It was big enough for Hawaii, anyway. And so for a while we’d stopped trying to kill him, but we never stopped thinking about it. And someone thought:
If Big “C”’s brain is where Smiler is, and if we can get to that brain…will that stop the whole thing dead?
It was a nice thought. We needed somebody on the inside, but all we had was Smiler. Which brings me back to that time fifteen months ago when I went in to negotiate the new boundaries.
At that time Big “C” was out as far as ten miles from the Lake and expanding rapidly on all fronts. A big round nodule of him extended to cover La Belle, tapering to a tentacle reaching as far as Alva. I’d entered him at Alva as per instructions, where Big “C” had checked the car, then driven on through La Belle on my way to Lakeport, which was now his HQ. And then, as now, I’d passed through the landscape, which he opened for me, driving through his ever-expanding tissues. But I won’t go into that here, nor into my conversation with Smiler. Let it suffice to say that Smiler intimated he would like to die now and it couldn’t come quickly enough, and that before I left I’d passed him a note which read:
Smiler,
The next time someone comes in here he’ll be a volunteer, and he’ll be bringing something with him. A little something for Big “C.” But it’s up to you when that happens, good buddy. You’re the only one who can fix it.
Peter
And then I was out of there. But as he’d glanced at the note there had been a look on Smiler’s face that was hard to gauge. He’d told me that Big “C” only used him as a mouthpiece and as his…host. That the hideous stuff could only instruct him, not read his mind or get into his brain. But as I went to my car that time I could feel Big “C” gathering himself—like a big cat bunching its muscles—and as I actually got into the car something wet, a spot of slime, splashed down on me from overhead! Jesus! It was like the bastard was drooling on me!
“Jesus,” yes. Because when I’d passed Smiler that note and he’d looked at me, and we’d come to our unspoken agreement, I hadn’t known that I would be the volunteer! But I was, and for two reasons: my life didn’t matter any more, and Smiler had asked for me—if I was willing. Now that was a funny thing in itself because it meant that he was asking me to die with him. But the thought didn’t dawn on me that maybe he knew something that he shouldn’t know. Nor would it dawn on me until I only had one more mile to go to my destination, Lakeport. When in any case there was no way I could turn back.
As for what that something was: it was the fact that I too was now dying of cancer.
It was diagnosed just a few weeks after I’d been to see him: the fast-moving sort that was spreading through me like a fire. Which was why I said: sure, I’ll come in and see you, Smiler…
Ostensibly I was going in to negotiate the boundaries again. Big “C” had already crossed the old lines and was now out from the lake about forty miles in all directions, taking him to the Atlantic coast in the east and very nearly the Gulf of Mexico in the west. Immokalee had been my starting point, just a mile southwest of where he sprawled over the Slough, and now I was up as far as Palmdale and turning right for Moore Haven and Lakeport. And up to date with my morbid memories, too.
From Palmdale to Lakeport is about twenty-five miles. I drove that narrow strip of road with flaps and hummocks of leprous dough crawling, heaving and tossing on both sides—or clearing from the tarmac before my spinning wheels—while an opaque webbing of alien flesh pulsed and vibrated overhead. It was like driving down the funnel-trap of some cosmic trapdoor spider, or crossing the dry bed of an ocean magically cleared as by Moses and his staff. Except that this sea—this ocean of slime and disease—was its own master and cleared the way itself.
And in my jacket pocket my cigarette lighter, and under its hinged cap the button. And I was dying for a cigarette but couldn’t have one, not just yet. But (or so I kept telling myself, however ridiculously) that was a good thing because they were bad for you!
The bomb was in the hollow front axle of the car, its two halves sitting near the wheels along with the propellant charges. When those charges detonated they’d drive two loads of hell into calamitous collision right there in the middle of the axle, creating critical mass and instant oblivion for anything in the immediate vicinity. I was driving a very special car: a kamikaze nuke. And ground zero was going to be Big “C”’s brain and my old pal Smiler. And myself, of course.
The miles were passing very quickly now, seeming to speed up right along with my heartbeat, I guessed I could do it even before I got there if I wanted to, blow the bastard to hell. But I wasn’t going to give him even a split second’s warning, because it was possible that was all he needed. No, I was going to park this heap right up his nose. Almost total disintegration for a radius of three or four miles when it went. For me, for Smiler, but especially for Big “C.” Instantaneous, so that he wouldn’t even have time to twitch.
And with this picture in mind I was through Moore Haven and Lakeport was up ahead, and I thought: We’ve got him! Just two or three more miles and I can let ’er rip any time! And it’s goodbye Big “C.” But I wouldn’t do it because I wanted to see Smiler one last time. It was him and me together. I could smile right back at him (would I be able to? God, I hoped so!) as I pressed the button.
And it was then, with only a mile to go to Lakeport, that I remembered what Smiler had said the last time he asked for a visitor. He’d said: Someone should come and see me soon, to talk about boundaries if for nothing else. I think maybe Peter Lancing…if he’s willing.”
The “if for nothing else” was his way of saying: “OK, bring it on in.” And the rest of it….
The way I saw it, it could be read two ways. That “if he’s willing” bit could be a warning, meaning: “Of course, this is really a job for a volunteer.” Or he could simply have been saying good-bye to me, by mentioning my name in his final communication. But…maybe it could be read a third way, too. Except that would mean that he knew I had cancer, and that therefore I probably would be willing.
And I remembered that blob of goo, that sweat or spittle of Big “C,” which had splashed on me when I was last in here….
Thought processes, and while they were taking place the mile was covered and I was in. It had been made simple: Big “C” had left only one road open, the one that led to the grounds of the Cancer Research Foundation. Some irony, that this should be Big “C”’s HQ! But yes, just looking at the place I knew that it was.
It was…wet-looking, glistening, alive. Weakened light filtered down through the layers of fretted, fretting webs of mucus and froth and foaming flesh overhead, and the Foundation complex itself looked like a gigantic, suppurating mass of decaying brick and concrete. Tentacles of filth had shattered all the windows outwards, for all the world as if the building’s brain had burst out through its eyes, ears and nostrils. And the whole thing was connected by writhing ropes of webbing to the far greater mass which was Big “C”’s loathsome body.
Jesus! It was gray and green and brown and blue-tinged. In spots it was even bright yellow, red, and splashed with purple. It was Cancer with a capital C—Big “C” himself—and it was alive!
“What are you waiting for, Peter?” Smiler’s voice came out of my radio, and I banged my head on the car roof starting away from it. “Are you coming in, old friend…or what?”
I didn’t have to go in there if I didn’t want to; my lighter was in my pocket; I touched it to make sure. But…I didn’t want to go out alone. I don’t just mean out like out of the car, but out period. And so: