“Well, I am. It’s pretty clear to me, Ari, that he’s not ever going to change. I mean, he was making out with me when he’d, just sent Lynda a message about hooking up with her! What does that say about him?
“Maybe he was frustrated, trying to move on, but he did it in all the wrong ways.”
“Are you taking his side?”
“No! I’m not taking anyone’s side, Heather. I’m just saying that he’s a guy. They don’t think with their heads; they think with their dicks. I don’t doubt that Josh cares about you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He would do anything for you, you know that right?”
Heather’s eyes started to tear up. “I can’t trust him, Ari. As much as I try, I just can’t trust him. What is it about me that would make him settle for just one girl? I mean, look at him!”
“What? Heather, oh my god, girl, look in a damn mirror. You are beautiful. You have a rocking body, tits I would kill for, an ass that Ellie wants more than anything, and your personality is beyond amazing. Josh would be lucky to have you, and he knows that. Why are you selling yourself short?”
“I just can’t. I can’t open up my heart up to have him leave me. I can’t be left again, Ari. I can’t and I won’t allow that to happen.” Heather’s whole body started to shake.
Oh my god, she is so not over her parents’ death. She’s nowhere near it.
“Heather, what makes you think he’s going to leave you, baby?”
“Everyone leaves me. My parents left me. I needed them more than anything, and they just left me alone. I can’t do that again. He’s going to leave me, Ari. He won’t be faithful.”
Heather lost it and started crying. I’d never seen her cry so hard. I tried to get up and hug her, but the pain that shot through my side just about made me fall.
Then, I heard Ellie let out a gasp.
“Ari, don’t move! Heather, oh my god, sweets. What’s wrong?”
Ellie came rushing over to my side and helped me back into a sitting position on the bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Heather. It was like she was having a breakdown. Finally, she’s letting out the pain and hurt from her parents’ death.
“Just go help Heather, Ells, I’m fine.”
Ellie walked over and dropped to her knees in front of Heather and hugged her. I didn’t think it was possible, but Heather cried even harder. My heart was breaking. She was so afraid of being left again that, she wouldn’t open her heart to the one man who loved her.
Ellie rubbed her back. “It’s okay, baby. Just let it out, Heather. It’s okay.”
“I can’t do this, Ellie! I can’t do this alone anymore. They left me. Oh my god, they left me alone.”
Ellie looked over at me and I could see the tears rolling down her face. I tried to fight the tears, but I felt them stinging my eyes. Heather had been trying to be so brave for so long. It broke my heart to realize that she’d been feeling like this for over a year.
I looked up and saw Jeff and Josh standing in the bedroom doorway.
Heather just kept repeating herself over and over again. “They left me. They left me alone.”
Josh looked like he was about to get sick. He started to walk toward her, but Jeff grabbed his arm,pulling him away.
“Princess, what’s wrong?”
Oh shit. The moment Josh called her princess, Ellie and I glanced at each other. Heather looked up at him. I thought she was going to lash out at him. Instead, she broke down, crying again, as she got up and ran into Josh’s arms.
What the hell?
Josh looked just as confused as the rest of us. He held on to her. “What’s wrong? he kept asking.
She pulled away from him and took a few steps back.
“I’ll always love you, Josh, but…I just can’t do this.”
She brushed past him as she went out the door. Josh just stood there for a few seconds before he finally snapped out of it. He turned and ran after her.
Ellie got up and walked over to my side. She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.
“You okay, baby? Do you need to talk?”
If one more person asks me that, I’m going to throw something big and heavy at his or her ass.
“Really, I’m fine. I think I just need to take a nap.” I looked over at Jeff and smiled.
Ellie gently hugged me good-bye. “Okay. Um, Grace said she made some stuff for dinner. I guess I’ll go see if Heather is okay. I love you, Ari. Call me if you need anything okay?”
She walked over to Jeff.
“Are you okay, Jefferson?”
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. He didn’t even look at Ellie when he shook his head. My heart broke. I could see the tears building in his eyes, and I knew he was blaming himself. A part of me blamed his as well, but I was trying so hard to push it down.
Jeff smiled at me and then turned to Ellie. “Ellie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Then, he followed Ellie out of the room.
I closed my eyes as the tears rolled down my face. I slowly moved onto my side and grabbed a pillow to hug.
You left us. You left us, sweet baby.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
JOSH
My heart felt like someone had just reached in and ripped it out. Why is Heather so upset? We had been arguing right before Jeff and Ari had shown up, but she had seemed to be more pissed-off than upset.
I followed her to the room she was staying in. She pulled out her bag and started to pack up her stuff.
“I thought you were planning on staying? What about Ari?”
Heather looked up at me, and it felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach. Tears were just rolling down her face. Holy shit.
I took a few steps toward her until she held up her hand.
“Stop. Please don’t come any closer to me. I don’t think I have the strength to push you away right now.”
“Then, don’t. Heather I don’t understand this. One minute, you say you want me, and the next, you push me away. You tell me you love me, but then you push me away again. Why are you doing this?”
“I can’t do this right now. I just need to… I just need to get away from here… from you.”
“What the fuck did I do? I can’t fix it, Heather, if you don’t tell me what I did.”
Heather stopped packing and looked up at me. “That’s the problem, Josh. You can’t fix it. I think it’s best if we both just move on. There can never be anything between us. You can never be with just one girl, let alone me. Come on, we both know that’s true.”
“You won’t even give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you and how much I just want to be with you. Heather, I don’t want any other girl. You’re the only girl…woman… I’ve ever wanted, and the only woman I’ll ever want. Princess, please just let me.”
“Oh my god, please stop! No! It’ll never work, so we need to just stop this now. I don’t want to be with you. I said I love you, and I do, but...I don’t think you are.”
“You don’t think I’m what?”
Heather took a deep breath and turned away from me.
“I don’t think you’re the one.”
I just stood there, rejected again. How many times am I going to do this to myself? How many times is she going to hurt me?
Just then, my phone beeped. I took it out and looked at it. There were three text messages from Lynda.
“Fine, Heather. I’m done being turned down and pushed away by you. If you want me to leave you alone, you got it.”
I turned and started to walk out the door as I hit Lynda’s number.
“Josh, please can we still be friends?”
I turned back and looked at her. My heart was hurting so bad that I couldn’t even talk to her. I just stood there with my phone up to my ear. I knew the moment Lynda answered, I was about to break Heather’s heart, but maybe this was what I needed to do. She wanted us both to move on.