She looks distraught, like she can’t imagine the thought of having a child with me. It fucking stings, and not that I’m even remotely ready to process that I’m going to be a father, but I already feel fiercely protective of my baby that’s growing inside of her.
“I’ll leave you two alone to talk. I’m sorry to spring this on you. I believe that you are just having some cramping from the pregnancy. I’m going to have our ultrasound technician come in and give you an ultrasound just to make sure everything is going smoothly and see how far along you are.” He shakes both of our hands and strides out the door.
“Hale… I…” She begins
“No, Ember. I’m fucking upset right now,” I tell her, rising from the chair. I begin pacing the room as I run my fingers through my hair that stands on end.
“I’m so sorry Hale, I thought that we were careful. I thought that we were protected. I would never try and trap you in anyway....’
“WHAT?” I bellow. Does she honestly fucking think I’m upset at her for carrying my child? “Please tell me that you’re joking, Ember. Please. Do you honestly think that I would ever not support you or my child? That I wouldn’t be fucking thrilled that a piece of me is growing inside of you? Ember you are the love of my life. It hurts my fucking heart that this is even crossing your damn mind! I’m mad that you could be disappointed! You think I didn’t see your face whenever he told you that you were pregnant? You looked like someone kicked your puppy! You know the first thing I thought? I’m ecstatic Ember! I have had the shittiest hand dealt to me in life and this is my blessing from God. So excuse me if I’m a little pissed that you don’t feel the same.” By the time I’ve finished tears are streaming down her face and I feel like absolute shit that I’ve made her cry. I just exploded. Fuck, a child that I made. It’s something that’s hard to even wrap my mind around. My own dad was never anything but a piece of shit, especially to me, but my mom was an angel sent from above. I want to be the best dad I can be.
“Hale Michael... I AM happy that I am having your child! I was afraid that you would be upset at me or angry that I wasn’t careful. I’m just scared. I can’t believe this is even real. It seems like a dream. Do you ever feel like such good things are happening that you’re afraid the other shoe will drop? I’m so scared something will rip this happiness away from us.”
There’s a knock on the door and a nurse wheeling a large machine pushes through the door.
“Hi, I’m Amber and I’m the ultrasound technician for Dr. Reid. He’s requested a vaginal ultrasound to check on the baby and just make sure everything is going great.” She says it brightly, smiling at us both. Ember just smiles and nods her head. The nurse places a white sheet, napkin looking thing over her lap and pulls out a wand. Soon, everything is in place and she gestures towards the black and white screen on the wall. Suddenly there’s a whoosh, whoosh, whoosh coming through the speakers. I look at the technician in alarm.
“That right there is your baby’s heartbeat,” she says smiling.
Embers entire body begins to shake with sobs as the technician points out the tiny little jelly bean on the screen that is our baby. My throat tightens as the tears begin to sting my eyes. God, there’s no better feeling in the world. That’s my baby. That’s my son or daughter on that screen. My beautiful woman is giving me a family.
“It looks like you’re measuring about 4 weeks along.” The nurse says, gesturing to the small measurements on the screen. “That’s why it’s just a small little blip in there, but everything looks to be okay. I’m going to print a few of these for you to have. I’ll just talk with Dr. Reid for a minute and he’ll be in to speak with you.” She says, removing the wand and gathering all her things. She gives us a final wave and pulls the curtain shut behind her.
“Hale... we’re having a baby.” Her voice is full of disbelief.
“We’ve been planning for this our whole lives, Ember. I told you I was going to marry you one day when I was 10 years old. It may not be what we had planned, but you know this baby is a blessing. It was going to happen sooner rather than later if I had any say so in it. I want to spend my life with you Ember, that’s never changed.”
Ember
We make it home around four in the morning. Dr. Reid assured me everything was fine, but if I did feel extreme discomfort and heavy bleeding to come back immediately. It’s still hard to believe that there’s a baby growing inside me... Hale’s baby. Two months ago I never thought I would be able to fight my way out of the darkness that surrounded me, and now I’ve been given a second chance at life. Life with Hale. And our baby. I’m sitting on the couch watching tv and Hale’s running around the house acting like I am incapable of doing anything. While it is sweet that he’s so concerned, I just want to take a second and enjoy this moment. I call his name and he comes bouncing down the stairs, taking two at a time.
“What? What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” He asks out of breath from sprinting clear across the house. Deacon and I just stare.
“Hale, I am okay. I want you to sit for five seconds and relax. It’s okay. I’m okay. The baby is okay. Everything is okay.” I lay back on the couch, and cuddle closer into the blanket. “I’m just tired and my head is hurting, but other than that I’m okay.” I tell him.
He reaches down and rests his hand against my stomach, “I’m just worried Sweet Girl. I want everything to be okay. Shit, I can’t even believe we’re having a baby. I just want to be the best daddy I can to my baby bean.” His words cause tears to well in my eyes. Jesus these hormones are ridiculous. Is it possible that he could be even sexier as a daddy? Bringing his lips to my stomach, he plants kisses all around causing me to giggle.
“I know you will be the best daddy, Hale Michael Jarreau. That little bean is going to love you so much.”
“Get some sleep baby. I’m moving things out of the spare bedroom. I want to move it all over to my dad’s house to get it out of the way. We need to get a crib, and matching furniture.” He says over his shoulder as he walks back up the stairs. We’ve known we were pregnant for all of three hours and he’s already working on a nursery. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry because I got so damn lucky.
The next few days pass surprisingly quiet and calm. Hale has to go back to work so I spend my days tidying and watching Netflix. I’m not sure what we’ve decided to do with school yet, but I think I’ll finish this semester out and then take time off. It’ll always be there when I get back. I’m meeting Blayr for a “girl’s day” shortly. Lunch and pedicures, which sound perfect right now. I’m craving Nachos and a snowball. Pregnancy cravings at their finest.
My phone buzzes with a text as I’m sliding my jeans up. I don’t even have to look to know who it is. Hale is having separation anxiety. Not really, but he’s made sure to text me at least once an hour to make sure I’m fine.
H- How are you baby? Make sure to take the vitamins they gave you.
Grinning I reply,
E- Yes daddy we are fine. I took them this morning with the orange juice you bought for me. About to meet Blayr for a pedicure and lunch. I put your roast in the crockpot.
H- I love hearing that word. Daddy. Be safe. I love you.
Sometimes I feel the need to pinch myself just to see if he’s real. We’ve been talking the past few days about him seeing a therapist for his PTSD. He still wakes up in a cold sweat and last night he had a terrible nightmare. I woke up and ended up rolling onto the floor, because I was so afraid. He felt so bad he almost cried. He says it should be something he could control, but I know that it isn’t. He needs to talk with someone about this and that’s the only way he will overcome this. I can’t imagine what he’s been through, I just hope our love will be enough to pull him through it. The doorbell chimes, pulling me from my thoughts and I yell for her to come in. The door opens and Blayr, six inch heels and all, comes striding through.