I was sitting in the parlour when the servant announced Mr. Lacey. I was not pleased to see him, as I felt I could not forgive him for his interference in his friend’s personal matters and the disservice he had done to you. His behaviour was very odd, and finally I asked him if there was something he wished to say to me. To the best of my memory, this is what followed:
‘I have put aside every consideration: your lack of fortune and connections, the inferior position your family holds in society, the criticism that will ensue, but I have lost the struggle. I have been unable to repress my feelings.’ The speech continued on in this vein, but all I can remember is that whatever it was he was going on about, it was done against his better judgement. At this point, Mr. Lacey stopped speaking, and I told him I did not understand him, and then he continued:
‘I love you and have almost from the first moment of our acquaintance. I am now asking for your hand in marriage.’
Jane, you can appreciate the shock I experienced upon hearing his proposal. Mr. Lacey was in love with me! For a second I was quite flattered, but then I thought of the mode of his declaration. I believe this is what I said when I could finally speak.
‘I thank you for the honour of your proposal. I appreciate the difficulty of your struggles, and I am sure with the passage of time you will be successful in overcoming those feelings which you found so distressing, and your initial reservations will prevail.’
‘May I ask why my offer is rejected with so little consideration?’
‘I might ask why you would make an offer of marriage to a woman whom you consider to be unworthy of you. You tell me that in making this offer, you are acting against your better judgement. From your perspective, I would like to know why you would want such a wife, and, more importantly, why would I want a husband who regrets he was unable to overcome his feelings for me? Does such a union have any possibility of success?’
When he had gone, I found I was shaking. I had no idea he had feelings for me. When Charlotte remarked that Mr. Lacey might be in love with me, I had dismissed it. Just because he had stopped being rude did not mean he was in love. I did notice a change in his demeanor, and I will admit I found him to be very pleasant company on our walks and out on the lawn when we played at croquet, but an offer of marriage never entered my mind.
I am greatly unsettled and look forward to going home. It will be impossible to avoid Mr. Lacey, as he will remain Mr. Bingham’s friend. I will need your guidance as how to act when we meet again.
Love,
Lizzy
Before returning to London, Will shared with his cousin the details of what had happened at the parsonage, and because Anne believed Lizzy was perfect for Will, she decided to intervene on his behalf.
10 August 1792
My Dearest Will,
I have visited with Elizabeth and told her I knew of your proposal of marriage. She was much surprised to learn you would tell anyone about the terrible things she had said to you. We went into the garden, and she began to cry. She said she was very flattered by your proposal and would have been more receptive to it but for two things. She had just recently learnt of your visit to George Bingham regarding her sister Jane. There is no one in the world who is closer to her, and she considers this injury to her sister to be an injury to herself. Secondly, she said she could never be sure that your love would remain constant, since you said that you would have been happier if you had been successful in overcoming your feelings for her.
Elizabeth told me of your walks in the grove and how much she enjoyed your company. She mentioned you had risen in her estimation with each meeting, but then she mentioned how determined you were to keep Charles from her sister, and she again started to cry.
What is to be done? If you love her as ardently as you said last week, then you must start over. Since it is nearly a certainty her sister Jane will shortly become engaged, then you will have ample opportunity to see Elizabeth because you are Charles’s closest friend. Show her you harbour no hard feelings because of her rejection and proceed from there. But you must court her, Will. You should not assume she will want to marry you just because of your fortune and position. If that was all she wanted, she would have accepted you at the parsonage. Go to Hertfordshire. Show her you regret the method of your proposal but not the making of it. If Elizabeth did not care for you, she would have shown defiance and not tears when I spoke to her in the garden.
Your devoted cousin,
Anne
After reading this letter, I felt sorrier for Anne than I did for Will. She had encouraged her cousin to stand up and fight for Elizabeth, not to concede defeat, and to go on the offensive. Yet, she was unable to stand up to her mother. Because she lived such a sad, lonely life, she was determined that at least Will would experience a love she would never know.
16 August — I have told Jane of Mr. Lacey’s proposal, and to my surprise, she was surprised but little. She said his interest in me could not be mistaken, but she did not think he would act because of our different positions in society. She was sorry to hear I had rejected him because of the role he had played in separating Charles from her, saying that, in the end, it was George Bingham’s influence that held greater sway. Jane added that it was when Charles saw me in Kent that he made the decision to force the issue with his brother. When George recognized the depth of his brother’s feelings, he arranged for the meeting that won his approval for the marriage. Jane asked if I had feelings for Mr. Lacey, and I had to confess that I did. Until the night of his wretched proposal, I did not realize how much I had come to enjoy his company, and thought how terrible a thing it would be if I should never see him again.
Never see him again? Considering Charles and Jane would shortly announce their wedding plans, and that Will Lacey would almost certainly be asked to stand up for his friend, was there any doubt Will and Lizzy would meet again? Not really. Lizzy wasn’t worried about not seeing Mr. Lacey again. She was worried about what would happen when she did.
Chapter 22
On September 10, 1792, Charles Bingham married Miss Jane Garrison in the Garrison’s parish church. Apparently, it was at the wedding breakfast at Helmsley Hall where Lizzy and Will had their first opportunity to talk since that awful day at the parsonage.
11 September — I was very apprehensive about seeing Mr. Lacey again, but as soon as he saw me, he came over and asked after my health, as he always does. He directed my attention to his sister and Miss Desmet. Mr. Lacey said that, upon leaving Kent, he and his sister had gone to Montclair, as that is the place where his thoughts are clearest. What thoughts were those? Was he thinking of me and his failed proposal? I am sure his cousin acquainted him with our conversation in the garden. I wish I knew what he had said to Anne.
Mr. Lacey asked me to introduce him to Aunt and Uncle Sims, and I mentioned my uncle was in trade and resided on Gracechurch Street. Mr. Lacey said he was often in that part of London, as that is where George Bingham’s office is. After we were back at Bennets End, Uncle told me that upon learning we were shortly to visit the Peak District, Mr. Lacey insisted we visit Montclair, and he informed me with great excitement that the estate is mentioned in Walton’s The Compleat Angler. Apparently, there is no greater compliment. I should have nothing to be anxious about, as we have had that dreaded first meeting, and he was so nice to me.