“Agnes. I smell something, like tomcat or something.”
“I don’t smell anything.”
“Well I do.”
“A cat might have got in during the night. In the window.”
“How could a cat climb up three floors up the side of the building.”
“The drain pipe.”
“What’s this.”
“What’s what.”
“This Agnes.”
“That.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think it’s anything is it.”
“It’s a man’s sock. And this is a shoe. I think I am entitled to an explanation. Well.”
“Honestly, really honestly, Pricilla, I just woke up.”
Holy Jesus, my whole life is passing in front of my eyes, come on honey make it sound more convincing. Or else this could be the third situation of major mayhem in this house. Just like the psalm singing girl I invited in off the street. There she was playing in the band, pink skinned wearing glasses early one Sunday morning. In her little dark green straw bonnet with its big bow. Singing that old rugged cross. Coloured ribbons on her tambourine. Watching her through the curtain, every time she opened her mouth I wanted to shove my prick between her beautiful teeth. Then shit ten minutes later when I thought they were gone, the bell rang. And there she was standing in front of me at the door collecting donations. I said step in. Don’t mind my kimono. A big flower on her collar and purple epaulettes. After giving her two ten shilling notes one after the other I listened for five minutes to her shit trying to convert me. Praise my soul the king of heaven. She made her decision to consecrate herself. To god who is wonderful. I have promised to serve him to the end. Under my breath I said for Jesus’ sake honey serve me a piece of ass. She said she’d found peace. Plus plenty tranquility and rich fellowship through the blessing of the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus I don’t know how I did it. And I don’t think she knew what I was doing. But I said take my mace, honey. In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost. I had her on her back, drawers down, green dress up, legs open fucking her right there on the carpet downstairs in the front hall. With her tambourine and collecting tin lying next to her. When a bunch of the fucking rest of the choir came all at once looking for her right to my door. Jesus what a battle that was. In and out the hall, up and down on my stoop. In the middle of screwing she said divine and human nature is combined in god, the governor of all things. Blood and fire she said. Crossed swords. Snakes around our cross. Every word she said, now I believe. And only hope her religion will forgive me.
“Where is he.”
“Where’s who.”
“My husband, this is his shoe.”
“How can you be sure, Pricilla.”
“It’s his shoe. That’s how I can be sure.”
“Honestly I don’t know where your husband is Pricilla. It must have just got left here somehow.”
“That’s not all that’s just got left here. His smell is here. The smell of his sperm.”
“That’s the candle you’re smelling.”
“This is a beeswax candle. I know what my husband’s sperm smells like.”
“Well I’m sure that you do, Pricilla. But I don’t. And I wouldn’t want to know. Please Pricilla, can’t you just go back to bed. You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.”
“Don’t tell me what to do in my house.”
“Pricilla, god, I’m not telling you.”
“And what’s this. Over here. Look at this. This is his tie, he wore tonight to the opening.”
“It couldn’t be. It’s my boyfriend’s.”
“You liar you came here to escape your boyfriend. And I let you into my house. This is his tie clip. Initials S.F.S. Is this your boyfriend’s. Is it. You fucking betraying treacherous bitch.”
Pricilla rushing forward. The candle on the dresser toppling over and falling to the floor. Two bodies bouncing on the mattress over Schultz’s head. Screams and scratching. Holy jeeze. Here we go folks. I wish the fuck this didn’t have to happen. Thank god the candle’s just gone out. With what’s going to happen now, any darkness is merciful.
“I’ll kill you, you slut.”
“Get off me.”
“I’ll kill you.”
Dust and debris dropping down into Schultz’s face. Jeeze. I’m choked. This fucking house. I once called a home. I lived in decently and civilized as a respectable occupant once. Holy god. Pricilla’s going to ruin that beautiful piece of ass. Christ, who knows maybe this should be flattering to my ego.
“I’ll tear your tits off you cunt. You cunt.”
Schultz pulled his shirt over his face as more dust puffed down. They’re murdering each other. Fond du mots. Grunting, thumping, screaming and groaning. Am I a dumb bastard. Momma meeo. What a dumb bastard I am. What the fuck is it I can’t do things in the right sequence. If ever guidance and flexuosity was needed in my life, it’s. now. Greta and Roxana’s fight turned into the greatest bout of screwing. But these two are never ever going to love each other again.
“Pricilla, stop, stop. O god. My face. My face.”
“Teach you a lesson you dirty slut.”
Grunts, groans, and curses turning to choking croaks. O Jesus one of them is giving out last gasps. Somebody’s hands are around somebody’s throat. Got to make an appearance now. Even stark fucking naked. To save lives. God gives me for every little sprinkle of pleasure, a deluge of horror. Never did I know how well off I was two hours ago behind bars in jail.
Schultz squirming out. Crawling on hands and knees, entangled in a piece of underwear torn pulling it on. An arm through where it should have been a leg. And a leg wound in the lamp cord. A crash of white pottery. There goes another light out forever. Just rip everything off. Jesus where am I. I’ve been hit already. I wish I was miles away.
“There he is you bitch, the fucking bastard. Hiding under the bed. You hussy.”
Pricilla kneeling astride Agnes. Her hand pressed down squeezed around her throat. Holy shit, got to hold this tiger. Who came into my life like she wouldn’t hurt a moth.
“Let go of her. You’re killing her. Let go for christ’s sake.”
“Shut up you.”
Schultz tearing at the fingers. Shit suddenly she’s got the fucking strength of a stevedore. When at any other time she could have fainted, now she’s wide awake alive like a maniac. When here’s something for her to faint about. When it would make everybody happy. Instead she erupts like an insane volcano.
“You’re killing her for christ’s sake. Let go.”
Schultz hauling back and releasing a left hook slapping Pricilla’s jaw. Holy jeeze. Like hitting fucking granite wall all of a sudden. Hey what’s this.
Light coming in the door. O no. Please Jesus. Not that. Not the fucking walrus behemoth whale. Tits heaving like ocean waves. Three candles blazing on her ice breaking bow.
“What’s going on in here.”
Mrs. Prune in a black satin nightdress pushing her plate of candles on the dresser. Three flames flickering in the mirror. Shadows on the wall. The imitation crystal ceiling chandelier tinkling as the weight of the behemoth vibrated the floor and window panes.
“It’s you again. Striking my daughter. You beast. Being arrested doesn’t teach you a lesson.”
“Fuck you madam, there’s a killing going on here.”