I’ll see you in hell, Simon. At least Wade hadn’t been her flesh and blood. She thought about how he’d forced his way between her thighs at that party so long ago. He’d thought she was Alicia. Alex remembered his genuine shock when she’d said no.
Did that mean at one point Alicia had said yes? It was a disturbing thought to mix in with all the others that bombarded her mind. Alex had known Alicia was sexually active and Alex had thought she’d known with whom… but Alicia and Wade? The mental picture made her skin crawl. What kind of girl had Alicia really been?
What kind of monster had Wade been? She thought of the pictures she’d seen, perverted and horrific. Wade had raped those girls. She’d lived under the same roof with him for years and never suspected he was capable of such… depravity. Cruelty.
Alicia. Sheila and Rita. Gretchen and Carla. And Cindy. They’d all been raped. And poor Cindy had killed herself. The depths of depression she must have experienced. Alex knew those depths well. Poor Cindy. Poor Sheila.
And the nine others she didn’t know…
Daniel had carried their faces in his mind for a week. Poor Daniel.
His handsome face was stern, even in sleep. He’d removed his suit coat, his only apparent concession to comfort. His muscled chest rose and fell under the shirt he’d unbuttoned only enough to loosen his collar. His tie was tugged away from his throat, knocked askew. He still wore his gun, holstered at his hip. His shoes were still on his feet. He was ready, even in sleep.
Again, the pictures assaulted her mind. After seeing thirteen of them, it didn’t take much imagination to conjure what Alicia’s must have looked like. She thought of the first time Daniel seen her in the GBI office. The utter shock on his face.
She thought about the way he’d looked at her, right before he’d kissed her, tonight and earlier today in his car after she’d nearly been killed. What do you want from me? she’d asked. Not anything you’re not willing and… anxious to give, he’d replied.
She’d believed him then. She wasn’t sure she believed him now.
He felt guilt. Deep, soul-searing guilt. Daniel Vartanian sought atonement.
Alex didn’t want to be any man’s atonement. She didn’t want to be any man’s charity project. She’d done that already, with Richard. And it had been the most abysmal of failures. She didn’t want to be a failure again.
She knew the moment Daniel woke. His eyes opened deliberately, as he did everything else. And when he focused that bright blue gaze on her face, she shivered. For a moment he stared, then rolled to one hip and held out his hand.
And she knew it didn’t matter what she did or didn’t want. It only mattered what she needed, and at that moment, she needed him. He sat up against the corner of the sofa and drew her into his lap. She went, greedily absorbing all his warmth.
“Your hands are like ice,” he murmured, carefully covering them with his own.
She burrowed her cheek against the hard wall of his chest. “Riley hogs the covers.”
“That’s why he doesn’t sleep with me at home.”
She lifted her face to look at him, needing to know. “Who does?”
He didn’t try to misunderstand. “No one. Not in a very long time, anyway. Why?”
She thought of Richard’s new wife. “I need to know if I’d be first or second string.”
She thought she might see his one-sided smile, but his mouth remained completely serious. “First.” He swept his thumb across her lip, sending a tingle down her body. “You were married before.”
“And divorced.”
“Were you second string?” he asked, so very quietly.
“More like water boy,” she said with a half smile of her own.
Still he didn’t smile. “Did you love him?”
“I thought I did. But I think I just didn’t want to be alone in the night.”
“So he was there for you…” His eyes grew intense. “… in the night.”
“No. At the beginning he was a resident in the hospital where I worked. We dated a few times. My roommate had moved out and before I knew it, he’d moved in. I saw him at the hospital, but our off-hours didn’t seem to mesh well. He wasn’t home a lot.”
“But you married him.”
“Yes.” They’d kind of wandered their way into marriage, she and Richard. She honestly couldn’t remember the moment he’d proposed.
“Did you love him?”
It was the second time he’d asked the question. “No. I wanted to. But I didn’t.”
“Was he kind to you?”
She smiled then. “Yes. Richard is… he’s a nice man. He’s good to children and he likes dogs…” She stopped when she realized the direction her words were going. “But I think he viewed me as something of a challenge. His own little Eliza Doolittle.”
He frowned. “Why would he want to change you?”
For a moment she stared. His words were a sweet balm, easing the disappointment she’d felt at never being quite what Richard needed, or what she’d wanted to be for both of them. “Most of it was me, I think. I wanted to be… interesting. Dynamic. Unbridled.”
He lifted his brows. “Unbridled?”
She laughed self-consciously. “You know.” She waggled her brows and he nodded, but still didn’t smile.
“You wanted to make him come home to you.”
“I suppose so. But I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be. What I wanted me to be.”
“So he left?”
“No, I did. Hospitals are like small towns. Lots of secrets hidden below the surface. Richard had affairs. All very discreet.” She held his gaze. “He should have just left me, but he didn’t want to hurt me.”
Daniel winced. “Point made. So you left?”
“He met someone, luckily not one of the nurses. I couldn’t have stayed then.”
He was frowning. “I thought you left.”
“I left him. By this point we’d bought a house, and I let him have it. But I wouldn’t leave the hospital. I was there first.”
He blinked at her. “You gave him the house, but not the job.”
“Exactly.” She said it matter-of-factly, because to her, it was. “He’d finished his residency and had signed on as a full-time ER doc. Everyone expected me to leave, I think. To go to pedes or surgery or something. But I like the ER. So I didn’t leave.”
He looked nonplussed. “I guess that makes for some awkward moments.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I moved out of the house a year ago and the new wife moved right in behind me. They’re… good together.”
“That’s magnanimous of you,” he said warily, and she laughed ruefully.
“I guess I liked him enough not to want him to be unhappy. Meredith, now, she’d like to see him strung between two anthills and dipped in honey.”
Finally that one side of his mouth lifted, lifting her heart with it. “Note to self,” he murmured. “Don’t piss Meredith off.”
She nodded once, pleased to have been able to make him smile. “Exactly.”
But too quickly his smile faded. “Were you dreaming again tonight?”
Thinking about the dreams made her cold again. “Yes.” She rubbed her arms to get warm and he took over, pulling her against him, rubbing her back briskly. The man was like a furnace, warm and strong and male, and she snuggled closer, wanting more.
And finding it in the pulse of his hard arousal against her hip.
She sucked in a breath, suddenly much warmer. He wanted her. And she wanted him. But before she could decide what to say or do, he shifted, settling her away from his lap, and all that wonderful, sensual heat disappeared. His arms came hard around her and he tucked her head under his chin. “I’m sorry,” he murmured against her hair.