He put his silverware down deliberately and looked into the kitchen opposite where Stella sat. She could feel the anger roll off him. He stood up suddenly, knocking his barstool to the floor, making a loud noise that filled the entire house. Stella jumped in surprise. Cooper bounded across the floor and sat in front of Stella protectively.
“What’re we doing?” he exploded. He yelled from a couple of feet away, but his voice rang in her ears. “What the fuck are we doing here? Are you just playing house with me? If you can’t trust me with this, then what are we even doing together?” Frustrated, he picked up another barstool and threw it across the den, knocking a lamp down in the process. The room darkened with the loss of the lamp’s light.
Stella didn’t react to George’s temper tantrum. She stayed seated and worked on cutting another piece of steak. “We’re loving each other, George. This is how I’m loving you. I want to protect you. I want to build some sort of storm cellar and keep you there so that you’ll be safe during all this madness. I’m poisonous. I destroy everything I touch. Don’t you see that?” She paused to take a breath. “Everywhere I go, people get hurt. I can’t have him hurt you.” Her voice remained calm, but inside she was turned inside out. She wouldn’t survive if Jamie hurt George—it was the only thing she knew with absolute certainty. So for her, this was a weird sort of self-protection.
George began pacing the length of the den. “No!” He shook his head vigorously. “I don’t want to be loved like that. I don’t need your fucking protection!” Sighing, he stopped pacing and walked back to her, forcing his way in between her legs. He cradled her face with both of his hands. She breathed in his scent, minty and mixed with the smell of Finnegan’s. “I want to be in the eye of the storm, holding your hand, and if you get sucked into it, I want to go with you.”
She shook her head, still cradled in his hands. “Let’s not fight when you’re leaving tomorrow.”
“I’m going to fight. I’m going to fight for you. You need to remember that.” He held her head firm and stared intently into her deep green eyes.
“It’s not to supposed to be this hard.” She put her head on his forehead.
His hands tangled in her still-wet hair. “El,” he stepped back and looked her directly in the eyes again, “if you don’t have to work for something, it’s usually not worth shit.”
She was silent. She hadn’t meant her relationship with George, she meant everything. Jamie…life. Everything was so fucking hard. She knew she’d never have easy, but fuck, she’d take relatively difficult at this point.
“I hope I’m worth the fight,” he whispered into her ear, then turned abruptly and went upstairs.
George’s last night at their house before he left for the campaign trail was painful. They slept in the same bed, but were miles apart. He stared into the darkness of his closet for hours and thought of all the things that could go wrong. George turned over and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his body.
“I love you,” he whispered into her ear.
“I know.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
She turned so that they were face to face. “I know.” She smirked with her eyes still closed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, opening her eyes. She could hardly see him, but she could make out the outline of his face.
“For what, Love?”
“For me. I’m just so lost, George. You’re my only sure thing. The only thing I know that I need. Everything else is…”
“A fucking hurricane,” he finished for her.
She leaned in a few inches and kissed him gently. “A fucking hurricane,” she said into his mouth, parting his lips with her tongue.
“I promise we’re in this together, Love. Me and you.”
“I’m scared,” she admitted then kissed him again, this one hungrier. “Not for me, but for you and Millie and everyone else I love.”
“I know.” He pulled her earlobe into his mouth, then ran his tongue the length of her collarbone.
“I’m so happy for you.” She was breathless now.
“Shut up.” His hands searched her entire naked body. She’d gone back to sleeping without clothes on a few months ago. He assumed she was becoming more comfortable with her scars, the ones that pissed him off every time he saw them.
Her head fell back against her pillow and for the first time in a long time she did what she was told.
Chapter Thirteen
Cooper, My Hero
The week after George left, Stella tried to keep herself busy with work. On Thursday, she drove to her yoga class in her sex mobile. Her seat was vibrating, all the windows were down, and she was even singing to the boy band on the radio until she realized what she was doing and changed the channel. The broadcaster on the other station was reporting on the FBI Beauty and the latest rumors. Why did anyone give a shit about what she was doing? Disgusted, she turned the radio off and called Jesse.
“Hey, Stella,” he answered.
“What’s up, my football-playing friend? You’ve been doing very well this season.” She’d been keeping up with his stellar season—he’d been all over ESPN.
“You’ve been watching?”
“Of course.” Stella was certain he would make the Pro Bowl this year. “If you make it to Hawaii, will you invite me?”
“You don’t think George will mind?” Jesse joked.
“Let’s not tell him; let him find out on Twitter.” Stella played along.
“Still bad?” Jesse laughed.
“Bad is relative. Can I leave my house without pictures everywhere? No. However, I have been able to buy tampons on my own lately.”
“Fuck! Thanks for that visual.”
“What, that I have a vagina? I’m pretty sure you knew that.”
Jesse’s laugh was hearty. “Did you need something? I gotta jet; watching video.”
“I just wanted to hear your sweet southern voice.” Stella sighed. “I missed it.”
“After the season, we’ll hang out, I promise. Shit is just crazy right now.”
“I totally understand,” she sympathized. “Just know I’m watching you.”
“I appreciate it.”
“By the way, did you download that app I was telling you about?” Stella asked.
“Yes. Me and all the guys are using it. Thanks.”
“Okay. I’ll find you on it and leave you messages while I watch you play. I’m sure you’ll love that.”
“I’d only let you do that,” he acknowledged. “Before you go, how’s your Jamie situation?”
“I’m working with the FBI. I think they’ll arrest him, I just have to figure out how to get them what they need to arrest him without incriminating myself. I’m still in the planning mode.”
“Keep me informed.” Jesse said something to someone else in the room. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do. Thanks, J.” She paused. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Stella. Keep your head down.”
Stella rolled over to stare at the clock; it was 4:36 am. She couldn’t sleep again. George had been gone for over a week and she missed him. Since the warmth of his hand on her shoulder was gone, she couldn’t sleep through the night, even with taking the sleeping pills. It was like her body needed him there. He’d left for who knows how long and she dove headfirst into work to distract herself from missing him. It didn’t work. When he was in the room with her, the world felt right for some reason she couldn’t figure out. George being in her life made the things that were fucked up fade to the background. Without that presence, all the things she didn’t want to think about rose to the surface and wrapped their tentacles around her, pulling her under.