“I still know him,” Bud said.
“Yeah, well that’s what I mean. Channels, fate. He was scared that night, though. He was really scared. I think the only reason he lit up was because he was afraid we’d call him chicken.”
“No, I don’t think so,” Bud said. “He was just curious, the way I was. You hear so much about it you want to know what all the shooting’s about.”
“But he was scared. Man, I’ve seen them when they’re scared. Maybe he was curious, too, but he was mostly scared. That’s because we were in the men’s room, and maybe that wasn’t the best place in the world to light up. Man, I was stoned! But you shared the joint with him, so it didn’t affect you at all. It didn’t affect him, either. He kept shrugging, as if it were a big disappointment, but man I think he was relieved he could still think straight. There’re lots of guys like that, you know, guys who’re afraid they won’t be able to think straight, and who’re afraid of what they’ll do when their minds aren’t their own. Do you remember the movie we saw that night? Something with ‘night’ in the title — Dead of Night? Yes, a British film. About this guy who keeps thinking he’s lived through all this before, and the ventriloquist, and the room in the mirror, don’t you remember? A real crazy picture, and it was even crazier because I was stoned. But what I’m driving at is that you had a taste of it. Hell, even Davidoff had a taste, and here you are, and here I am, and never the twain shall meet. You know what I mean?”
“Yes, I think so,” Bud said.
“Just talking about it makes me itchy,” Andy said. “I shouldn’t have tried to fool you last night, Bud. Man, I really wanted to cut out of here and scare up something, though — anything — just to take that itch out of my skull.”
“Well, don’t start getting the itch now.”
“No, no, I was just saying. Oh, I feel a little of the itch. I guess I’ll always feel that. I mean, like I could bust a joint now if I wanted to, but nothing serious. I guess I’ll always take a reefer or two, now and then, even when I’m off the big stuff for good.”
“That doesn’t sound very smart,” Bud said. “If you’re going to get off it, you should get off it completely.”
“Oh, sure, sure, I will. But a sip of tea never hurt anybody. Hell, I could blast right now, and would you believe it, it wouldn’t affect me at all? Except maybe to soothe my nerves a little, that’s all. Man, when I was just taking marijuana, I had it completely under control, what I mean, completely. I could have stopped any time I wanted to.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Andy shrugged. “Search me. I just didn’t. I got on the bigger stuff.”
“Why?” Bud asked.
“If I knew that, man, I’d be oh so wise.”
“Well, let’s not talk about it. The more you talk about it, the more you’ll want it. Let’s get some breakfast, okay?”
“Fine,” Andy said.
They both got out of bed and dressed quickly. Bud went into the kitchen and Andy followed him there. They were looking into the refrigerator when the phone rang.
“I’ll get it,” Bud said. He glanced at his watch. “Kind of early for anyone...” He let the sentence die, shook his head, and walked to the phone, lifting the receiver.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, Andy?”
“No, this is Bud.”
“Oh. Oh, hello, Bud. How are you?”
He did not recognize the voice. “Who is this?” he asked.
“Helen. Helen Cantor.”
He felt suddenly warm. He tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to his mind. The line was silent for several moments, and then he said softly, “How are you, Helen?”
“Oh, I’m fine, thanks, Bud. May I speak to Andy, please? He is with you, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is,” Bud said. “How did you—”
“He called me yesterday, before he went over there. It’s awfully good of you to do what you’re doing, Bud.”
“I... yes,” he said.
“May I speak to him now, please? He’s all right, isn’t he?”
“Yes, yes, he’s fine. Just a moment.” He cupped the receiver. “Andy, it’s for you.”
Andy came out of the kitchen. “Who is it?”
“Helen.”
“Oh.” He nodded abstractedly and went to the phone, taking the receiver from Bud. “Hello,” he said. “Yes, I know, Bud— What?... No, I’m fine, Helen... Well, it’s been bad, but you know how... Yes, yes, I am... No, this time it’s for good, Helen... I know I’ve said that before... Look... Look, Helen... Yes, I will...” He sighed heavily. “I haven’t got any of the stuff... I haven’t even got the works... I’m telling you. Helen? Helen? Oh, I thought you’d... No, go ahead... All right, all right, I promise... Helen, it’s for good this time, I promise you that... Yes, yes, have you been all right?... Good... What?... Oh... Well, I don’t know... I mean, it’s not my place, Helen.”
“What does she want?” Bud asked.
“Just a minute, Helen.” He cupped the mouthpiece. “She wants to know if she can come over.”
“Now?”
“Did you mean now, Helen?” Andy asked. “Oh, well just a minute.” He turned to Bud again. “Tonight, she said. After work.”
Bud hesitated. He did not know if he wanted to see Helen again, and especially under these circumstances. “I’ve got a test tomorrow,” he said lamely.
“Helen, he’s got a test tomorrow,” Andy said into the phone. “What?... Well, gee, Helen... all right, just a minute.” He did not bother cupping the mouthpiece this time. “She wants to know when she can come, Bud. Look, if you don’t want—”
“After my test,” Bud said. “Tomorrow night.”
“Helen? Can you come tomorrow night?... Look, I don’t even see why... Yes, tomorrow... all right... about six?... Just a minute, Helen... Well, for Christ’s sake, I have to check it, don’t I?... Now just a second.” He turned to Bud again. “Six all right?”
“All right,” Bud said.
“All right,” Andy said. “Do you know where it is? Oh, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Take care... I’ll be all right, don’t worry... Fine... Yes, tomorrow at six... Okay, Helen, so long.” He hung up and then wet his lips. “She knows where you live,” he said.
“Yes, I know,” Bud answered.
“How... I mean...”
“She’s been here before.”
“Oh.” Andy hesitated. “Nice kid, Helen. Still checking up on me, even though... well, like I hardly see her any more, you know.”
“You called her yesterday, didn’t you? You just said—”
“Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, like you owe it to people, don’t you? Like if... if they’re interested, you know, you shouldn’t just sort of drop dead on them. I thought she’d like to know I was making the break, see, and I guess she does. Like her calling just now. Wants to make sure I stick to it this time, I guess. Nice kid.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t mind her coming over, do you? Look, if you’ve got any objections, I can call her back.”
“No, I don’t mind.”
“I mean, I never did get it straight between Helen and you so I don’t know what the story is. I know she didn’t talk about it, and whenever I brought it up—”
“She’s welcome here,” Bud interrupted.
“Just like that,” Andy said. “Whenever I brought the subject up, she interrupted with something. What was it with you two, anyway?”
“Nothing,” Bud said.
“It wasn’t that first time, was it? You know, when I—”
“No,” Bud said.
“Something when I was on the road then?”
“Well,” Bud said. “Look, I’ve no objection to Helen’s coming here, believe me.”