I pull up at the hospital and my nerves are so bad I can feel my hands shaking against the wheel. I can't find a fucking parking spot. I finally give up and pull under the emergency room entrance and throw the car in park. I climb out and run towards the entrance. My heart's beating out of my chest and I'm worrying out of my mind about whether or not Nan is okay. Walking into the hospital, I see people everywhere; nurses, doctors, patients, children, but not a familiar face. I jog over to the nurse’s station, "Yes ma'am I'm here to see my grandmother. I got a call that she was here, which floor is she on?" I can hear the panic in my own voice. She looks at me sympathetically, her eyes holding sadness instead of the hope I'm so desperately wanting to see.
"Are you Ember, sweetie?" She asks, taking my arm and guiding me to the patient waiting room. It worries me even more knowing that she was told to wait on me. Why would they do that?
"Yes, I tried to get here as quick as I could, there was no parking so I just parked under the emergency room entrance…" I'm rambling because I'm scared. "Can someone please just tell me what's going on? I need to see her, or speak with her. Which room is she in?"
The nurse, who I see is named Mary, guides me into the plump leather chair in the waiting area. "Just wait right here baby girl. I'll have a doctor come to you just as soon as I can okay?" She give me one last sympathetic look, pats my arm and walks off towards triage. I see her scan her badge and disappear through the automatic doors. The magnitude of it all comes crashing down as I find myself sitting here alone and Nan is somewhere in pain. I feel helpless and scared. I hear the doors open and a man wearing a white lab coat strolls through. He walks towards me and my heart drops to my stomach.
“Ember?” He asks
“Yes, I’m Ember. Are you the doctor who called?” I need to know what’s going on. My nails are chewed to shreds from my nerves.
“Yeah, sweetie. Ember, your Nan had a heart attack. I’m not sure exactly what happened. She was with her friends down at the community center and she collapsed. They called the ambulance and we got there as soon as we could. I did everything I could Ember. I tried very hard to save her.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, I feel my body go weak, and my vision gets hazy. I feel myself falling from the chair towards the cold hospital floor below me.
“Ember, Ember…?” Nan is my last thought before the darkness takes me.
They say that pain makes a person who they are. It helps to shape them into someone strong, someone who can withstand the forces that get thrown their way. Pain is inevitable. It’s something we don’t have control over. We can’t choose who hurts us. We can’t choose the events that bring the pain into our life. We only hope that we can shape the unfortunate, sad, painful things that happen to us into something better. We hope that we can make the best out of the shitty hands of cards that we get dealt. We can learn, we can grow, and we can make changes for the future. We can use those moments of pain and make lessons out of them.
It feels like a dream. I feel myself trying to come to, trying to enter the land of the living again. I can feel the strong arms surrounding me, holding my weightless body tight. I smell the masculine scent that’s so familiar to me. I hear the voices around me, the bustle of life continuing to move on. Cracking open my eyes, I see the one face I know will be my saving grace. Hale looks down at me, his big brown eyes filled with tears, red and swollen from the ones he has already shed. I know what he's crying for; I know it wasn't a dream and Nan is really gone.
Hale
I was pulling up the old, rotten boards in the kitchen when I heard my phone ring. It’s a little piece of shit flip phone I picked up on the way back into town. Only a handful of people actually had the number, so when I heard it ring I halted, mid hammer. Dropping the hammer to the floor, I rushed over to the table and pick it up, answering in one motion, "Yeah?"
"Hale its Blayr. Nan's at the hospital, they called Ember and she's on the way there. I have a flat tire, I'm on the side of the road and Nash is coming to get me. I just didn't know who else to call... I know she would want you-"
Cutting her off, I say, "I'm leaving now. I can be there in ten." Pressing end, I toss the phone on the table and sprint up the stairs. I throw different clothes on that probably aren’t even clean, and head downstairs and collect my wallet, phone and keys as I go. Fuck turning off the lights and locking up, I know Deacon will keep an eye out and I have to get to Em. She can't face this alone. I make it to the hospital in four minutes instead of seven and probably breaking every speed limit law in the state. I find a parking spot as close to the front as I can and take off full speed for the door. I run straight into an older guy heading out the door. I apologize quickly and head for the nurses station.
There's several nurses standing around chatting, some looking at charts, and some going over things with patients. I need someone to direct me to the right place, now.
"Ma'am I'm looking for Mrs. Dubois? Ember Dubois? Do you know where I can find her?"
An older lady wearing worn scrubs approaches me, placing her hand on my arm, "Hi Sweetie, I’m Mary, I'll take you right to her. Are you family?"
"Only family she has." I tell her and my voice cracks with emotion. God, this is all so fucked up. I should've been there for Em. I shouldn't have left her alone to deal with this shit. She was never supposed to be alone. Guilt eats at me as she leads me to the waiting room.
The first thing I see when I enter the room is Ember, lifeless in a heap on the floor. My heart drops and I run to her full speed, dropping to my knees and gathering her in my arms.
"Ember, baby... Ember? What happened to her!" I scream at the unfamiliar faces surrounding me. A man in a white coat approaches and looks at me with a hard glare, "Who are you son?" He asks.
"Who gives a fuck who I am? Why would you just leave here there? What in the fuck is going on? Why can't someone tell me what's going on?" I scream at him. My temper is seeping through my skin. I feel like the fucking Hulk right now.
"She just fainted, right before you walked through the door. I just instructed the nurse to get me smelling salts and an ice pack. I tried to catch her in time, but she fell before I could catch her." Just as he finishes, the nurse comes through the door clutching the supplies. He hands me the ice pack and I press it to the tender spot at the back of her head. I refuse to let her go, not to some stranger she doesn't know. I don't want him to be the first thing she sees.
"Can you at least tell me what's going on? Where's Nan at?” I look at him, pleading for answers. My sweet girl is dead weight in my arms. I hold her close to me, so close that I can feel her heart beat against my skin.
"Did you say that you are family? I'm not sure what the Dubois' would want me to discuss if-" he trails off. I'm the only damn family she has left and I've been stupid enough to push her away and I won’t do this shit anymore. It's her decision if she wants to be with me and all my fucked upness. I won't take those choices from her any longer.
"I'm her fiancé." I was at one point and I will be again. I’ll do everything in my power to put my ring on her finger and a baby in her belly.
"Mrs. Dubois passed away this evening, sir. She had a heart attack and we weren't able to revive her. We tried everything in our power. I'm so very sorry for your loss," he says sincerely.
My eyes burn with tears and my throat feels tight as I try and hold them back. Nan? God what did I do? I feel like this is my fault. I've fucked this all up. My poor sweet girl. I've done nothing but fuck her life up ever since she met me. Nan was like a mama to me. My heart feels like it may explode inside me and the pain causes a physical ache in my heart. It aches for Nan and for the pain that I’ve caused to all the people around me that have shown me nothing but love and acceptance. It aches for myself, for the fucked up situation I’ve put myself and everyone in. I feel the tears escaping down my cheeks and I bite my lip to hold back the sob that I can barely hold in. People probably think I’m a pussy, but fuck, they’re my family. They’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a normal life.