. Link has being changing during our senior year, getting restless and short-tempered.
“We don’t want to upset him,” she eventually sighs, reaching for some deodorant.
“Are you going to swim?” I ask to take her mind of the fight.
“No, if you don’t swim I don’t swim,” she says, throwing the lipgloss into her bag.
“Reece,” I wait for her to look up. I hate when she does things like this, avoid things because I don’t do them, “please swim. Just because I don’t swim it doesn’t mean you don’t have to.”
She gives me her pleading look, the one asking me to tell her why I don’t swim, why I’m scared of the dark, why I am the way I am.
When she gives me the look she’s giving me now, I don’t hold her gaze. Call me a coward, but it’s only been seven years since I’ve stepped out of the darkness, and it’s still too soon to deal with my life before Lyman. When I try to think of that life the darkness is always waiting, ready to suffocate me, to suck me right back in. The anxiety squeezes the air from my lungs, building until it takes on different shades black, pulling me under until there is nothing left of me but the skeleton, the terror.
“Let get this party going!” Link calls out, sounding cheerful again.
Reece gets up freeing me from her pleading gaze. It’s a small relief, but it’s opened the can of worms. Tonight is going to suck, I just know it!
The theme park is also part water world, and that is where the party will be. Water and darkness; two things I fear with an ungodly fear. Facing only one of those at a time is terrifying enough, but both at the same time? You have got to be shitting me! It’s going to be hell. My stomach jolts as the realization hits that I have to face those frightening fears at a party where every single person I’ve tried to avoid will be. Cole Trenton will be there!
Oh God, please don’t let me have a panic attack. Not tonight.
Two days after I moved to Lyman I had a panic attack. Link didn’t know I was in the kitchen when he put the light off. I thought I was going to die. It was the first panic attack where I passed out. The year after the police found me I had minor ones up until that big one. I woke up in bed, still feeling scared and confused, but Pastor Beasley was there holding my hand. It’s all he did for a while, and then he told me the story about the pebbles. He said life is full of pebbles. You pick up pebbles along the way; some might be smooth, some rough around the edges - it doesn’t matter what they look like – it only matters what you do with them. Pastor Beasley believes we all throw our pebbles into the same lake and the ripples we make affect the ripples of other people. Some people’s pebbles skid over the water and they have a smooth life. Other people’s pebbles sink, and they don’t get to live that long. Then there are those – like ours, he says we have to ride the ripples together and nudge each other’s ripples along, safely to the other side of the shore.