“I MISS YOU EMBER ANN!!” She screams as she pounces me for a hug. “I feel like since Hale has come back I never get to see you. I understand though. We need to make sure we drink lots of wine at lunch.” She laughs. I guess now would be the time to tell her I won’t be drinking wine or any other alcoholic beverage for at least nine months. She walks to the mirror that sits in the hallway and reapplies her lip-gloss.
“Hey B, can we talk for a sec?” I say as I sit on the edge of the couch. She takes a seat on the couch and crosses her legs.
“Okay, what’s up?’
“About a week ago I had to go to the hospital. It was around one am and I woke up having horrible cramps. I found out that I’m pregnant. About six weeks or so.” I tell her. Her jaw drops and she squeals, “I’m going to be an aunt!!! Ember this is so amazing! I am so damn happy for you and Hale. God if anyone in the world deserves it it’s you two.” She pulls me into her arms and I immediately burst into tears. I can’t control them anymore, they’re like a free flowing river anytime anyone says anything remotely sappy.
“I’m so excited B. I just keep thinking something will happen to take this away from us. We’ve had so much bad happen, I just want this to be the good in our lives.” I sob into her shirt. It’s an ongoing fear that I struggle with every day. The things we have sacrificed are things that can’t ever be replaced. But we can live for the future and that’s what I’m trying my hardest to do.
“Ugh, okay enough tears! We have to go shopping as soon as possible. I have to spoil that baby rotten. It’s my job.” She laughs through the tears that gleam in her eyes. I’ve always been a tiny bit jealous of Blayr’s flawless looks. She can roll out of bed and not shower for a week and still look like a runway model. Her blonde hair always falls perfectly straight and her makeup never has a smudge, but there’s never been a competition between us. She’s the most selfless, kind person I’ve ever met, and I am lucky to have had her through everything.
We decide on Greek for lunch and finally pull up at the restaurant shortly after the lunch crowd. I’m excited to spend girl time with her and even more excited for a salad. We spend the day together catching up on all that’s been missed the past few days. Now, we’re at home on the couch, and I’m currently sipping apple juice while she drinks a glass of wine.
“How are things with Nash?” I ask
“That is a topic I don’t even feel like starting on.” She says as she swirls her wine around the glass. “He’s perfect, Ember. I swear he is. He makes me feel like a queen, but he’s going back to Nashville soon and my life is here. We’re just keeping things casual.”
“Riiight. That boys is so in love with you B, even I can see it,”
“Not to mention we bicker over everything. He has the whole alpha male thing going on and naturally, I hate anyone telling me what to do so we argue over it.” Sighing, she sets her wine aside. “I need to get going. I have to be at the studio by six, but I will see you soon. I’ll come beat this door down, Ember Ann. Don’t make me!” Laughing we stand and she pulls me into a fierce hug. “You’re going to be a great mama babe, and I am so so happy for you and Hale both.”
I watch as she grabs her purse and tosses me a little wave before opening the door and disappearing outside. I sink down onto the couch and close my eyes, just taking a moment to rest. Being pregnant is no joke. I see the picture of Nan and I at the fair a few years ago and a pain hits my heart. I wish so much that she could be here. I miss her so much and she would be having a fit over me having a baby. The fact that I’m able to raise my little bean in the same place that has offered me so much love and happiness eases some of the pain of her being gone. I’ll miss her everyday, but at least the memories we made will live on… because of her my life was filled with happiness.
Hale
Today, Em’s fifteen weeks pregnant and the past two and a half months have been the happiest months of my life. I’m so fucking ecstatic to be a father. I even got this book called What to Expect When You’re Expecting to read up on everything. Ember said if I don’t put it away she’s going to lock herself in the bedroom and not come out for the next six months. I just want to make sure we’re doing everything right. She can’t have fish or coffee, which did not fucking go over well. We’re heading to the doctor shortly to find out what we’re having. I’ve been patiently or not so patiently waiting for this day, for what seems like forever. I can’t wait to paint the nursery and move in. Everyone keeps asking me if I want a boy or girl and honestly? I don’t care either way. I want a healthy baby. I’ve started seeing a therapist in town for PTSD. After that night I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I knew it was time to see someone. I couldn’t imagine ever hurting Ember or the baby even if I was asleep. The flashbacks happen more frequently when I’m tired or stressed and I never seem to be getting enough sleep. After a few days of Ember giving me the silent treatment, I called a buddy that served with me and he directed me to the right place. I didn’t think it would help at first, but the shrink is actually a retired vet himself, and I feel lighter every day walking out of that door. He knows what I’m going through; he’s been there and done it himself. Unlike a person who has never been in war and has no idea the lasting effects it truly has a man. Or any idea the type of scars our bodies hold inside and out. I’m going to see him until I can learn to live with myself, until breathing is easier. Ember has been the best thing to ever happen to me and I won’t let my fucked up mind lose her.
“Ember hurry up before we’re late!” I yell up the stairs. I hear her moving around in the bathroom, putting on makeup. I tell her daily she doesn’t need that shit. My woman is beautiful without a trace of that shit on her face. I take a seat on the barstools we just recently purchased and cross my arms over my chest waiting for her to come down the stairs. Once we found out we were pregnant, we decided that it was time to sell my dad’s house and move everything over here. Deacon is content staying with Ember whenever I’m not around and I didn’t want him to have to stay at the house by himself. I didn’t have much to move since I came here with a couple duffle bags, but we decided to donate all of dad’s old furniture to the church. It’s been on the market for a few weeks now, but we haven’t really made much of an effort to sell. We’ve devoted all of our time to making this house our home. We’ve bought new furniture and decorations that Ember insisted on, and painted our bedroom a tan color to match the new bedspread and sheets. It’s the only place that’s ever really felt like home to me. Laying my head down next to her every night is a feeling that’s indescribable.
She finally comes down the stairs. She’s just now starting to show a little. All I hear about how “fat’ she’s getting, but she’s so fucking beautiful it takes my breath away. My favorite time of the day is coming home and laying my head against her stomach. I feel like I’ve got it all.
“Ready baby?” I ask her as she makes it to the bottom step. She grabs her purse from the side table and slides her hand in mine.
“Ready.” I drop my head down and press my lips against hers. “I’m so fucking excited.” I grin.
“Hale Michael! You do realize that a child will repeat anything and everything that comes out of your mouth?” She slaps my arm playfully.
“Well seeing as how our baby isn’t even a full six months inside your belly yet, I think it’ll be a while before he’s able to pick up on that.” I open the front door, ushering her outside. It’s still pretty cool for March so I grab her coat from the rack and drape it around her shoulders.