“Your shirt is open and your tie looks like someone was trying to hang you.”
“Honey they were, they were.”
“Who were.”
“Nobody was, it’s a figure of speech.”
“I’ve been waiting eighteen minutes with men ogling me. And this is how you show up. Everyone staring at you. And laughing.”
“O christ, hey Jesus, let me sit down. And get the fuck out of sight, then.”
Three swarthy gentlemen encouched nearby licking their lips. Staring at Pricilla, then at Schultz and then at each other. China tea with lemon served by a tail coated solicitous waiter as Schultz put his own tail coated back snugly out of sight into the cushions. Pricilla selecting a watercress and cucumber sandwich followed by one of smoked salmon and then two pastries surmounted with whipped cream and stuffed with jams.
“O.K. honey. Now how do we solve this.”
“Solve, what do you mean solve.”
“I mean you know, solve.”
“I’m not a crossword puzzle.”
“O Jesus, look, come on, all I’m looking for is a sensible solution.”
“That’s your problem.”
“Well, would you like to, say go to stay in Monte Carlo or something. I mean take three weeks or a month. I can get in touch with medical treatment here in London. Then you could convalesce, like I say, in Monte Carlo. Even bring your brother. Watch the yachts come and go in the harbour.”
“What are you suggesting.”
“Nothing. I’m just saying. Everything could be taken care of. At my expense. I’ll pay.”
“You’ll pay.”
“Sure I’ll pay, no problem.”
“What are you going to pay for.”
“Come on honey, you know what I’m talking about for christ’s sake.”
“I do not know what you’re talking about.”
“Come on, don’t make me say it, I got too much on my mind already.”
“Well you’re going to get more on your mind. More than you ever dreamed was possible.”
“Hey Jesus, it’s a simple operation.”
“What is.”
“To terminate. To terminate a pregnancy.”
“So that’s it. You want me to kill my baby.” “Jesus, keep your voice down for christ’s sake. People can hear.”
“Kill my baby. Is that what you’re telling me to do.”
“I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m merely mentioning. Holy cow. Out of the frying pan and right smack into fucking burning embers.”
“What do you mean by that.”
“Nothing honey. It’s just that I recently escaped out of a horrendously difficult business conference and my mind’s not calmed down yet enough to think straight.”
“Your mind had better start thinking straight in a quick damn hurry I’m telling you.”
“Jesus and I’m telling you not so loud will you, they know me in this place.”
“That’s tough.”
“What the fuck do you want out of me. Jesus I’m bulging out at the temples with troubles.”
“My stomach is bulging.”
“Holy shit don’t start with the tears now too on top of everything. I’m only just emerging from horrorsville. A simple operation that’s all. It would clear everything up. O Jesus come on honey, have mercy will you. Have mercy.”
The tea cup, spoon and saucer in Pricilla’s hand fell splashing into her lap as her head fell backwards and her mouth opened with a groan. The three swarthy gentlemen straightening up in their seats as Schultz leaned forward trying to straighten up this fainted lady.
“Honey, please, please, don’t do this.”
Nearby conversation stilled. Folk turning to look. The three swarthy gentlemen to their feet. Their gold adorned wrists and diamond ringed fingers reaching to assist this lady in distress.
“No help needed. Come on, don’t make a big thing of this. Don’t touch her.”
“As gentlemen we must be of assistance to the lady. We think sir that you have insulted her.”
“Mind your own god damn business will you. Before you get your jaws broken.”
Schultz standing, two fists knotted at his sides. The solicitous expert waiter propping Pricilla’s head up and putting a glass of water to her lips. Her eyes opening wide.
“Where am I. Where am I.”
“At the Dorchester, Madam.”
“Yeah, you’re right here, honey. You’re right here.”
Schultz made his way leading a weeping Pricilla by the elbow across a blazingly colorful carpet. Stopping while a helpful passing concierge picked up his dropped battered top hat from the black and white tiles of the lobby floor. To hand it back to Schultz entering the revolving door. The doorman waving for Schultz’s car parked up on the curb alongside the triangular little garden and lawns with their goldfish pools. Schultz stepping forward on the hotel’s top step, and suddenly yanked back in his tracks. Half his tail coat pulled off down his arm. The other end caught jammed behind in the revolving door. A fur encased fat American lady stuck screaming and fist pounding the other side of the glass.
“Let me out, let me out.”
“What next, christ almighty, what next. There’s some kind of world fucking conspiracy after me. Holy shit, stop lady stop trying to move the doors, will you. You’re dragging me back in.”
“I want out. I want out.”
A detachment of porters rushing to the rescue. The revolving doors reversed and Schultz’s coattail released. A chair was brought to the furry fat American lady for her arse and a glass of water for her nerves. Schultz draping half of his collar attached tail coat over his shirt sleeved arm. The doorman holding open the car door. And Schultz as he bent his head to enter looked up. Pricilla her long curvaceous legs crossed, safely ensconced. A smile now instead of tears on her face.
“That’s what makes you really happy isn’t it honey, anything that makes me look ridiculous.”
The limousine, its tyres whirring around Speakers Corner. Black man up on a ladder slapping his fist on a sign haranging down at a little crowd. Always somebody somewhere complaining.
“Why wasn’t I invited to the wedding.”
“Because honey, it’s just me who is the guy’s friend. And honey for the third time. I’m telling you we can’t go to Arabesque Street.”
“Why.”
“Because we can’t that’s why.”
“Because you have some floozie installed, is that why.”
“No honey, because from the times you’ve been there, the fights, the ambulances, and the damage you done, I’m being sued already for eviction by the landlords trying to make a case out of moral turpitude.”
“I’m not going to damage anything.”
“Holy mackerel. I got a dozen phone calls to make upon which my life depends. Don’t be unreasonable. For just tonight. Let me take you home.”
The blocks of flats, the tall terraces of once upon a time town houses and cream walled hotels facing the park along Bayswater Road. A pub with outdoor tables. A church so peaceful with its tall steeple sitting in a little square. Nothing like a Protestant house of worship in which to take a few minutes’ private sanctuary. I ought to go disappear somewhere in this part of town. Just have a little room. A pot to cook in, one to piss in and a hole maybe in a brass monkey to fuck in.
“My mother’s so right about you. That you’re like a child thinking only of itself. And what you’ve done to me. The cruelty.”
“Done, what for christ’s sake. Cruelty. What are you talking about.”
“Yes. Cruelty. You’re going to drag my name through the Courts.”
“Holy Jesus honey, don’t you get it. If you do something like suing me I’m the defendant. I’m the one with the name dragged through the Courts.”
“And you’ll deserve it.”
“Honey goodbye. Here’s your house.”
“I love you. Don’t you understand that. I love you.”