‘It’s very good of you to help us out.’ Nervously, Tristan extended a hand, which Rupert ignored. This was the bastard who’d broken Tab’s heart.
Having nodded curtly at Wolfie, and Lucy, who he knew slightly as a friend of Tab’s, and kissed Griselda, who he remembered from deb dances in the early seventies, he said:
‘OK, let’s get on with it.’
Rupert had never taken on anything he couldn’t do. Brilliant at show-jumping, he had been a highly successful, if unorthodox, MP and Minister for Sport, a hot-shot financial director of Venturer Television and now, because he’d learnt patience at last and refused to push horses that needed more time, he was one of the leading owner-trainers in the world. But the snail’s pace of filming defeated him. How could you spend a hundred and fifty thousand a day on something quite so ridiculous? The caterwauling from the speakers gave him a headache. The only time that number of people had stood around at Penscombe in the last twenty years had been at Gertrude’s funeral.
‘What the hell’s going on?’ he asked Tristan.
‘Carlos receive letter summoning him to a rendezvous. He think it is from his stepmother, who he adores. But it is from his father’s mistress, who adores him. So if you imagine your mistress…’
‘I don’t have a mistress,’ said Rupert icily.
‘Dommage,’ chorused Chloe and Simone.
The crew grinned.
‘Well, imagine your son being madly in love with your wife.’
‘Impossible,’ said Rupert, even more icily. ‘Marcus is a homosexual.’
‘Well,’ Tristan struggled on, ‘Carlos is so carried away with excitement, he declares passionate love to wrong woman.’
‘Is he pissed? Then how could he possibly mistake Clare—?’
‘Chloe!’ interrupted Chloe in outrage.
‘Sorry, Chloe for Hermione. Hermione’s three times her size.’
Chloe blew Rupert a kiss.
‘Why didn’t you choose singers the same size?’ persisted Rupert.
‘They were chosen for their voices.’ Tristan was just managing to keep his temper. ‘In the dark it is easy to mistake people.’
‘It isn’t dark.’ Rupert glared round at Oscar’s lights. ‘We could be in Blackpool at the height of the season.’
Later they’d moved on to the trio.
‘“Tomorrow the earth will open up to swallow you,”’ sang Chloe, scowling at Baby.
‘“May the earth open up to swallow you,”’ sang Mikhail, scowling at Chloe.
‘“If only the earth would open up to swallow me,”’ sang Baby.
‘Cut,’ shouted Rupert.
The music ground discordantly to a halt.
‘Tristan is directing this film, Monsieur Campbell-Black,’ bellowed an apoplectic Bernard.
‘Why do these singers keep repeating themselves?’ demanded Rupert sarcastically. ‘I thought we were trying to make this film shorter, this film shorter, this film shorter.’
The crew corpsed again.
‘The Chief Constable of Rutminster’s called Swallow,’ said Meredith chattily.
‘Shut up, Meredith,’ howled Tristan and Bernard.
‘And why isn’t that camera motorized?’ Rupert pointed at a buckling Ogborne, pushing Valentin along the tracks. ‘We gave up ploughing with horses forty years ago at Penscombe.’
‘Why’s that man with a beard sticking a knife into that pretty girl?’ demanded Rupert ten minutes later.
‘He’s a freedom fighter,’ hissed Griselda.
‘Typical leftie behaviour,’ said Rupert scornfully. ‘Why haven’t you given him sandals and an Adam’s apple?’
After Mikhail had offered Rupert a slug of vodka, he decided he was quite nice for a leftie.
There was a sticky moment during the break when a hopelessly goaded Tristan made the mistake of assuming Rupert spoke as little French as his daughter.
‘How can that imbecile Sexton have brought in such an ignorant, pig-headed, obstructionist ape?’ he stormed to Valentin.
‘Because you’d have folded, if he hadn’t,’ said Rupert coldly.
Like children who behave worse when their mother wants them on their best behaviour, Tristan’s cast started acting up.
‘“I have stained the name of my mother,”’ sang Baby piously, in the middle of a perfect take.
‘Vot colour ’ave you stained her?’ sang back Mikhail.
‘I have stained her Prussian blue-hoo-hoo.’
‘Cut!’ howled Tristan. ‘Cut, cut, cut, you fuckers!’ then stopped in mid-blast as a mobile rang.
‘Telephones are not allowed on the set,’ roared Bernard.
‘It’s mine,’ mumbled Tristan, disappearing into the dark labyrinths of the maze.
The trees on the horizon were still black silhouettes, but colour was creeping into the foreground. Pigeons were cooing sleepily, thrushes repeating phrases like singers, when at four thirty Tristan called a wrap. Despite Rupert’s constant interference, a miraculous minute or two was in the can. Mikhail’s flick-knife had gone safely back to the props van. Everyone was glad to gather round Maria’s barbecue on which tandoori chicken, sausages, and tomatoes stuffed with herbs sizzled enticingly. As an extra treat after a long night, Maria had made a huge bread and butter pudding. Bottles of red and white were on the tables.
Rupert was very hungry, and could have done with a drink, but he was loath to fraternize. Back at Penscombe, his stable lads would be out on the gallops in an hour, he hated to miss anything.
Gablecross, who’d been waiting patiently all night, edged towards him. ‘Can I have a word, Mr Campbell-Black?’
‘No, you can’t,’ said Rupert curtly. ‘I’m off.’
Despite Rupert’s antagonism, Tristan, having heard hideous rumours about Rannaldini and Tab, had returned to his caravan and was taking a huge bunch of freesias from a bucket. Wrapping them in the only pages of yesterday’s Le Figaro not devoted to the murder, he caught up with his new executive producer as Rupert was leaving the canteen.
‘Would you please take these to Tabitha and give her, er, my love?’
Suddenly, in front of the entire unit, Rupert’s rage boiled over. ‘Not after the way you fucked her up, dumping her the moment you pulled her.’
Tristan was greyer than the pre-dawn sky but he held his ground. ‘It is not as you think.’
‘Don’t tell me what I think, you fucking Frog. I may have made it possible for you to finish your poxy film, because Tab put so much work into the horses, but, believe me, sunshine, it has nothing to do with you. Back off and leave her alone.’
Lucy couldn’t bear to look at Tristan, she had never hated anyone as much as Rupert, particularly when he snatched Tristan’s flowers to chuck them on the barbecue. But suddenly Rozzy erupted from nowhere.
‘Shut up, you fucking bully!’ she screamed, grabbing the flowers from him.
Oscar choked on his half pint of red, Bernard on his bread and butter pudding. Everyone who had turned away in embarrassment turned back in amazement. Rozzy swearing?
‘You shouldn’t judge without knowing the facts,’ she shouted. ‘If Tristan hadn’t risked his life dragging Tab from the fire she wouldn’t be alive today. Naturally Tab was terrified, and Tristan comforted her. You ought to go down on your knees with gratitude you’ve still got a daughter, you loathsome brute.’
Rupert looked at Rozzy incredulously. ‘My God, the mouse has roared.’
‘And how d’you know he seduced Tab?’ said Rozzy furiously. ‘You’ve only got her word for it, just as you’ve only got her word that Rannaldini—’
‘Shut up, you bitch.’ Wolfie was shaking Rozzy like a rat. ‘Take that back.’
Instantly Bernard moved in to separate them, and Rozzy collapsed sobbing in his arms.