Holy shit. I couldn’t believe it. I was getting the same damn lecture from the one person I thought I would be able to talk to. I threw my hands in my hair and started to walk down toward the barn. I needed to get away.
“Jeff, hold up, dude. Talk to me,” Gunner said as he came up behind me.
“What do you want me to say, Gun? I’m losing my goddamn mind. I thought, out of all people, you wouldn’t be the one jumping down my throat because Ari is hurting. What about me? How the fuck do you think I feel? I don’t want to have a baby with Rebecca. I want to have a baby with Ari and only Ari. I’m being pulled in two different directions. If this baby is mine, I’m not walking out on it like my good-for-nothing father did. I want to be here for him, even if Rebecca is the mother. I don’t know how to make Ari understand that. I don’t know how to take away her pain, Gunner. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her from hurting. I just seem to be making it worse. Rebecca isn’t helping with her needy-ass self either.”
Gunner sat down on a hay bale and looked up at me. “Jeff, have you told Ari all of that?”
I sat down on the bale next to him and put my head in my hands. “No, not in those exact words.”
“Well fuck, dude. Don’t you think it would help her to understand your need to jump when Rebecca says how high? You owe her the truth, Jeff. If you don’t tell her, she’s just going to just keep thinking the worst. Right now, to her, you are putting Rebecca above her. It needs to be Ari first. Find out if this baby is even yours. If he is, then be the best damn Dad you can be. Just remember who your world is right now, dude.”
I lifted my head and looked at Gunner. I knew he was right.
“What the hell, dude? Marriage made you smarter.”
Gunner started to laugh. “Something like that.”
“I’m sorry your honeymoon got cut short. How’s your dad?”
Gunner’s smile faded some.
“When we landed, I talked to my mom, and she said that he’s doing better. It was a mild heart attack, but she said it scared the shit out of him. I still can’t believe that she talked him into coming here. Gramps and Grams are celebrating their fiftieth anniversary in a couple of weeks. I know Grams is really excited about her boy being here. They were already planning on a big party, but now, I think it just turned into something bigger.”
“That’s good, Gunner. How was your honeymoon? Did y’all have fun?”
The smile that lit up Gunner’s face was so infectious. I had to smile back at him.
“It was amazing. I never in my life thought that I would be as happy as I am with Ellie. We had a blast. Did you know that she is deathly afraid to swim in the ocean?” Gunner said with a laugh.
I laughed with him shaking my head. “I thought she would be okay with it since the water is so clear. She won’t swim if she can’t see in the water.”
Gunner nodded his head and then looked at me. His smile faded as he glanced down at the ground.
“Jeff, I’m sorry this shit is happening with you and Ari. I really want y’all to just be happy. I really think you need to talk to Ari and help her understand the position you are in. I’ve never seen Ari so emotional, and it really freaked out Ellie. She told me that since she’s known Ari, she has never seen her cry that much. Grams ended up taking Ari to her bedroom.
“Fuck. She’s been so emotional the last two weeks. I really fucked up when I told her she was being a bitch about it.”
“Oh, holy shit, Jeff.” Gunner pushed his hands through his hair as he stood up. He started to walk toward Big Roy’s stall. “Dude, you need to stop blaming this on Ari. Man up, asshole, and go talk to her before something else happens. If you keep your feelings in, Jeff…you’re gonna lose her. I’m pretty sure that if you do lose her again, you might not have another chance at getting her back.”
I grabbed a handful of oats and walked up next to Gunner. I knew he was right. I needed to talk to Ari, and I needed to do it soon.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ARI
It felt so damn good to just cry. I hadn’t wanted to fall apart in front of Gunner because I knew he would tell Jeff, but I couldn’t help myself. What the fuck is wrong with me? This whole Rebecca pregnancy thing was really throwing me for a loop. Emma brought me into her room, so we could be alone.
After I got my crying fit over and done with, I looked up at Emma, who was just sitting there, waiting for me to get my shit together.
“Ari, honey, I need to ask you something.”
“Of course Emma, ask me anything.” I said, trying to give her a smile.
“Arianna, are you pregnant?”
What the hell? Holy shit, where did that come from?
I had to laugh. “No, Emma. Rebecca is the one who was is pregnant.” I said as I looked down at my stomach. Wait. When was the last time I had my period? Holy fuck! I didn’t get it last month, but I thought that was just from the stress of Ellie’s wedding and thinking about Jeff asking me to marry him. I’m on the pill. I can’t be pregnant. Oh. My. God. I missed a few pills a month or so back.
I snapped my head back up at Emma. She was smiling at me like she knew already. Her powers seemed to know no bounds.
I gasped. “Oh. My. God.”
“Ari, I need you and the girls to go into town.”
“What for? Why now? Emma! You can’t plant that seed in my head and then expect me to just go buy you butter in town for Christ’s sake!”
Emma started to laugh as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, holding me close.
“Ari, the moment you stepped out of that truck today, I knew. You have a glow about you, darlin’. Your skin looks beautiful. The fact that you are so emotional is another dead giveaway. I need you, Ellie, and Heather to go into town and buy a pregnancy test.”
Holy hell! My head was spinning. Just then, there was a knock on the door. Emma called out for whomever it was to come in. The door opened, and it was Jeff. Oh shit. I looked at Emma with a pleading look in my eyes. She smiled at me and nodded her head.
Standing up, Emma said, “I’ll leave you two to talk.”
As she walked out the door, she gave me one last look with a smile. I tried to smile back, but now, my whole body was shaking. I looked at Jeff. No, this is not happening. I still needed to be tested for the Fragile X gene. I couldn’t even think straight. How will Jeff feel about me being pregnant?
“Ari, baby, we need to talk.” Sitting down next to me, Jeff ran his hands through his hair and down his face. He was clearly frustrated.
His cell phone started ringing. That was weird because it was so damn hard to get a signal out here. He pulled it out, and I saw Rebecca’s name on the screen. I instantly felt sick. I stood up to leave but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.
“Damn it, Ari! Please stop running away from me.” Jeff sent the call to voice mail and tossed his phone behind him onto the bed.
“I’m not running Jeff. I just don’t want to be in the same room when you talk to her.”
“Well, I’m talking to you, not her. I need you to understand something, Ari. You need to know the reason why I feel the need to be there for Rebecca.”
I started to laugh. “I didn’t realize you had a need to be there for her, Jeff. I thought you were doing it for the baby, and that’s all,” I said with as much sarcasm as I could.
“That’s not what I meant, Ari. I’m not there for her. I’m there for this baby. I don’t want to start off being a dead-beat father by not being there for this baby. I don’t want to be like my dad.”
“I get that, Jeff. I really do. But you don’t even know if this baby is yours! I mean, you drop everything for her, and it always turns out to be some excuse just for her to get you to be with her. The baby isn’t even born yet! What’s it going to be like when it is born?”
“When he is.”
“What?”
“The baby....you said it. It’s a boy, so I was just saying when he is born.”